So, throwaway cuz my best friend knows my main
Me 27M nd my best bud Omar 26M have been tight for years, we literally share everything, like, nothing is too dumb or too embarrassing to tell him
Last month, I was venting about this Tinder disaster I had, Girl 24F, seemed normal at first, cute profile pic, working at some big TV station, but holy crap, once I met her, total trainwreck. Personality zero, Culture nada. Her entire vibe screamed, I only care about myself nd sleeping. She laughed at her own lame jokes like she was on Saturday Night Live. I refused to see her again, unmatched, blocked gone, no pics, no receipts, nothing
Anyway, I’m telling Omar all this, cracking up, he’s laughing so hard he almost choked on his drink. Dude, he says, literally the smartest thing you’ve done all year. We had a solid laugh, agreed she was a disaster, cool, moving on
Fast forward a week, Omar calls me, buzzing with excitement. Dude, I met someone, she’s amazing, I think I might really like her. He’s calling me after every date, telling me what they ate, how she laughed, how she smiled, I’m happy for him, genuinely
So today, we hang out. He’s grinning like a kid. He pulls out his phone nd shows me pics of the girl he’s dating now
And I freeze
It’s her, THE SAME girl I unmatched on Tinder
No way, no freaking way. She’s grinning in the pics, looking cute, all dressed up, completely unaware of the chaos she caused in my head a month ago. And Omar, totally smitten. He’s talking about future plans, meeting the parents, maybe even moving in together
I literally have no idea what to do. Do I
A) Spill the truth nd tell him, Bro, you’re dating the girl I unmatched cuz she was a disaster?
B) Stay quiet nd let him figure it out on his own
I don’t wanna ruin his happiness, but I also don’t wanna him get hurt when he inevitably finds out
AITA
Option C: tell him you matched a while ago and went on a date and it didn’t work out. Don’t say it was the disaster girl, just some other date that you didn’t feel a spark. Obviously if your all friends eventually he will bring her around and she will recognize you so hiding it isn’t an option
INFO: What about her made her personality seem like all she cared about was herself and sleeping? Cause it’s coming across like you judged her far too harshly.
Maybe just tell him she was someone you went out with and not bring up that you had talked about her before unless he asks
You would be the asshole if you interfere with the relationship. Omar deserves to get to know her and form his own opinions without outside interference. Just because you didn’t like her and felt that way doesn’t mean that Omar does. If she really is like you described let him discover that for himself and be their to support him after.
YTA just because you didn’t like her doesn’t make her a “disaster”
A person can be a disaster for one and also heaven sent to another. Let your friend have some happiness, she might be just what he needs and wants.
nta but at some point, omar’s probably going to bring this girl with him to meet you. it’s better to tell him sooner than later about your tinder situation with her.
some people act differently when they’re on a date with someone they actually like. I would have said something in the moment probably, but it doesn’t negate the fact that they seem to have had a lovely time with each other so far? it’s weird to not say anything but it’s also weird that you think this will automatically implode just because you didn’t like her. her worst crime is… *you not finding her to be interesting and funny*. I’m not really sure in what world that would be considered a tinder disaster. A tinder disaster is like when you get robbed or when my neighbor’s sister got drugged by her date. Or when your date gets hit by a car. Or maybe when they catfished you. It literally just sounds like you didn’t enjoy her company. This does not mean she’s necessarily bad for your friend and I’m confused as to why you’d assume that. My take is YTA for not saying you knew her in the moment because now you’ve made it weird to bring up.
Ever heard the saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Idk her so I’m not gonna say she’s trash but clearly she wasn’t the one for you and you didn’t care for her personality. Clearly your friend likes her and sometimes it takes certain people to be able to get someone to show more of their personality. This could be the case with her. Maybe she’s showing him a more multi-faceted version of herself than she showed you. Every person doesn’t always bring out the best we have to offer and that’s okay.
If this woman isn’t a disaster in the sense that you fear for your friend’s safety and general wellbeing I say leave it alone. However, it just sounds like you don’t like her and didn’t mesh well. I personally believe you should stay out of it but you’re gonna do whatever you’re gonna do🤷🏽♀️
YTA if you badmouth her to your friend, but NTA if you simply make him aware that you’ve matched and went out on a date in the past and you realized you weren’t a match. This way, if their relationship gets serious it’s not like you kept it a secret. This literally doesn’t have to be a thing if you don’t make it one.
So you met a girl and were incompatible, now your friend met that girl and seemingly IS compatible with her and you want to ruin it for him? Yes you would be TA if you tried to ruin this based on YOUR preferences in a partner. Don’t say shit and never mention that she is that girl if he brings her around, just that you went on a single date with her and didn’t hit it off if it comes up. Let your friends find their own happiness and worry about yourself.
So you say you went on one date and decided she was a disaster but you also say she ’caused chaos in your head’
The way you come across in your post screams main character syndrome, I’m betting what really happened is she rejected you and now you’re spiralling. Your friend has obviously gone on more than one date with her and has decided he likes her. You’re eventually going to meet and she is going to give him her side of the story, probably a very different version to yours.
A bullet was definitely dodged!
This girl could have ended up with a guy who spells “and” without the A.
Just tell him but make it clear just because you didn’t like her doesn’t mean he shouldn’t. I would also tell him to bring up his friendship with you to her so the 2 of them can figure out if they are still comfortable dating. It’s an awkward situation and will probably be a couple of awkward conversations. Better to do it now though than later if they are still going and he wants you to meet her.
NAH yet.
You’re not wrong for thinking she was a bad match for you. But that doesn’t automatically mean she’s a bad match for him. One awkward Tinder date is not a character verdict.
If you say nothing and he later finds out you recognized her and stayed quiet, that could feel shady. At the same time, if you go in like “bro she’s a disaster,” you’ll look jealous or bitter, especially since he’s clearly excited.
The mature move is something calm and factual. Like, “Hey, just so you know, I actually went on one date with her a while back. It didn’t click for me, so I unmatched. But that’s just my experience.”
No insults. No character assassination. No “trainwreck.” Just your experience.
Then let him decide. He’s 26. He’s allowed to form his own opinion.
You’re only the asshole if you either trash her out of ego or hide it in a way that feels deceptive later.