Hello, so for context my Wife/SIL parents’ own summer homes next to each other. We (Wife, SIL, BIL, and I) have the opportunity to stay in the second home over the summer in exchange for rent (yearly taxes/utilities). SIL and BIL have 2 dogs, My Wife and I have a dog and 2 cats. SIL has about a 15 min commute, about 25-30 from the summer home, BIL’s commute depends on where he works, Wife has about a 20-30min commute from either place, I have a 45min commute and the summer home would add about 20-30min to my drive each way. The summer house has 1 insulated bedroom, 1 bathroom, a washer/dryer combo, a dishwasher that hooks up to the sink, no insulation in the rest of the house, insufficient cabinetry for 4 adult humans, a loft where the ‘2nd’ bedroom is, and lastly the water is lake water drinking water must be brought in.
I have 2 main reasons for not being able to stay in the summer home;
1) it would add some pretty excessive miles on my car
2) there isnt sufficient room for all of us to live comfortably just to be next to the water.
SIL/BIL say that it is not their fault we cannot/dont want to stay there which isnt untrue, but I dont feel like their decision to move there and stay there all summer should beat out if my wife and I were to want to stay there alone sometime.
So, AITA for saying that my wife and I cannot stay in the summer home?
I encourage questions for more information and/or context.
Thank you.
ETA: thanks for those who commented. My post lacked sufficient context around the conflict I have here. I feel that this is less an AITA and more am I wrong to feel a certain way about this and there is a lot of speculation on my side as to the perspective of SIL/BIL. I feel that if my wife and I were to want to stay just the 2 of us for a week or so that it would disrupt SIL/BIL’s plans to live there for the summer (moving their house hold essentially/living there full time)
Wife and I are splitting the cost/expenses but only spending weekends there. I feel its unreasonable for us to spend everyday cramped into a smallish space with 4 adults and 3 dogs (cats would honestly just stay home if it came to it for comfort). A week is no issue but saying that they aren’t preventing us from staying there for the summer, although true, isnt feasible. People get sick of one another and need personal space.
SIL/BIL can stay without my wife and myself.
I don’t understand, they can’t go stay in the house without you and your wife? Or they live there and you can’t/won’t go for a weekend if you have to share?
This honestly reads like a math word problem. Like, “the answer is 3 gallons of water!”
But anyway, what I don’t think you’ve explained is, what is the conflict here? If SIL/BIL stay in the summer home and you don’t, why does that create an argument? INFO: who is the conflict with, and what is the conflict?
Not OP, but my inference from the post is that SIL and BIL want to stay there but don’t want to pay the entire cost of the taxes and utilities. If OP and wife stay there too, it’s half the cost for them.
The parents may also be saying “if you both aren’t staying we will just put it on VRBO.”
You pretty much got it. Wife and I are splitting the cost/expenses but only spending weekends there. I feel its unreasonable for us to spend everyday cramped into a smallish space with 4 adults and 3 dogs (cats would honestly just stay home if it came to it for comfort). A week is no issue but saying that they aren’t preventing us from staying there for the summer, although true, isnt feasible. People get sick of one another and need personal space.
Time to talk about splitting the costs based on how many days each couple is actually there.
Nta, but sounds more like a mökki, lol.
NAH You don’t really get much of a say in this situation. It’s up to the owners. They can decide who stays in the house and when. It’s up to them if SIL can stay in the good room all summer and you stay in the loft. They can also decide if you can visit periodically during the summer. You don’t want to stay in the house for the summer. That’s fine. Work it out with your wife. You aren’t entitled to a free summer home and it’s up to the owners to decide who gets to stay there and when.
Info: I’m confused about the issue… Why does your summer plan effect your in-laws? Can they not afford to stay there without you?
What do you want to happen here? What does your wife want to happen?
I’m a little confused about what the conflict is, especially in this sentence:
>SIL/BIL say that it is not their fault we cannot/dont want to stay there which isnt untrue, but I dont feel like their decision to move there and stay there all summer should beat out if my wife and I were to want to stay there alone sometime.
From that snippet, it sounds like you are saying that you and your wife want to stay at the summer home sometimes, but you won’t be able to if your SIL/BIL are staying there all summer. If that’s the issue, I think you’re T A. If your SIL/BIL have chosen to live there for the entire summer, you don’t get to kick them out for a shorter span of time to take your turn. But I’m really, genuinely confused about what is going on here.
Sorry I didn’t explain super thoroughly, I kinda typed it up quick. But you got the gist. My Wife and I would like to spend time there seeing as how we are splitting the expenses/cost of the place but spending 2/7th of the time there by only being there on weekends essentially while SIL/BIL stay full time.
NAH
You don’t have to stay there all summer – or at all.
Both of you have been offered the opportunity to stay there all summer, but realistically there’s only one bedroom, so it doesn’t even make sense for both sets of you to stay there – sounds like they just want someone to help pay the expenses.
On the other hand if they’re planning to stay there all summer, you can’t complain that they should vacate just so you can spend a weekend now and then.
If you want to spend a weekend, accept that it will be in the loft, and if they want you to pay for the privilege, pro-rate the summer fee divided by the number of days that you would have occupied it at that rate, and offer to pay by the night at that rate.
If they want more than that, don’t go at all.
why dont just rent an air b n b a few times over the summer instead? then that way u have your privacy and peace at the sametime.
[Nta](http://Nta.mit). it sounds like SIL and BIL were expecting you to help pay the rent by staying, but you don’t want to go. which is fine. not wanting an un insulated loft is totally acceptable
NTA. Per your comment that you are expected to pay 50/50 for the summer, there is no way I would ever agree to that if you and your wife are only up there some weekends. It’s also unfair that they get the entire home to themselves a lot of the time but you and your wife won’t at all.
You should calculate how much the entire home costs per day and if you and your wife go, you should only pay half the prorated amount (since SIL and her family are also there) for days you’re there.