I (27F) went to dinner with my boyfriend (29M) and his two friends who I only know slightly. The friends he brought to the dinner were people I knew only as acquaintances.
During the dinner he told me about his work when the conversation shifted from salaries to raises to his friend who asked about my job.
I work in admin because I need a steady job which pays less than glamorous work. The answer I gave him showed my current work situation which I felt proud to share.
My boyfriend laughed while he said "She does not want to make money from this relationship." I chose to smile at the comment because I wanted to avoid creating an awkward situation.
He declared his responsibility to handle our financial situation. His friends started laughing at his comment. I laughed at the situation because I had to laugh at that moment.
I felt stupid because I needed to pay my own bills. I have paid my own bills since I started working. I make less money than him which is acceptable to me. The situation never created any problems before now.
He announced in a loud voice that he would pay the bill because she needed to skip her rent expenses. The statement he made about his finances did not correspond to reality. The situation he presented about his finances did not represent his actual financial situation.
I left the gathering after I told everyone that I needed to leave because I felt sick. I did not create any disturbances because I maintained my calmness. I required to leave that area because I reached my limit of staying.
He sent me a text message which stated that I had embarrassed him with my behavior because he thought everything was "obviously just a joke." His friends now believe that we have an argument which makes him angry.
I left the situation because I should not have done that. I wonder if I overreacted because part of me feels that way. I wanted to leave the room because I felt small during the entire event.
The question I need to answer is AITA.
If he was embarrassed it is because of his shitty comments. NTA.
NTA. Leaving while being disrespected is the thing to do. HTA. I hope leaving will be a permanent consideration. He wants to elevate himself at your expense and that rarely turns out good for you. 🤔🚩🚩🚩🏃🏼
Im gonna say NTA you dont have to take your boyfriend making you the source of his jokes, and i reccomend making that clear to him
NTA – youre boyfriend is an insecure asshole
NTA
You felt small because he wanted to appear larger than you.
NTA. Your BF is an asshole trying to passive aggressively embarrass you in front of his friends for his own ego.
You embarrassed *him*? Wait, what? What about him embarrassing *you*?! NTA.
NTA! Making jokes at your expense and disregarding your contributions to the relationship was unnecessary and hurtful. He should be embarrassed by his own behavior! If his friends think you were angry then they probably see the rudeness of HIS comments.
NTA, your boyfriend was putting you down. It wasn’t a joke, he’s backtracking now because you left and he feels embarrassed. He’s a walking red flag.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a petty, insecure man who tried to make himself a big man in the eyes of other men by ridiculing his woman. He’s clearly the asshole here. Leaving him was exactly the right thing to do and I hope you make that a permanent decision.
NTA but next time call him on his bluff.
“Oh, are you going to start covering expenses proportional to your income instead of just fifty-fifty? That’s great! It’ll be nice to be able to build up some savings instead of having to burn through my paycheck every week buying us groceries!”
He’ll still get mad at you, mind you, because he’s an asshole.
Actually don’t call him on his bluff next time. Instead, consider strongly whether there should be a next time.
As a Brit, I would walk out of the relationship. We just DON’T talk money. Income is very private. And taking the piss out of your OH because of what (s)he earns is a dog shit move.
NTA although l’m confused with how you have phrased things.
You said you felt stupid because you needed to pay your own bills. But then you said you have paid your bills since you started working. Which one is it? Do you pay them or not?
You said you left the situation because I should not have done that…….. done what?l
That behaviour was a red flag. I’d reconsider the relationship because being with someone who tries to put you down is a recipe for an unhappy life. You are NTA but your boyfriend is.