So my best friend has been going back and forth for MONTHS about whether she even wanted to attend her own graduation. Every time she asked me what she should do, I told her it’s her moment and she should do whatever feels right. She’d say “it’s once in a lifetime” and that she wanted to go, so I supported her and told her I’d come too if she wanted me there.
At the time I lived 3–4 hours away with no car, but I still said I’d make it work.
About a month ago I moved to her city. I even picked a place close to her (rent is more expensive there) because we’re close and I wanted to be nearby. Four days before graduation I went over and she was showing me her outfit, makeup, hair plans, everything. I offered to bring my makeup over and come early so she could get ready how she wanted.
Then two days before graduation, she randomly texts me at 10 am saying she’s not going. Not asking. Just “I’m not going.” I tried calling, but no answer. So I assumed plans were off and made other plans for that day.
That same night she texts asking what time I’m coming over for graduation. I was confused and reminded her she said she wasn’t going. She said she was “just confused” and maybe she should go because it’s once in a lifetime. Then asked again when I was coming.
At that point I got frustrated. It’s been months of this back and forth. So I told her if she can’t decide whether she’s going, I’m not coming. She said she was going and was just confused. I asked if she was sure or if she’d change her mind again since it was literally the day before.
She then asked if I was bored or lazy and that’s why I wasn’t coming. That annoyed me more. I said no, that’s not it, and asked if she even read what I wrote. She replied that I could come or not, it didn’t matter.
So I said fine, I’m not coming.
I still texted her to enjoy her day and even offered to bring a homemade cake(she loves the cake I make) after to celebrate. On graduation day I texted her congrats and tried calling. No answer.
It’s been 5 days and she hasn’t responded to any messages or calls, goes to voicemail/not seen.
AITA?
NTA, I’m getting frustrated just reading this lol
NTA
It seems your friend is projecting their own dissatisfaction and frustration over poor decisions onto you
NTA – You’re friend needs to grow up and stop acting like a child. You’ve got your own life, responsibilities and schedule. I wouldn’t confirm my attendance until they have.
Absolutely NTA.
Asking you if you are bored or lazy? That’s wild. I would have made other plans the first time she told me she wasn’t going. Her indecisiveness is her problem and her problem only.
Absolutely NTA. She’s butt hurt and SHE’S the lazy one if she can’t even read your message… or make up her mind. LOL. more cake for you 🙂
Is your friend graduating high school or junior high school? Way too immature to be an adult graduating university
NTA. At first I thought, show her some grace. But when she asked if you were bored or lazy, without any self reflection, then I saw you made the right call.
NTA. She’s doing you a favor by not responding, and she owes you an apology. Stop calling and texting.
NTA. u showed up for her again and again, and at some point constant indecision becomes inconsiderate. supporting someone doesn’t mean putting ur life on pause indefinitely. u asked for clarity, not perfection.
setting a boundary wasn’t punishment, it was self-respect. real friends understand that. silence afterward says more about where she’s at than anything u did.
You’re good. She was being unreasonable and at the end insulting. I’d stop reaching out because it makes you look like you’re in the wrong and want to apologize. Make her come to you.
Also let this post rack up a bunch of reply’s and share the link with her so she can see she was the issue.
Sounds like she’s just having fun jerking you around. I hate indecisive people and would have not attended. NTA.
NTA.
You were supportive for months. You offered to travel hours when you didn’t even live nearby, then you moved closer and still showed up emotionally every time she spiraled about it. That’s a lot of effort.
Changing her mind two days before and then expecting you to just drop everything after she already said she wasn’t going is frustrating. You’re allowed to have boundaries. It’s not about being bored or lazy. It’s about not wanting to keep rearranging your plans every time she feels unsure.
You even texted her congrats and offered to celebrate after. That’s not someone being petty.
The silent treatment for five days is immature. If she’s overwhelmed or anxious about graduation that’s understandable, but taking it out on you and then disappearing isn’t fair.
You didn’t ruin her graduation. She created the confusion.
NTA- sounds like your friend craves attention. Time to sober them up.
NTA You keep showing up for your friend and she is acting like a child. Worse, her response shows she doesn’t value you showing up. If that is an indication of how she usually contributes to the friendship, you are better off moving on. A toxic friend isnt better than being alone. If its out of character for her or there is something else going on, give her time and then try to talk face to face. Only you know if her friendship is really worth that effort.