Hi there, I’ll try to keep this brief. I (29F) live about 3 hours from my family/where I grew up. When I go home to visit, I usually stay with my dad and his wife in the house they have lived in since I was a kid and where I spent a lot of my childhood.
Last time I was home for the holidays, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and there was some dried food caked to the inside of several of the mugs. My dad mentioned that he has been eating oatmeal out of those mugs, and sometimes the dishwasher doesn’t get it all out. No big deal, grabbed a different mug that was clean and made my coffee.
Flash forward to this weekend, I was home Saturday night to see a friend from high school. Sunday morning, I was about to hit the road, and came down to say goodbye to my family before they went to church. They told me coffee was in the pot so I went to grab a mug. The first one I took out had some oats on the inside so I said “oops this one’s got oats in it, I’ll just grab a different one.” The next one I grabbed was also dirty, so I grabbed a third. Again, no big deal. Or so I thought.
Today, my dad texted me and said I needed to apologize to his wife for embarrassing her about the mug. I wasn’t quite sure what I was even apologizing for, but to keep the peace, I sent her a text that said “I didn’t mean anything by pointing out the oatmeal in the mug. I’m sorry if what I said upset you. Thanks for having me this weekend.”
10 minutes later, she calls me and starts lecturing me about how “I’m too young to understand what is polite” and how I don’t get these things because I don’t own a home (??). I asked what I should have done instead and she said I should have either used the mug with the oatmeal in it or not had coffee. This doesn’t make any sense to me, and I explained that if someone was a guest in my home, I would rather them tell me about the problem so I can fix it and not just be uncomfortable to avoid being rude. She reiterated that I’m too young to understand how to be polite in someone else’s home. I genuinely think the most polite thing to do is be honest, especially when I’m not in a stranger’s house and am essentially at home. AITA?
NTA
You were polite. They should know to check the mugs if they aware the dishwasher doesn’t clean the oatmeal off properly. She’s just embarrassed and putting it back onto you.
Oh, good grief – she’s obviously reacting out of embarrassment.
It’s common practice to *check dishes* when unloading the dishwasher.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA – would she rather a non-family guest discover that they don’t know how to handle dishwashing?
Ummm…what does having a home have to do with having manners?
I’m with you – if someone finds food on a presumably clean dish of mine, I would like to know about it. I for sure would not want them to eat/drink from it anyway or just go without. That’s silly!
(And for the record, I DO own a home…LOLOL)
She expected you to use a dirty cup? What? Is she getting dementia? NTA