edit: for fucks sakes, she is pregnant and overreacted ( it happens) shes not the devil. Not she isn’t going to throw it away, no she isn’t abusing my son , no she isn’t evil. No the marriage isn’t going to end over this…
if you are going to call her a bitch or make rediclous assumptions don’t comment
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Growing up my son had a dresser that was made by my father. He was a very good woodworker and the dresser has hand carved details. It is a very nice dresser.
My son loved it and was going to take it with him when he moved out, sadly due to a tornado the dresser was very badly damaged when our roof fell. So when he moved out after college their was not reason to take the busted dresser and it stayed in our new garage collecting dust. I could not bring my self to toss it.
My son is now married and they moved into their forever home. He mentioned that he it was upsetting that their kid won’t have anything like his dresser growing up. My son wished he could have passed it down since his grandpa is dead ( my father who made the dresser).
My son mentioned trying to make something small but he is not very good at building stuff.
I decided to see if it could be repaired ( I didn’t have high hopes) and contacted a few people. There was one guy that was willing to give it a try. In the end he was able to keep a lot of the original wood ( including my dad’s stamp) and most of the original carvings at the bottom. He replaced what was needed and it looks great. He even craved in new engravings from pictures.
I invited them both to dinner and I gave my son the gift. He loved it, and took it home that night
He sent me a few pictures of it in the nursery.
This is the issue, my DIL sent me a very long text about a week after about giving him the dresser for the nursery. She was pissed that she wasn’t informed and that it doesn’t match the room ( the dresser wood doesn’t really match becuase the whole room is very light) That I had no right to try to decorate their house, that she hates it in the nursery and it is causing marriage problems.
She told me that I need to take it back.
I told her no and if my son wishes to give it back then he can but I will not ask for it back.
She called me a jerk. I am going to talk to my son about the whole thing but I am wondering if I actually was a dick for giving the fixed up dresser
nta. your son wanted the dresser. you gave your son the dresser. i cannot read your dil telling you to “take it back” as anything other than trying to override her husband’s decision. this is between them, and is not your problem.
(for the record though, i think i’m on your son’s side on this one.)
NTA DIL doesn’t like that the look SHE wants is being thrown off by pesky childhood memories of your son. This will likely be a trend in their relationship/household.
I would say NTA for the gift of the dresser, but it is a red flag in your son’s marriage his wife is bypassing him to argue with you directly. I recommend you talk directly with your son and work out a solution with him. Do not call his wife back.
A line has already been crossed with her name calling you. I hope it all works out for the three of you.
For once, I’m on the MIL’s side. That dresser has a lot of sentimental value and if your son wants it he can have it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be part of the nursery just having it in the house somewhere it fits in could mean the world, his grandfather made that, wifey needs to learn to compromise and accept that life may not always fit aesthetic. NTA
And fathers have as much right to decorate the nursery as the mothers have. Sometimes you have to compromise and the baby won’t care if the furniture matches or not.
Add to this mom probably had a picture of perfect nursery for the kid, and it got hit.
Hormones/nesting probably was an overreaction even tho op did nothing wrong
That will calm down over time and she probably will realize she was being silly
It happens. Should she have sent anything to op, no obviously.
Op seems more understanding than most of the Reddit comments on this. Op had to tell us not to call the DIL as bitch
I saw one that said she was a harpy or asked if she was abusing the son
Giving your son a dresser that has sentimental significance, even if it had to be reworked shows how much you love your son. Tell your son, it is his, and Have them put the dresser in another room if necessary. NTA
NTA. It is a sentimental piece that your son actually wanted to pass down. We did the same thing with our son, actually. Yes, it does stick out a bit having a wooden dresser and headboard in a Star Wars themed bedroom. Does anyone actually care? No! Keep pieces like that in the family.
NTA. Son wanted it. DIL then got mad at you. If she doesn’t want it there they can move it somewhere else. Main problem is that They Need To Talk. She owes you an apology.
Ugh some people get way too caught up in the aesthetics of a room. This is an heirloom that clearly means a lot to your son. I know it’s tragic that your DILs IG photos won’t look perfect but she’ll get over it. NTA.
I know right? My baby’s room does not have a singlet matching piece as we got it all secondhand or from family. I love it personally. Knowing the changing table is the same one my daughter’s cousins used, that the cot was precious to a dear friend’s son until he outgrew it. My nursing chair is from my MIL and so comfortable.
It’s not about aesthetics, it shouldn’t be. Especially when it something that’s meaningful and has history.
Your dil needs to remember it isn’t just HER babies nursery.
Nta. That was a very kind thing you did. Honestly if a piece of furniture is causing marital problems, that just suggests they were there already, simply ignored.
NTA. Let your son know your DIL contacted you.
NTA
1 – Your son clearly wanted that dresser or something like it. You did a VERY thoughtful thing, with a very clear sense that it was wanted, not that it was you trying to push something on him.
2 – Once a gift crosses the threshold of the home, son and wife decide where it goes…I assume son put it in the nursery.
3 – This is now a son and his wife issue. They can keep it in the nursery, put it in the rec room, use it as a toy chest in the play room…whatever.
4 – Red flag that DIL came right to you to deal with the issue rather than son…OR..son deflected to you ‘I don’t know honey, mom will be so crushed if it’s not in the nursery….’
Either way, you let son and DIL work this out, however I’d talk to son and ask exactly waht’s going on and why DIL is reaching out to you to take back a gift. Tell him it’s his now and they, together, can do whatever they want with it. Then leave it alone for them to work out.