Okay so my friend wanted to celebrate her 23rd birthday and had decided on a local pub not too far from where we live. I could go there and return home on foot. There was a place and a time to meet and everyone agreed. For context I never met any of her friends.
Some days later, it was nearly time to go and she massaged me saying that everyone is meeting at her place first. I did not anticipate this so I said "ok but I might be a bit late if that’s alright? If not I can just go straight to the pub and meet you guys there." And that’s when she told me that the plans have changed and we are not actually going to the pub, and instead driving to another city to celebrate. That’s why there was a meetup at her place, to decide where to go.
I explained that I don’t have a drivers license and there is no public transport. She said that one of the guys in the group can give me a ride. I told her I think I’ll pass because I don’t want to depend on a man I’ve never met to drive me home, and that I might also have to bounce early because I suffer from period cramps.
She then went off on me about the fact that it’s her birthday and that I need to make an effort, that I’m a bad friend and it’s not about my comfort. I did not reply because I didn’t know what to say.
A bit later it turned out that it was not her who wrote it. She deleted the message and told me "bruh that was my friend lol. she’s angry and took my phone".
I will be celebrating with her another day in the city just the two of us, on me in a restaurant of her choice but this whole ordeal has left me feeling confused and uncomfortable. AITA? should I have went anyway? Is her friend’s anger justified?
This is very shady, you very likely avoided a serious harassment/attack, and just for the record: she is not your friend because she tried to lure you into a vulnerable position among males unknown…
I would go completely NC with her after this…
update: NTA of course
nah, you’re not the asshole. plans changed last minute, and it’s fair to feel weird relying on someone you don’t know for a ride. her friend sounds a bit dramatic. enjoy your dinner with her later.
EXACTLY plus its so weird that bday girl didn’t even think it was necessary to inform her that plans have changed? if you forget about your friend so completely why be mad when they can’t show up
NTA. i would never ever take my friends phone and just go on a rant like that, thats pretty… high school. it’s also absurd to expect your friend to be okay with getting a ride to a different city with a guy you don’t even know. she should’ve understood your discomfort and made another suggestion or just simply said she understands and proceed with the 1:1 plan.
NTA. Considering how her “friend” treated you in text, there is a lot going on there and it’s best to avoid entirely.
The fact that she showed your message to some random person behaving idiotically – says a lot about her.
Did you get the age right, because this is giving 13 not 23. That said – it was prudent to say no and the responses you got prove it.
NTA
Sure she’s a friend? NTA.
Well she is the daughter of my parent’s friends, I’ve known her for a long time
What i meant that her not accepting that you were hesitant to travel somewhere at night without a way to get home, calling you a bad friend, and demanding because it’s her birthday.
Doesn’t sound like a good friend.
Having known her a long time doesn’t mean she’s a friend, and the friendship between your parents is irrelevant. Has she ever been there on your birthday? Doing the extras she is demanding of you?
NTA. Sounds like she hangs with a bunch of dicks
That was not her friend nta and maybe rethink friendship – odd behaviour from her
You’re NTA.
– She changed the plans and didn’t let you know until the 11th hour.
– She created a situation that made it very difficult for you to participate.
– She didn’t even have a solid plan.
– The fact that she was even showing someone else your message tells me the vibe that evening would be her/her friends in one tight knit group with you on the outside.
– Her story that her angry friend sent that message smells like BS.
NTA. Bruh that was not her friend lol.