I’m 36M and I live with my roommate (30F). We split rent 50/50 and utilities 50/50.
For the last couple of months, her boyfriend has been over about 5-6 nights a week. He showers here, cooks here, and does laundry here. He’s also started spending daytime here pretty often. It feels like we basically have a third person living here most of the week.
Our electric and water bills have gone up. I brought it up calmly and asked if we could either limit overnights to a few nights a week or have him chip in for utilities since he’s here so much. I suggested a simple split like making utilities closer to 1/3 each if he’s here more than half the week.
She got upset and said I’m being controlling and "counting nights", and that she pays her share so she can have guests whenever she wants. I told her I’m not trying to police her relationship, I just don’t think it’s fair for me to subsidize another adult using the apartment like he lives here.
AITA for pushing for a utilities contribution (or fewer nights) instead of just letting it go?
You’re right for pushing. Talk to your landlord if she refuses to listen to you
NTA but check your lease because there is a good chance this is not an okay thing. He’s pretty much living there outside one or two nights every week?
If someone that is not me or whoever else pays rent DOES THE LAUNDRY at my house we are 100% splitting the bills 3 ways. Having friends, friends taking occasional showers, partners staying is ok. When normal house duties are done at my place is a nono.
>She got upset and said I’m being controlling and “counting nights”, and that she pays her share so she can have guests whenever she wants.
Do you have any friends that would like to return the favour? Spend all their time in your apartment, cooking, showering, watching TV etc. until she understands how awful it is to not have only two people present?
Otherwise check your lease and see if it limits the number of overnight stays. If it does, tell your roommate that in future you will be abiding strictly by the lease.
NTA.
1) if someone is there more than half the time, they have crossed out of “guest” mode and it’s fair to ask for a contribution.
2) why should you subsidize another adult? The hard numbers are there. The water and power cost has gone up. It is about money, because money is something we all need.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a great solution for you. But you’re definitely not wrong.
Not surprising that she’s annoyed, but NTA. Him there and using the utilities more than half the time put you in the position of subsidizing their time together. They may be more open to a split share of the utilities, since he isn’t on the lease. Just a thought.
You’re not counting nights you’re counting kilowatts and water gallons. There’s a difference. Love may be free, but utilities aren’t.
Can we get that stitched on a pillow? 🤣
Love may be free, but utilities aren’t.
NTA.
*She got upset and said I’m being controlling and “counting nights”, and that she pays her share so she can have guests whenever she wants*
Yes, she can have guests, as can you.
A guest is someone who stays for a few hours, maybe a night occasionally.
**He’s not a guest.** You are now a household of three. He’s the third person living in your home who spends the occasional night somewhere else.
You are correct: you shouldn’t be expected to subsidize him. And it’s not just the money. You should be able to enjoy your space without having him constantly there.
I wouldn’t be letting this go. If your roommate won’t budge, I’d be looking for somewhere else to live.
NTA I was the roommate with the boyfriend staying over all the time and he was the one who volunteered to share in the utilities. Your roommate and her BF are definitely taking advantage and need to pay a fair share.
Oh fuck no. It’s unreasonable to have a guest no more than 3 nights. He’s there days and nights using up extra utilities. She can pay. It’s not controlling.
NTA. And SHE’s complaining that HER costs will drop from 1/2 to 1/3. Hmm.
>her boyfriend has been over about 5-6 nights a week. He showers here, cooks here, and does laundry here
>**Our electric and water bills have gone up**
And they expect you to pay for this, out of the kindness of your heart? He’s her boyfriend, not yours. Either she pays a higher split, or the boyfriend pitches in. Those bills aren’t going to pay for themselves.
NTA
Check the lease, this is probably not allowed.
If you can, find another place and let BF take over the lease for you