I want to preference that I am not desperate currently nor am I really lonely. However, I am 28 now and I really believe that our biology causes us to slowly accept and seek out a partner that we may not initially want. For example, at 21 you may not want a girl with blonde hair but now at 28, you are crazy about it.
Some of it is maturity and I get that, but other times it is desperation. In my life, I have been on the dating apps for about 5 years now. Off and on and mostly off tbh. Every now and then, I match with a woman and I am not excited to meet up with them. They arent unattractive but the texting isnt great or the vibe isnt there. But then I say, well I been single too long so let’s at least try.
I say this as someone who is currently talking to a girl who I am about to move on from as we are just in different phases. She also is more introverted than I am and based on my last relationship, it can be a personality mismatch.
Now I also have a small crush on a female classmate, who text me everyday but it isnt healthy. She is a mean girl and extremely assertive. I think I am attracted to the go getter attitude in her. But she is a tad crazy lol. Men pass up with dating her and she has very extreme views about men. But I always look forward to her text. So I am getting over the crush pronto.
Had another female classmate that I really liked but she had a bf. We would text a bunch between rotations. One day we text for an entire week which was cool. But nothing was ever going to come from it so I stop texting her. I think she realized that I was lonely at the time which is why she entertaining me. We still cool though and hang out every now and then.
But idk, dating is kinda hard not going to lie. But I feel like I got to fight that urge to just date to date. When I was younger, I was known to reject women for anything. Im a lot more lenient now but how do you stay that without being desperate?
If you keep trying, and either aren’t getting any success, or the success you’re getting isn’t what you want, you can only do so for so long.
Eventually, something inside you just… breaks. Or goes numb. It’s a defense/survival mechanism to protect your emotions when you’re applying your efforts, but getting nothing in exchange. Then one morning you wake up and you’re all, “This is a waste of my time. I’m going to just focus on other things.”
And you do.
And then, by building productive things in your life, going out and doing things, having fun, you start projecting an air of calm attractiveness, and the women just sort of… wander into your life.
If you’re unsure, that’s usually your answer. Don’t date just to fill space it rarely feels good long term.
X
Shit I keep it moving. I’ve been single for 6 years and haven’t even had a single date during that time so I keep it moving 🤷🏽♂️💯
I recommend you go on dates. Don’t overthink this. The crazy one, sure, go and have dinner with her, see if the crazy is just an act and her feminism is just cope for being alone. The introverted girl, sure go hiking, and get coffee, see what is really going on in the quiet one. Get to know them, see if there is anything there. Texting doesn’t work for really getting to know someone. Find others, ask for more dates. Going on a date is not a bid deal and doing it is the gateway to something else.
One get out of the house and turn off reddit. TRUST ME THIS WILL HELP
Two get with people, find a group start hanging out and don’t be so concerned with dating. Just be with people. Go Hiking with friends, go for a beer, go watch a sportsball game. whatever it is just GO do it
Also don’t just focus on finding a woman to date, nor focus on looks. Focus on meeting people to hang with. The dates will come and you will find someone you didn’t expect.
I was always into short curvy blonde women in my 20s. My wife is a taller thin brunette that my younger self NEVER would have looked at. She is way better in looks and in personality than all the women I dated previously.
enjoy being single
Reflect on all the money I’m saving
Go to Pattaya for 2 weeks.
Live in the present not in your head.
Find things that fulfill you ca d keep meeting new people. Don’t worry about what if it doesn’t happen.
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You stopped texting someone because “nothing was going to come from it”. That may reveal an attitude towards women that makes them not want to get involved. Try turning off the part of your mind that evaluates every woman as a potential romantic relationship and just relate as people.
Get really busy working on goals.
Thats makes me more desperate and lonely lol
Establish standards and qualities in women that you like. Become a man worthy of those standards. Screen and compliment women on those standards. Deny them access if they fail to meet them