I met this girl through a college prep/tutoring program. We talked briefly. I don’t really know her, to be honest. Last session, after she found out we were going to the same university, she asked if I wanted to be roommates. My dumbass said yes instead of maybe. She seems nice enough, to be honest, so this is not really on her. I’m more concerned if we would mesh, to be honest. Our personalities are polar opposites. She’s very loud and funny but can be kind of obnoxious and annoying sometimes. Yesterday, I was on the phone with her, and her mom was the same way, just loud and obnoxious, always cussing and kind of rude. I don’t want to say that just because her mom is a bit unorthodox that that automatically means she will be, but Idk I’m just scared. I’m sort of nerdy and more reserved around people I don’t know, but when I’m comfortable, I can be outgoing.
It’s been about two weeks now and the housing application has just opened. I’m debating on putting down different preferences/rejecting her inquiry in the portal all together. I don’t know. Am I writing her off too early? I know that I don’t have to be buddy buddy with my roommate, but I don’t want any issues. It’s a 2bed 1 bath for freshmen, so we’d only share the bathroom and kitchen.
You WBTA if you ghost her or just reject the inquiry without having a conversation about it. If you are really that concerned, talk to her and tell her you’re worried it might not be a good fit, so she can find someone else.
pretty much this.
NTA for not wanting to live with someone you don’t think you’d be compatible with but you would be the AH if you didn’t give her a heads up. She might not want a randomly assigned roommate and it’ll give her a chance to find someone else. There’s also a chance if she’s set on living with you she might escalate things if she thinks the school made a mistake. It’ll be an awkward conversation but it’s worth having.
Definitely talk to her about it. Y’all are going to the same university, so it would definitely be awkward if you didn’t. Don’t burn bridges based on assumptions.
Honestly I’m considering just thugging it out. Like what if I do like her. She’s a pretty fun person to talk to, she’s sort of obnoxious at times which can be kind of overstimulating for someone like me with a low social battery.
Give her a call and address that issue before committing.
I agree. Give her a call. Meet for coffee. Tell her you’re a really quiet reserved person, and you’re concerned you won’t mesh. Tell her you need quiet time etc.
See what she says. Maybe when she’s in public she’s “on”, but she’s more reserved at home.
And sometimes it’s fun to have someone that drags you along to things you’d never go to on your own.
Wait this is perfect advice! I never thought of presenting it in that manner. I don’t just want to outright reject her based off of my own personal assumptions/fears about college life. The more I think about the situation, I think I’m more scared of not liking college that much and finding anything to nitpick about. Def am going to open up that conversation!
This should have been done beforehand, but have a discussion about what both your expectations would be about the situation. Like: “I like to be in bed by 10 if I have early classes, do you like to have friends over till late? Cause if that’s the case, we might not be very compatible as roommates.” Same with cleanliness, etc.
If she’s a late night partier, etc, that might scare her off and make her realize you’re not what she’s looking for, and vice- versa.
NTA. You barely know her, do what makes you most comfortable. Personally, I would reach out and be honest with her. It might hurt her feelings, but its going to hurt her more if she is surprised by it, and who knows maybe if you tell her now, she can find someone else she likes (and whose living space wants/needs wouldn’t come into conflict with her own).
I’d maybe say something like “Hey, I’m sorry but I’ve realized that we need different things out of our living spaces and, while we might eventually make good friends, I don’t think we’d be good roommates for each other right now. I know it’s last minute and I should have talked to you about this sooner, I just didn’t want to hurt you but I realized that blindsiding you would be worse.”
all that said, I am a conflict averse person; I like taking the path of least resistance, usually try to avoid conflict and often times go into problem-solving mode even when its not my job to problem solve. So, I *could* be totally off the mark here, but I do think communicating with her is the best route to take
Well I wouldn’t be rooming with someone I already find slightly annoying. That’ll just get worse with time. Send a message asking to meet about the roommate request (hey now that the housing applications are open let’s discuss being roommates again. How/where would you prefer to do this?)
Then when you talk tell her you’ve decided not to be roommates. “I wanted to tell you that I’ve decided not to be roommates. I’ve decided to go with (whatever other method is used for getting a roommate).”. You don’t need to argue or justify, just give her a heads up so she can find someone else if she wants to. If you absolutely feel like you need to give a reason then you want to meet new people/experience the college’s method of assigning roommates.
If she does start to go off leave, hang up, and/or block her. BTW if this happens it just means your instincts are correct about not rooming with her. Better to find out now than after you’re assigned the same room. NTA as long as you tell her. YWBTA if you don’t give her a heads up.
You’re right. I need to grow some balls and just be honest about my concerns.
Always go with your gut.
This! Now is the time to be upfront and tell right away, rather than committing and then regretting it.
NTA but don’t delay in letting her know.