m I the asshole for not wanting to invite my fiancés cousin’s boyfriend to our wedding? When we haven’t meet him nor does my fiancé talk to his cousins like that? The future sister in law
Said something to me that rubbed me the wrong way. I’m the blue and she’s the gray.
To me she seems like she ( the sister in law) is trying to get me to invite her cousins bf because he’ll be family soon… meaning he’s trying to propose to he at my wedding g
Blue message ( me)
“Right now we are pushing our limit on guest. Can Emory’s bf sit out on this since we only want it to be family only at the wedding.”
Gray reply: ( SISTER IN LAW)
“I can get David to ask”
Blue message:
“Does Da vid know her bf or something 😂”
Gray reply:
“They have been dating a long time and he will more than likely be family soon enough. That’s probably why he was going to try to come with Emery. I can just get David to ask no biggie.”
I do not want any proposals at my wedding
INFO are any of your other guests bringing plus ones?
Info: Are plus ones allowed?
YTA, who said anything about anyone proposing AT your wedding? If they’ve been together for a long time the natural progression of things means he WILL be family soon. You’re going to be a nightmare at her engagement party and bridal shower aren’t you?
It’s kind of a wild assumption that they’re going to propose at your wedding just because someone said they would probably be family soon.
INFO:
From the messages it sounds like you already invited him and now want to walk it back (you asked if he could sit this out)?
And David is…?
Not sure where you’re getting the idea your fiance’s cousin’s bf is going to propose at your wedding, though.
YTA- You just sound like… DRAMA! A guest asked if their long time BF could join her and you want to cause drama.
YTA for jumping to conclusions or lacking reading comprehension. Your SIL is just saying cousins boyfriend is a serious boyfriend and she expecting them to get engage at some point soon so she thinks he deserves to be at the wedding, not that they will get engaged at your wedding.
It’s totally fair for you and your fiancé to not invite him because you/your fiancé don’t know him or that side of the family that well. But don’t invent a fake reason (a proposal that you imagined) to get mad about your SIL or cousins bf.
YTA for assuming that “he’ll be family soon” = “he’s totally going to try to propose at my wedding”
Unless you have any solid reason to believe that he is going to propose at your wedding (it doesn’t sound like you do), it’s absolutely wild to assume that he’s going to propose.
By “family soon”, they probably mean that they want to be included in family occasions because marriage is on the table. I was with my BF for 4 years before we became fiancé’s- I would have been incredibly hurt to not be included because I was just his GF at the time. I am lucky his family is very inclusive and we are incredibly close, I was included in every wedding and holiday gathering. Being engaged shouldn’t be the only gateway into spending time with a family.
If they have been together for a long time and especially if they live together, I would extend an invite if you can. If the guest count is locked in, explain that nicely to your cousin.
YTA for assuming someone is going to propose at your wedding, which is in no way stated or implied here. You don’t have to invite the bf if space is tight but SIL has done nothing wrong here and is responding appropriately.
NTA for wanting to limit numbers but YTA for only excluding him if you think, based on this conversation alone, that it means somehow that a proposal will be happening at your wedding. It’s a bit of a stretch
You’re also wishy-washy with ‘asking’ ‘CAN the bf sit this one out’. You need to talk to your fiance, draw a line with guests, then send out your invitations. Period.
If there was ACTUAL hint dropping like ‘well, there might be a surprise coming….’ so long as the surprise isn’t happening at my wedding, I’m really happy for them’.
YTA. Kind of.
Gosh I hated sorting out invites for my wedding. The absolute worst part. So many 3rd or 4th cousins that you only see at weddings or funerals. Money that could be spent elsewhere.
***INFO Who’s paying for the wedding?***
If both families are contributing and you two are contributing, I think you’re SOL. Give the plus one.
Your MIL invited the cousin. The cousin has a boyfriend. It’s easier to suck it up. You’re not going to see everyone at the wedding anyways.
Wild assumption that you think the BF will propose? Talk with your financé about how he feels.
If YOU’RE paying for the wedding and your fiancé doesn’t care about the cousin, get him tell to tell his mom to kick rocks.
YTA. I have been the cousin in this situation and my family told me that my relationship “wasn’t serious enough” to warrant a plus one. It’s now incredibly awkward trying to socialize with that side of the family because I married the person that they said those things about.
YTA, not for keeping the guest list tight but for jumping straight to “he’s gonna propose at my wedding” when nobody actually said that. “Family soon” just means they’re serious, not that he’s planning a rom-com moment during your first dance, and honestly you’re kinda creating drama where there isn’t any.