This is my first post, so I apologize if the delivery is off, or the formatting is weird.
I, (26F) have been with my partner (27M) for 2 years now, whom I met 3 years ago in school after I moved out of my parents to another place in the country. Last year, after a lot of convincing, I got my partner to come with me to my hometown (about a 2hr flight) for a few days to visit my parents and for them to see where I grew up. They are an introverted person, and would rather spend time gaming at home or spending time with me and their dog so this was a big win for me and I thought it was a big step into our relationship. I value family a lot, so my partner coming to meet my family and friends felt really special.
I wanted my partner to see and visit the various places that I did as a child, while meeting my friends and family. We stayed at my grandparent’s place because my parents, being traditional Asian parents, didn’t want them staying in the main family home. Naturally, my partner was awkward with my parents but still made some sort of effort to talk to them. They were able to communicate with my parents in their language and they briefly talked about work. My family one day invited my partner to dinner, which was again, naturally very awkward but I saw this as a big win.
My partner always says that they aren’t a "touristy" person, and while I do admit the places I took them during their stay, were to the more popular spots for tourists, it was still a part of me that I wanted to share. We eventually did some hiking because I wanted to show them the places that my family would go to during the summer (which they aren’t a big fan of the outdoors, but they did come anyways). My partner would complain about the mosquitoes being much larger and nastier compared to where we currently live, which I thought at the time was valid because there weren’t any mosquitoes where we currently live.
On the day that they flew back, my partner got a nasty cold and talked about how my hometown gave them the cold and how the mosquito bites were super big itchy. I wasn’t sure if what they were saying was a joke as in "this is a funny thing to reminisce on" or if they associated my hometown with bad memories.
Anyways, this year I wanted them to come back to my hometown to visit my family again and to see the other places that I didn’t get to take them to. As what I predicted, my partner made excuses saying that they had to take care of their dog (my partner lives with their family), they didn’t want to get sick, the mosquitoes are really bad, etc. I tried convincing them that my family wanted to see them (which I wasn’t sure this was true, but I did want my family to at least like them a bit and having my partner come visit would have been a sign that they are committed to me right?), and that there were places I wanted to show them that we didn’t get to do before.
AITA for wanting my partner to visit my hometown in the summer after what they’ve experienced?
YTA if you stay with this guys.
How is this a good relationship? Why is the bar so low? How do you think life will get better with age.
Why not be with someone who wants to be with you and do things for you. they don’t even put in the smallest of energy.
You’re doing a disservice to yourself.
NTA, this is par for the course in relationships to care about the other person’s family. You should own up to how much you want this, rather than trying to say your parents wanted it. They should own their emotions more too instead of making excuses. Sounds like the communication in this relationship could use some work.
I don’t think you two are a match. Things that are interested in, they have little to no interest. They are comfortable in the bubble. Are you ok in shrinking your world to be with them? I am sorry.
NTA – I got downvoted to oblivion last time I made this point in this sub, but in a relationship, sometimes you do stuff you don’t necessarily enjoy or want to do, because they are important to your partner.
My guy has a family of approximately 4824, and they love a good old get-together. I like all these people individually, but when they all get together, it’s overwhelming, and I would rather do almost anything else in the world than go to these (international!) events, but I do go. I put a smile on my face, I make an effort, and it’s a few days out of my life that makes my partner (and his family) very happy.
It’s not like you’re dragging your partner to your hometown every 10 minutes, is it? If they can’t make this effort for you, I think it says something about how much they are willing to put themselves out to make you happy.
I see a lot of posts on Reddit, and and have seen in real life when people say something along the lines of “oh but when it’s just the two of us, they are absolutely lovely…”, which is great, but we all have to interact with the world sometimes, and if we have a partner who doesn’t want to interact with the world with us, then that’s a problem.
I do not understand why your partner needs to be tourist in your hometown and see where specific events took place from your childhood. Tell him the story, show a picture if you must, but it just doesn’t feel necessary.
Seeing your family, that’s different. Completely understandable. The problem is that he’s met them already and they don’t really speak the same language. If the relationship hasn’t progressed over FaceTime or WhatsApp since the last holiday, then he doesn’t need to go now. And you shouldn’t be lying to him that they want to see him, it’s setting everyone up for failure when there is no excitement to see each other again.
I get that you want to see your family, but have you considered going somewhere new together? If you want a holiday, have a real holiday!
Soft YTA
NAH – I think you’re not compatible. There’s nothing wrong with them not wanting to go somewhere they can’t enjoy and there’s nothing wrong with you wanting to visit your family with your partner. If your partner wanting to visit your family is a requirement for you then you’re not compatible.
I’ve visited family without my partner loads of times. The times I’ve had my partner with me, I can tell they’re not having fun so it’s no drama to just…go without them.
NTA. However, it’s time for you to move on from this relationship. Your partner ( I use this term loosely )has no intention of meeting you half way on anything. Maybe they wouldn’t be such an introvert if they went out and experienced new things.
This guy is not just an introvert but antisocial. Why are you with him? Move on to someone who actually wants to interact with your life. You both will be happier that way. I have plenty of experience with introverts as most of my immediate extended family fell into this category.
NTA. Your bf doesn’t seem as invested in your life as someone should be after 2 years together. This sounds like a dealbreaker if he is unwilling to visit your family once a year. He didn’t get sick from your hometown, he got sick from the airplane. Any normal person would just bring insect repellent this time. They don’t need to take care of the dog if they still live at home. Believe him when he is showing you who he is.