I’ve bought my first ever house, due to move in next 6 weeks or so.
I mentioned to family that I’d honestly rather handle the move myself (rent a van, pay for movers, whatever it is) to just get it out of the way and move in alone, and THEN have family over right after.
I could tell they were abit taken aback by me not wanting a full family day, parents helping load the van, carry my stuff, help me in general etc… which I understand – it’s a big deal and a big chapter in my life they want to be a part of. Either my Mum or Dad has been with me to all 3 viewings and have been involved along the way which I appreciate (though just to note, this is with entirely my own money, no help whatsoever from anybody else).
I haven’t even been to the property on my own once, always other people there, and my Dad being a professional yapper which drives me nuts but I tolerate it as he’s my Dad.
Am I being selfish here? I get they probs want to be invovled, but in my mind it’ll take hour to load the van (ive not got much stuff), a 2 hour drive, then an hour to unload and that’s it… they could then come over on weekend but I just want to deal with it by myself as it will inevitably be more stressful than required with my family on the day.
They didn’t make a huge fuss about it, but I do feel a bit guilty like I’ve rejected them or something
Nta we have moved many times and its much easier to hire a company.
Yeah that’s what I’d like to do ideally. I’ll get some quotes but I know they can be expensive – and I’m pretty much cleaned out lol like spent everything on the deposit and legal fees etc. If I can afford it I will – after all I barely have any stuff, like I am the typical meme single male guy who has like 2 dinner plates, a TV and a chair lol (and other random crap but it’s not like a family size or anything).
You’ll be surprised how affordable they actually are. Especially if you dont have much stuff. Good luck on your move.
Movers is one of few times I really felt like “wow… that was money well spent”, vs having friends help
Agreed. Its just much easier and less stressful hiring a company.
I feel like your parents are just super excited for you and want to be there to enjoy this great day of you moving into your house. I can definitely see how you would rather just move yourself and get everything ready to go and then have them over when the house is ready. I also understand feeling selfish a little bit because you know that they just want to be there because they’re happy for you. I would probably just explain to them that this is your first big move and that they helped you with it and you appreciate it. But you would rathermove in on your own so that it really feels like your house. It was a big purchase and something I think every homeowner likes to feel when they get into their house.
Nobody really wants to help someone move. They say they do cause guilt. But the back pain ain’t worth the pizza. So don’t feel bad. You’re all on the same page.
NTA but deeply flawed position you have here. People are offering to help you move and you are saying…no? It borders on foolish.
These offers do not continue as you get older, friend. Moving sucks. Take the help.
NTA
I don’t see why they’d have a problem with you wanting to move by yourself if you’re paying for it all. Yeah they’d want to help you if you let them cause they’re your family, but they should also be able to respect you enough to let you move how you want. Like you said you can have them over after you move.
Well…. this seems one of those things where I almost what to say Y T A simply because it is so obvious you are not the asshole that it kinda makes you an asshole to even ask this. Of COURSE its NTA. That your family is “a bit taken aback”… well I don’t know what that means. Are they “this is a huge mistake!!!” or “Oh… we just assumed”.
Unless there is some bizarre reason you are not saying (e.g. you are hiring movers that are wildly expensive and are all known sex offenders or something), you have no reason to feel guilty.
NAH
No one is in the wrong here. They were excited to help you, you let them know you wanted to do it alone, they were a little sad but respected your choice.
Nah, it’s your house and your choice to do it how you want. Parents want to help they’re little bird leave the nest.
NAH.
You aren’t an asshole for wanting to take this moment for yourself.
(Though I will say that I think you’re underestimating the amount of work involved in the move. My husband and I have bought three different houses over the course of our marriage and no matter how well-planned and coordinated the move is – with professional movers every time – everything is always more time-consuming and annoying than we think it will be.)
But at least as of this moment, your parents aren’t assholes either for feeling perhaps a bit taken aback by your request.
Just talk to them and explain that you’re excited for this milestone and you just want to experience some of it on your own, but of course you’ll love to have them over very soon after.
NTA – you get to decide how to do things. I moved 4 times in 5 years and the first time I did it myself the other times I hired out. I packed everything and just had them move everything. It’s faster to move when you don’t have other people in the way.