For context, me(19 F) and my roommate(22 F) share a small room in an apartment. 5 people in total live in this apartment and share 1 bathroom. The bathroom is connected to our room.
We are both college students, im an engineering major and she’s a business major. She works full time and takes all her classes online, whereas im taking a break from working this semester to focus on coursework. She’s an international student, im not (just out of state).
My roommate works 12 hour shifts through the weekend. I usually do my homework/studying for the week on these days, starting in the evening and continuing past midnight sometimes. She normally sleeps by 10- 11 pm, while I normally sleep from 11pm -1 am( not always consistent).
My roomate woke me up after banging her guitar and loudly clearing out her table at 2 am last night because I accidentally woke her up at 1 am. She said this is the third night I’ve woken her up at this time I came back into our room at 1 (I study in the hallway so she can sleep), used the bathroom, brushed, and went to sleep. I brush in the bathroom, and not the sink in our room, to not wake her.
When she decided to wake me up that same night and talk to me (she has trouble falling back asleep after waking up), here’s what she included on her list of complaints:
1) knocking the bathroom door at night (when she’s asleep) gives her a headache. She wants me not to knock.
I always knock on the bathroom door first since its shared with 5 people and it does not lock from the other side.
2) The door creaks when I come in after studying and doing homework in the hallway.
3) I used to study in our room before, but she said the sound of a stylus tapping on an ipad and the sound of typing was to loud. She also cannot sleep with the lights on.
4) The sound of flowing water from when I brush my teeth in the bathroom wakes her up.
We are friends and usually nice to each other outside this, but she gets irritated and lashes out sometimes(which is valid considering she works so much and is always tired). But she was so passive-agressive while expressing her concerns to me last night. I apologized for waking her up, since I was trying my best to be quiet. She said she doesn’t want my apology, and wants my action instead. She said its not okay for me to stay up to 1 am regularly, even if its for schoolwork.
Also, she’s a light sleeper at has work at 8 am for most of the week. Im not as light of a sleeper and fall back asleep pretty quickly after waking up. She wakes me up most mornings with her alarm, or when she’s getting ready for work, but I go back to sleep.
She wears a sleep mask and probably won’t appreciate me recommending a white noise machine (we are broke). What to do
When sharing a room with someone, living in a communal environment, a person is required to be considerate. But it seems she thinks either you follow her schedule or achieve a level of moving noiselessly. If her phone has headphones, she needs to download a free white noise app and put her sleep mask on. I hope you guys find a mutually beneficial agreement until one of you can move.
I don’t think that you will ever please this person. It is time for a new place to live where you have your own room. NTA
living with roommates is hard but honestly some are just not meant to live with other people. NTA. your roommate sounds impossible to please, and the passive aggressiveness would send me through the wall. she has to learn to comprise otherwise this will never work. it’s not fair for you to have to make all the sacrifices just because her schedule is more difficult than yours; it sounds like you’re already working around her schedule and adjusting things so you won’t bother her. and it is also not your responsibility step on eggshells because of the fact she’s a light sleeper. that’s her issue. she better get some noise cancelling headphones or even some ear plugs (cheap and effective!) because being bothered by the sound of the running water of you brushing your teeth is insanity.
NTA. Ask your roommate exactly what you’re supposed to do? Changing your sleep schedule for her convenience is not an option. Brushing your teeth in the kitchen sink is not an option. I suppose you can oil the hinges on the door to your bedroom, but knocking the hall door of the shared bathroom seems like the courteous thing to do. Gift her some earplugs and an eye mask and call it a day, or in her cases, a night.
Tell her that her alarm also woke you up and come to compromise. It’s actually good for you to sleep and wake up at the same time. Try her 11 pm idea. Tell her try to use ear plugs at night as well. As soon as this is over, find a new roommate.
1. If knocking on a door gives someone a headache, they are not meant to live with other people.
2. Oil the damn door.
3. Again, she’s not meant to live with other people.
4. And again…
None of those things are terrible, she’s going to have to figure something out.
NTA. This girl needs earplugs and an eye mask or to find a way to be in a different room or accommodations all-together.