I’m(28F) a sahm of 3 great kids (6 and under) and long time gf of my bf(31M). Of course I handle most of the home duties and parenting responsibilities. Which atp I don’t want to do anything more than that. I love what I do for my family on a daily basis and who else can do it like me. I’ll wait…
Recently I have been sleeping on the couch when my bf of 10 years is taking night shifts. We recently purchased a new mattress and I just can’t stay comfortable on it. It has springs in it that literally feel like I’m bouncing in a lowrider when just simply turning my pillow on the cool side. Lying in one position for a certain amount of time feels like the springs are trying to bruise me. My bf has expressed that he loves the mattress and that yes it is bouncy, but he gets his 8 hours on it. Ive asked many times if we could buy a topper but he claims we don’t need it. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I don’t get paid for being a sahm (shocker ik) and most of the time I check in with him before I make purchases. So I don’t want to keep bringing it up. It’s a if it’s not broken why fix it kinda situation. So when he is not home to snuggle up with at night to somewhat soothe my discomfort, I prefer the couch. This last time I WRECKED my lower back. I do not blame anyone but myself for the pain I’m currently experiencing BUT here is where I get pissy.
I have been slow moving around the house. Expressed many times what exactly kinda shape I’m in and have apologized for its effects on me. In fact he’s the one who told me to not sleep on the couch for this very reason BEFORE I even got to the part of why I was in pain in the first place. He knows me well but not well enough to not hurt in the what he ends up doing.
Haven’t got it in me to carry on like I normal do. I sit to wash dishes and take many breaks while entertaining my youngest child who doesn’t attend school yet but, please believe me when I say I WILL GET THE JOB DONE. Even if I’m up late doing so. I just have to rest in between it all because at some point my lower back will start throbbing.
Buy the topper. Why should you be miserable and why would your boyfriend want you to be miserable?
Really? You do half the work to keep the household going and you don’t buy things that are basic necessities for you without PERMISSION. You aren’t an asshole. You are a hostage and a doormat. Buy that shit and tell him it was necessary for you. And if he has an issue with it give him an itemized bill for every service you perform 1. Cooking 2. Shopping 3. Housekeeping 4. Laundry 5. child care 6. I bet you are his personal secretary too. And tell him that in the future any purchases over $50 need YOUR approval before he can buy things.
Fully agree. Statistically she is working 2.5 full time jobs being a stay at home mom. That is far more than half.
Nta. Take care of yourself. As someone that slept in bad beds a lot when I was younger and now i have a good bed that I got post back surgery it has made all ten difference. If he doesn’t want one get a mattress topper for your side so you can be comfortable. I don’t know how big your bed is but a twin is half of a king and if it’s memory foam topper you can trim it easily to make it half a queen if need be. I would recommend three inches thick to make sure you have enough protection between you and the springs.
Nta but are you afraid to buy one without his permission? Are you afraid of his reaction if you buy one? If so, that is a bigger conversation about financial abuse. I’m also kinda concerned that you have been apologizing for getting injured to no fault of your own. If anything it is your partner fault because why are you sleeping on the couch if the bed is this uncomfortable.
I know you said that you don’t have your own stream of income which you said that you are working on but I’m sure you have access to his account or a credit card. Buy it without telling him. Honestly, he might not even notice it without you telling him. I would recommend that you also apply for a credit card of your own just for emergency.
You should speak to your partner about him giving you your own allowance or fun money. You should be able to buy something on the side for yourself without needing to beg for money.
nTA.
If the guy doesn’t know you well enough to know what hurts and what bothers you, then he doesn’t know you at all. Why is he refusing to make you comfortable and buy a mattress topper? You need it, even if he doesn’t. I wouldn’t cook that man another meal or wash a single one of his socks if that was me, until he explained why my comfort was apparently so down the list of his priorities.
Girl STAND THE FUCKKKKK UP!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?? THE DOORMAT OLYMPICS!?!?! TF
NTA but you’re doing yourself the worst
NTA but is it really too much to spend $35.00 on Amazon for your side of the bed?
3 kids, a sahm, you do just about everything & a bf of 10 years … I think there’s a bigger issue here.
INFO: why are you with someone who is financially abusive, that doesn’t prioritize your needs and who tells you what you do and don’t need, then has the audacity to get pissy you aren’t performing as the unpaid maid he expects?
ETA. Get separate beds or better separate bedrooms. Get a bed you are comfortable in. I sure wouldn’t want to be near a man who disrespected me like that.
NTA. He does not care that you are uncomfortable enough to sleep on the couch and basically suffer every single night but yeah he’s such a great guy that knows you so well. It’s been proven many times over that sahm is harder then most jobs out there plus its 24/7. Get your mattress topper and let him be upset about it. Being a martyr, I will suffer in pain and get it done no matter what attitude is ridiculous. Your a human being if your injured you need to rest and allow yourself to heal. You need good quality sleep to function. Mistakes are made when you are sleep deprived and sometimes mistakes can have massive consequences.
NTA why did he get a bed without consulting you aka the other person expected to sleep on it. You BOTH are working and BOTH need 8 hrs of sleep. He needs to compromise because he’s forcing you to sleep on the couch or forcing you on a painful bed.
>He says WE don’t need it.
>If it’s not broken why fix it?
How does this man have the audacity to say WE don’t need it after you said YOU do. HE doesn’t need it but obviously it’s causing you pain and discomfort (from not being able to sleep in bed with him). You are trying to communicate it’s a broken system and he ain’t listening. This just seems so disrespectful and dismissive and I really do feel bad that this is the kind of man you’re with. He may have other great qualities but man if it were me and I didn’t have kids I’d tell him either the bed leaves or I leave. Regardless you gotta put your foot down. He’d make a great doctor with how he seems to be a professional at ignoring a woman’s concerns and complaints.
It’s wild to be a sahm to a man who isn’t marrying you. You have no legal protections and clearly no money. That’s crazy.
What does this have to do with fixing dinner?