I (19F) am overweight. I am not extremely insecure, but I do not love my body either. My boyfriend (19M) has always been thin. Earlier in our relationship, I made some comments I regret, like saying he was not really “hot,” just cute, and that in different circumstances I might not have dated him. I apologized, but he clearly took it to heart.
Over a few months, he became very focused on the gym and eating healthy. When we go out, he always orders the healthiest option or sometimes will not eat at all if there is nothing that fits his plan. He says he is still close enough to his calorie goal and that missing some days is not a big deal.
He barely does his old hobbies anymore. When I asked why, he said my comments made him feel unattractive and that working out helps him feel better about himself.
Recently, I was on my period and really wanted chicken nuggets. We usually split a big box of nuggets together when we eat out. This time, he ordered a salad instead. I ended up not getting nuggets because I felt embarrassed sitting there with his “healthy” food, and it upset me. I told him it makes me feel bad about myself when he orders things like salads or protein-style burgers and I want something heavier.
I asked him to ease up on the gym and stop being so strict with food because I do not like how this is affecting me and our relationship. He said it is his body and he is not stopping. I told him I do not approve of this lifestyle and that I preferred how he was before. He said I was being controlling and ended the conversation.
I still think he is taking this too far and that he should change instead of making me feel uncomfortable and insecure all the time.And I think his obsession with the gym isn’t good for him either
Yes YTA – of course you are. You said something horrible that has clearly deeply impacted him.
He seems to be focusing on a healthy lifestyle and sticking to it
Either support him, join him in his journey, or leave him and find someone to eat chicken nuggets with.
What you don’t do is destroy someone’s confidence and then get annoyed when they try better themselves
Wow. YTA you made what you still assume is a throw away comment about his appearance that had a very big impact on his self worth and the only reason you’re anyways remorseful is because him working on himself is making you feel bad that you’re eating chicken nuggets!!!!
He isn’t making negative comments about your body or food choices you’re just now feeling self conscious he’s making “healthy” choices while you don’t want to eat a salad
surely this is a trap? Of course YTA do you WANT home to be unattractive so you can out him down? Break up with him, he deserves better and can probably do better than you now he’s in shape.
Yes, he’s improving himself after your comments about him. You don’t get to be upset about it. You can grow with him or find someone else.
i think someone has self esteem issues big hyena
Wow. You insulted his appearance so badly he decided to do something about it, and now you’re criticizing him for trying to do something about it. He can’t win with you, can he? Break up, you don’t respect him. YTA.
YTA
You have said horrible things to your partner.
It lead to him leading a much healthier life, he is taking care of his fitness and his diet.
You resent him for that and basically want him to stop so you can continue eating chicken nuggets guilt free.
That’s controlling AF, incredibly immature and if the gender roles were switched reddit would rightfully eat you alive.
Anyone who tells you that you’re justified is an enabler.
Sorry, I just want to make sure I’m reading this correctly:
First, you make him feel like shit by insulting his body and his self image.
Then, having had his self image ruined by someone he cares about, he decides that he wants to improve his body so that he feels happy with the way he looks.
And you don’t like the he’s taking steps to improve the self image that you ruined because you feel like him eating healthy is somehow a reflection on you because you don’t like yourself so he shouldn’t like himself. That he needs to eat what you want him to eat so that you can feel okay with your choices and he has just has to go fuck himself.
You then told him that you get to decide how he lives because you’ve decided that what he wants isn’t the right thing for him to want.
And then you said, Hey, I’ll go tell people all of the awful things I’m doing and saying to this person I claim to care about and ask them to validate my feelings. No one, obviously, should care about how he feels. It’s all about you.
YTA. I hope he dumps you. I hope it hurts when he does. Enough to make you realize how awful you are and how much you need to get your shit together before you even think about trying to be in a relationship again.
Seek therapy.
1.) Stop trying to manipulate him.
2.) Learn to recogbize differencr between healthy and eating disorder. It is impossible to tell from your account.
If he should change so that you feel better about own body, you are YTA. If he is nit wating enough, he is sick, but blaming him for your feelings wont help.
YTA. You are controlling. You want him to change what makes him feel good about his self just because of your own insecurities and desires, not because it’s actually harmful.
You’re a bully and terrible girlfriend.
He deserves much better
YTA and so incredibly selfish! You made such a harsh comment that it pushed him to change himself, but now you blame him for making that change?
You seem to be very controlling. This lifestyle change looks to be really healthy for him and boosts his confidence. Why would you want to stop that instead of encouraging it?
This a total and complete YOU problem.
YTA