I am 30yrs old now. Growing up my mum(57F) and I(30M) were pretty close she was that woman who used to give advice to everyone and she knew what was happening in every house because people would tell her everything. She was real close with this one woman and she ended up getting a divorce and guess who wanted one now? this bitter woman got completely into my mums head and my mum deluded herself that her basic duties in our household was "oppressive" and we were all some how ripping her off.
My dad was working for 14hrs a day i barely saw the man during the weekdays even though we lived under the same roof and my mum was a sahm, I appreciated that she cooked and cleaned the house for us but nope she was the "only one who was making a sacrifice" my folks came to an agreement that they wouldnt separate for the kids but she went out dancing almost everyday and I had to cook for myself and my younger brother. I remember atleast so many instances of her talking on the phone to strange men. My father wouldnt listen to me about any of it. I was 15 at the time and had to pretty much raise my younger brother. I tried to talk to her, I wrote letters to her. I told her how much I missed my old mom. I thought I was the only person I would listen to but she didnt. I sometimes wonder if my grandma was alive she would have listened to her but at times i dont think that would have happened.
I stayed in that hellhole until I was 24 and moved out with my brother after he turned 18 and had to build my life up. Parents divorced and dad moved in with his brother all while she continued to leech off him. That poor man overworked and yelled at his whole life passed a year after we left. She couldnt give a flying fuck until last month. I almost cherished the sight of how pathetic she looked all weak, old and fragile I am pretty sure shes sick, nanna had all sorts of health problems diabetes, high blood pressure etc i am sure she got it as well. She showed up at my doorstep after all these years I almost didnt recognize that sk ank at first and then when i did I told her to f off immediately. I have no idea how she tracked me down or anything but it felt so good u know. I never believed in karma or anything, my whole life ive seen folks like her get away with everything but maybe its real after all I’d like to imagine she’d be very old, miserable and alone all the way through till the end. I am not gonna lie life has been hard on me as well my girlfriend mother of my son passed 2 years back and ive been looking after an infant all by myself with the help of my brother. But i guess small wins that make u believe in the right thing. So AITAH?
NTA. Shitty parents don’t get a free pass back into your life just because they’re your parents. I’d recommend therapy for you and your brother.
we’ve both seen counsellors before but money is a bit tight right now and we also dont have the time for it but we trying to move on with our lives he helps me out tremendously when it comes to my son and i am so grateful for that.
You’re a stand up guy taking care of your child like you are, that’s what parenting is all about. I’ll tell you what I did with my mom… She’s an alcoholic, smoker, and drug user who, if she’s awake, she has a cigarette in her hand. She didn’t like my wife because she’s ‘not an American’, she’s English and a beautiful mother and wife. I told my mom, we weren’t going to go to her house because she’s a chain smoker and we didn’t want our girls exposed to that much smoke but if she promised to not smoke in the house, she could come to where we live out in the country.
She refused saying that ‘smoking is part of me, so either you accept it, or you don’t get to ‘see’ me.’. We chose not to see her. She has only seen our youngest maybe 3-4 times in a couple of years even though we live in the same town. We’ve left our offer standing, see your kids or smoke, the decision is yours. She’s chose smoking. Stand by your rules, your boundaries, and don’t worry about defending yourself, it’s her choice… NTA.
thanks man I appreciate it. I am sure you and ur wife have a beautiful and safe home for ur children. Shes the one who is missing out.
So I’m not going to call you an AH but you need to find a way to let this anger go. Have you seen a therapist at all about any of this?
The story I read was about a married woman whose husband worked 14 hours a day, which barely leaves any time to connect or be together. You’re old enough now to understand this isn’t a case of bad mom and innocent dad. Their marriage suffered because a dad can’t just work 14 hours a day and expect his wife to handle all the kids stuff plus amuse herself instead of having any sort of intimacy. Thus the dancing and other men.
I also read a story about a bitter single dad that would absolutely benefit from therapy, as would your child (benefit from you going to therapy) and if your mom is interested in a relationship you could use the help and support with your kid.
Although it affected you, a lot of your parents marriage demise isnt your battle or beef. And working 14 hours a day doesn’t make you a saint it makes you a shitty husband. Try to look at this as an adult and parent now. NAH.
While you have a point, that doesn’t mean mom just suddenly drop her kids and never be a parent. Imagine being a 15 year and your life is pretty good other than not seeing your dad a lot then suddenly your parents marriage is bad and your mom is forcing you to take care of your younger brother and basically become a single teen dad. Mom isn’t a saint either
Well we were pretty poor and life wasnt exactly enjoyable for any of us, certainly not for my dad but he was kind and calm and never snapped at us nor did he involve us into whatever arguments he had with mum while she always did that. I respected that he cared for us and stayed around and I expected the same from my mum as well but she couldnt do that. As her son I didnt feel that much anger because I felt abandoned I felt sadness and I blamed myself but now as a father its gotten a bit more intense because I cant ever imagine leaving my child to cook for himself and care for another kid. The older I get the more I realise how messed up the whole thing was. She is mostly a distant memory now, sure it was fun to know karma caught up to her but I hadnt seen or thought of her in years I almost couldnt recognize her when I saw her and there have been times i had difficulties remembering her face. It was just a small win to know that karma is real after-all.
>Their marriage suffered because a dad can’t just work 14 hours a day and expect his wife to handle all the kids stuff plus amuse herself instead of having any sort of intimacy.
If only there was another adult in the household who could get a job and help with bills and expenses, so that the dad wouldn’t have to work 14 hour days…
NTA
You seem to have so much anger, which I’m not saying isn’t totally understandable, but I would suggest you get some counselling. You need to not allow this woman to destroy the rest of your life with your past trauma.
NTA. She became a selfish, constantly-taking monster. She has gotten her “earnings from her efforts.” That is all.
NTA, but I hope for your own mental health you don’t hold onto resentment. She sounds really shitty, but letting that fester (if it is) only harms you not her.
NTA – you owe her nothing!
NTA- She stopped being a mother a long time ago. She doesn’t get to show up and start acting like the victim. I’m all for forgiveness but some people do not deserve it. Do what you need to in order to keep your peace. Good luck OP