My husband (24m) and I (24f) had a baby toward the end of last year. A couple weeks after he was born, brought him over to my in laws house to meet my husband’s grandmother (94f). She gifted our newborn son a gold coin necklace, which is apparently a tradition that neither of us were aware of. She went to put the necklace on our son, which we both asked her not to and said we don’t think it is a good idea as he is too young to wear a necklace and we’re afraid of it getting caught in his neck folds. We took a picture of her holding him and the necklace, and one where she is laying the necklace on him.
Months later, my MIL calls my husband and goes off on him about how both of them are upset because we did not put the necklace on our son for the picture and that it is disrespectful to the tradition. She also shamed my husband for not being aware of the tradition even though he’s never seen that be done before…. She also said that grandmother is upset by the reaction and that we weren’t excited enough. We were all very excited when she gifted that and told her thank you over and over again.
We’re confused as to why this is coming up now, and what they want us to do to rectify the issue… After doing a google search I discovered that it is a popular tradition, so now I’m wondering if we’re the assholes.
If it was a major disrespect, they should have said something then. Bringing it up now just creates unnecessary drama over a baby who is already growing out of that “tradition” phase.
Does your husband own a gold coin necklace that was given to him as a baby? if not, there’s no tradition. NTA.
Nope!! That’s part of why he is so confused… and no one took the time to explain the tradition to us the day she gifted the necklace to us. Just MIL saying “how could you not know about the tradition”
If I were him I’d throw a (fake) fit demanding to know where his necklace is! LOL. You are certainly NTA. The only thing I can suggest is take out the necklace on him briefly, take a photo, and post how thrilled you are to carry on the tradition. Or, just ignore her and move on.
OP should take a photo of her husband wearing the necklace and send that instead
NAH – put the necklace on the baby, take a photo, take the necklace off the baby, send the photo, move on with your lives.
Yes, we’ve all dressed our kids for a photo in gifted clothes we don’t like. Then send the photo and the outfit goes straight to the thrift shop.
How does your husband not know this tradition that’s a part of his culture?
Also, is he South Asian?
Middle Eastern. Neither him nor his brother were given such gifts as newborns. He’s never seen the tradition be practiced or heard about it.
Are they Lebanese?
When I was a kid my babysitter was an older Lebanese woman and she gave me a gold necklace with a coin and some sort of teal/blue stone as a gift when I aged out of needing her to watch me anymore, supposedly it’s a good luck charm.
You didn’t want your baby looking fresh as hell??
Kidding. NTA. I have a 5 month old. One thing I have learned: my kid is MY kid
If your husband didn’t even know about it then I highly doubt it’s a tradition. Either way it’s your kid and your decision.
Sounds like your MiL wanted to be mad at you, and had to flip back months to find a good reason to get upset. NTA. There’s nothing to rectify or address, because she just wants to stir up something.
I would ask where is my husband’s gift coin? If this is tradition, he should also have one.