I (27 F) am getting married in 6 weeks and I was asked by one of my bridesmaids if they could change out of their bridesmaid’s dress into a black dress after the ceremony because she’s uncomfortable in color.
A little background, all of my bridesmaids are wearing a dusty blue. I allowed them to pick whatever style of dress they wanted; my request is that they all wear the blue and length needs to be long. The reason she feels uncomfortable is because of the color of her hair and skin tone on top of her thyroid issues that just arose and causes her to gain weight. She wants to be respectful but she is uncomfortable in the color.
I told her I would like everyone in their bridesmaids dresses as we will be taking pictures all night and I didn’t want any other bridesmaids asking "can I change too?" however I feel like an asshole denying her. At the same time, it’s only one night and it’s okay for me to be a little selfish right now.
Am I the asshole?
Weddings don’t mean it’s okay to be selfish.
YTA. Let her be comfortable after the ceremony and pictures.
Or split the difference and do it after speeches and bridesmaids dances/bouquet toss. Changing before all that is a bit premature.
I would say it’s okay after the speeches. Once everyone is dancing she can sneak away and do it. No one will care or notice. Reception photos never really turn out great and you’re honestly not going to look at them that much after a while, nor will they be the ones you put on your wall. Drunk and sweaty isn’t most people’s best look. Friendship will be affected if you don’t.
This is the right answer. Most photos end after the speeches. Once dinner and dancing start, most of the photos are lower quality (because of people moving) “club” shots. It really won’t matter what she wears for those. There’s no need for her to be an obvious bridesmaid then
Former wedding photographer. Agree with this response.
I got married in September and I agree with this. Our wedding party stayed “photo ready” until after dinner and then they were free to do whatever they wanted. Most of the girls brought comfier backup dresses to change into. I love our reception photos because everyone is comfortable and having a great time even if they don’t match
I mean….if you feel like the asshole, it’s because you kinda are. She didnt ask to wear another dress for the wedding or official shooting, even if she isnt comfortable in the blue one and she knows there will be a lot of pictures with it. She only want to be comfortable and feel more confident for the night when you are supposed to have fun and enjoy yourself. I really don’t see whats the issue here with her wearing a black dress later. Your picture wont be ruined because of that, you’ll have already taken the official picture by then. You are being selfish yes and I disagree that because its your wedding you get the be as selfish as you want and ignore other people comfort completely
YTA.
She’s expressed why spending the entire night in the bridesmaid dress would be uncomfortable for her. She’s most likely very self-conscious right now about weight gain from her thyroid issues, and yes, black clothing can help to hide noticeable weight gain.
Once the ceremony and photos are done, allow her to change out of her bridesmaid dress and into something that she feels more comfortable in for the evening reception.
Can you compromise and ask her to keep the dress on until after the main course or an hour or so after the ceremony? That way you get a good amount of photos of everyone dressed up but then she can feel comfy for the rest of it.
After a few drinks and dances I doubt you’ll be caring about what people are wearing. If you are then you’re focusing on the wrong thing.
YTA.
Something the wedding industry doesn’t tell you is that once people leave the reception, they forget basically everything within an hour. This is a day you’re meticulously planning to the nines and I promise you that half the stuff you’re obsessing over is stuff that nobody will notice or care about, even you.
My SIL was one of my bridesmaids. I’m known for loving makeup (I like playing around with colors and hues). My SIL has worn it maybe twice since I’ve known her. She was afraid to wear it on my wedding day because she was afraid she’d get it wrong. I told her if she wanted to wear makeup then great, but I wanted HER there, not what she looked like. I ended up doing her makeup in my wedding dress, lol.
Throw a good party. Make sure there’s decent food, drinks, hot and cold running water. That’s all anyone will care about.
Maybe a controversial opinion—your friend and relationship are more important than a color in a photo.
In ten years will you look back and see a crowd of people dancing and think “Damn I really wish she’d been in blue”? Or will you think “Damn it’s so awesome that this friend I still have in my life was there for me and having a great time at this important moment in my life”?
I hate that being kind to people you love is a controversial opinion.
The friend shared her insecurities, and OP even considering saying nah, makes her a sub par friend.
What I’ve learned, much to my chagrin, is that there are a LOT of people who actually, truly, honestly would value the aesthetics of an event over the relationship with a friend.
Do you hear yourself? You won’t “let” a grown woman change?
She’s your friend. She is battling a health issue that impact her appearance.
You’ll forget about the black dress in pictures in no time. She’ll remember your selfishness forever.
YTA.