I’m 28F and work in a small office where there are only four of us on rotation, so when someone is out, it’s noticeable. A few months ago, I used to say yes almost every time someone asked me to cover their shift. At first I didn’t mind I’m single, no kids, and I figured it helped the team.
Over time though, it became expected. If someone needed a Friday off or didn’t feel like coming in, I was the first person they would message. I started feeling resentful because I realized I hadn’t had a full weekend to myself in almost two months. I also noticed that when I asked once for coverage so I could attend my cousin’s engagement dinner, no one volunteered and I had to miss it.
After that, I decided I would only cover shifts in actual emergencies like illness, family situations and other actual emergencies not for convenience. I didn’t announce it dramatically I just started politely saying Sorry, I can’t this time.
Last week, one coworker asked me to take her Saturday because she got last minute concert tickets. I told her I couldn’t. She pushed and said I didn’t have plans anyway, and I told her I’ve been trying to protect my personal time more. She ended up coming in clearly annoyed.
The following Monday she told me I was being selfish and that being part of a team means stepping up when people need you. I said I’ve stepped up plenty in the past and just can’t keep doing it every time. She said I’ve changed and it’s not in a good way.
Now things feel tense at work. A couple of coworkers have been quiet with me, and I’m wondering if I handled this poorly. Part of me thinks I might be the asshole because I didn’t formally talk to everyone before changing how available I am. Maybe I should’ve communicated it as a group expectation thing instead of just individually saying no.
At the same time, I don’t think it’s wrong to want predictable time off and not automatically be the default backup.
AITA for drawing the line even if it makes things awkward?
Absolutely NTA they’re only acting that way because you set boundaries. It would be one thing if they reciprocate but they dont.
Hah – I’d be all “remember when I had to cancel on a family event because no one could cover for me? It was then that I decided to work my assigned shifts and nothing else.”
NTA
NTA. You told her you couldn’t take her shift. It should’ve stopped there. Not sure why she didn’t just ask someone else
NTA. Did the rest of them refuse when asked by your colleague? They must have done. So why are they only pissed at you?
You could sit them down and explain the situation as you have done here, but chances are, what they say will boil down to, “You don’t have plans anyway.”
It’s already good of you to offer to cover emergencies, no need to offer more.
. . .
Edited typo
In the future, tell them you’ll only cover a shift for $100 cash before the shift, in addition to whatever overtime you get. Work is where people go to make money, not friends. They won’t ask anymore and your free time is valuable. Besides no one covered for you and I bet they didn’t lose any sleep over it either
NTA. Only thing I might have done differently is to give the example of when you needed coverage so you could go to the engagement party and no one helped so they could see clearly their abuse of your kindness. The entitlement of people that I see in these situations on Reddit is just fascinating to me. To tell someone they are being selfish because they won’t do my work for me?! Really?
NTA It’s not their business if you don’t want to tell them. But if you wanted to give a reason, you could state the number of times you have covered and the one time you asked, nobody covered for you. Tell them you didn’t change at all. You only cover shifts for those who reciprocate. Since nobody could cover for you the one time you asked, you can’t for them.
Many people don’t like when a person doesn’t do what they want them to do.
100% NTA
I have been in that situation. You help everyone else out but, when you need it you get the shaft. They aren’t talking to you because you put up a silent boundary and they wanted to walk all over you. Now they know they can’t so you are no use to them.
so are my thoughts thanks
>She ended up coming in clearly annoyed.
I don’t know how you knew she showed up clearly annoyed. And as usual, coworkers are quiet with OPs who refuse time off requests. But, it is clear no one else covered either. Any person would know they’re not the asshole in this situation.
NTA! Next time do not be too nice
NTA
Your coworkers have been exploiting your generosity. But the tension that you feel right now is actually a mask for the embarrassment that they feel, as they realize how much they have been taking advantage of you. Let them stew.
Nope. NTA. And there’s no need to make a grand announcement. No is a complete sentence. They’re asking for a favor.
They have gotten used to taking you for granted. Now that they can’t take you for granted, they are not happy.
If anyone asks again, mention specifically. You guys are taking me for granted. I’m the first one you ask every time. And the one time I needed a day off to go to my cousin’s wedding, no one helped me. I have done you guys a ton of favors in the past. And not one of you offered to help me when I needed help.
Say it exactly like what you told us. If anyone apologizes, you can start giving them the grace of helping them. But again. Don’t announce it. Anyone who doesn’t apologize or makes up excuses gets onto the shit list and you don’t help them. Do no favors for assholes for they do not appreciate it and it smells bad.
And remember. No grand announcements. Sooner or later, those who did not apologize will come to realize why you are not helping them. Because they didn’t apologize. They will then fake an apology to get your help. Don’t.
NTA
You’ve changed and not in a good way: translation: I can’t make plans during my work hours and expect you to drop everything for me anymore and I’m mad about it.
People who stomp all over boundaries are always upset when you stop letting them stomp all over boundaries. If anyone else brings it up or if this coworker brings it up again don’t be afraid to tell them that nobody would cover for you when you needed it so you are just treating them they same way they treated you.