hi reddit.
I don’t really post on here and if i’m doing something incorrect or need to provide more context please let me know.
I lived with someone a couple years ago and when we split and moved out, she moved half way across the country and I stayed in my current city. it was a kinda tense moving out but that had more to due with personal things that we were dealing with; the roommate situation was pretty inconsequential compared to what we were going through individually.
when we were moving out, she was dealing with a family situation regarding the space in her vehicle and she was not able to take a piece of furniture (roughly about a 2.5 ft long dresser) with her that she had bought.
i knew she was going to be coming back to our city a couple months later because of the company she worked with, so i offered to house her furniture in my place as long as she picked it up when she came back in town.
it’s now been two years. the only time she did come back in town, she did not take her dresser back because her car was too filled. i’ve asked her many times over the past two years to either let me buy it off her to sell it or to travel to come get it. each time she refuses to let me buy it OR travel to come get it.
i have a small apartment. i have a cat that i have never had the room to buy a cat tree for. this has been expressed to her MULTIPLE times; i need her to pick it up or just let me sell it. each time ends in either a no or “i’ll try to come in a month” it never happens.
and now here’s the thing. i traded it. a local friend came over a few months ago and fell in love with the dresser. i told them the situation and they were confused as to why i hadn’t put my foot down about getting rid of the dresser. i explained she’s a good person who has been through a lot and she bought it and loved it so who am i to do anything with? they said “you’re the one being forced to own it tho, and you specifically said not past a certain time.” they then said that if i let them take it, they would buy a cat tower for my cat and also give me 120$ to give to my former roommate.
i then spoke to my parents and few other friends and all of them told me that they thought she was taking advantage of my friendship.
so i did the trade. and now have a cat tower that my little guy loves. but my guilt is still eating at me; she’s going to be so upset with me. and i know she hasn’t seen it in two years, but i know she’s going to be mad.
am i the asshole?
NTA. You’ve been more than accommodating. It’s been two years with no effort from her to try to get it.
NTA. If the dresser was empty she could have put things in the drawers to make room.
NTA you needed to tell her to either get it or get a storage unit otherwise you’re getting rid of it. Your friend was more than gracious to offer $120 for you to give to her as compensation because she didn’t deserve it even though it’s a good way to help take the sting off when she does find out. But there’s a big difference between a couple of months and 2 years. She obviously didn’t need it or cared about it if she did nothing to recover it during that time. She was definitely using you. If anything you were not enough of an AH in this situation, you were way too nice. I wouldn’t even bring up the dresser to her, just wait and see if she asks to ever pick it up.
NTA, your friend broke the deal, you already took care of it for a long time. What I would do though is after 4 months I would talk with her and give 3 options she either pay me to keep it, she comes and grab it or I’m throwing it, and If she said I’m going there the next month, I would say ‘good, pay for one month or I’m throwing it next weekend’.
NTA, she has zero intention of ever picking it up
ESH.
Her more than you. She took advantage of you for a long time. But you really should have warned her one final time with an absolute hard deadline to pick up the dresser. You declined to set a hard boundary.
Nope, NTA. After that amount of time it’s pretty much your furniture to do with what you want. I wouldn’t even give her the money. Keep it as payment for the storage space.
When you both left your shared accommodation, she abandoned her dresser. Since that moment, it’s been yours to do with as you wish.
NTA
NTA, she had plenty of notice to sort it out and refused.
NTA. You kept your end of the bargain by keeping it until her next visit to your city; she didn’t hold up her end of it by failing multiple times to come pick it up well past the limit you’d both agreed on. Therefore, she relinquished her rights to the fresser and you have nothing to feel bad about. You gave her way too many chances, she was basically using your place as a free storage unit
Why do you have guilt for no longer putting up with two years of being a lap dog to your ex?
For crying out loud, stop this.
The ex roommate had plenty of time to get the dresser. If they loved it that much, in all this time, they could have had it shipped. Yeah, maybe a final heads up could have been made, but that’s water under the bridge.