Some background. I am 1 of 5 siblings. I grew up with my mother’s side of the family which is HUGE. My grandma has well over 40 grandchildren. My fiancé comes from a small family but he is 1 of 7 siblings. He doesn’t have an extended family like I do.
Due to this we decided to have a micro wedding where we ONLY invite siblings and close people to us. My sister got married in 2022 and she paid over $40k and had 200 people at her wedding and it was so stressful and we hardly see any other people at her wedding anymore due to family problems so I do not want to fund a party with people who are not actively in our lives.
Currently my guest list is 32 but we have a max capacity of 48 allowed if we paid the difference. All that being said this is where the issue arises.
My eldest brother lives in out of state and I am having the wedding in LA where I live and the rest of my family is coming in from the Bay Area. Due to the whole immigration issue happening at this time my brother said he will feel more comfortable driving down to LA if I can invite his sister and brother in law who are citizens vs. he driving as he is currently working on his documentation. I told him I’d think about it.
While visiting my mom she brings it up to which my fiancé tells her we are not inviting them we don’t know them and we have a limited guest list. This offended my mother who then started trying to find a solution by uninviting her husband (my parents are divorced) and uninviting my grandparents so my brothers in laws could come. To which my fiance also turns her down. My fiancé and I already spoke about this privately and we both agree we don’t want to invite them he just spoke up for me because my mother is very manipulative and he is not afraid to tell her no like I am.
Now this whole thing has blown up out of proportion where my mother is calling my brother and my father telling them she doesn’t understand me and doesn’t understand why it’s a huge deal. That I am being selfish and has also said she doesn’t even agree with me having a small wedding because non of our extended family is invited. My brother and father have both called me separately about this now. My brother is more understanding of it but still expresses concern over driving to LA and my father is also pushing I invite these folks. I could reasonably speak to them but my mother on the other hand is pissed off and is taking the role of offended mother in law and feels it’s my fiancé not wanting to invite vs. us as a united couple who made this decision.
I do want to extend the guest list to 48 but not to invite these people but so we could invite more people we have close relationships to. However I now feel tremendous guilt and feel like I am almost obligated to invite due to the problems this has stirred with everyone as well as now causing friction with my fiancé….