So i posted this in another sub and everyone was basically calling me a horrible person because lab partner is postpartum and its been bugging me since ( the response to my post not the pp). So heres the story:
Basically im taking an online biology class and we are assigned a lab every week. I am in a group of three people, we all share a grade, and the prof has required that only one person submit per group. We agreed to meet on wensdays at a certain time to work on the lab and submit it. One of my lab partners pretty much went through her final phase of pregnancy and entered postpartum during this time. Obviously there were times that she could not work on the lab due to her situation. Me and my other lab partner were considerate of this. Now this is were my problem starts.
The lab partner will agree to meet with us to work and then 30 minutes prior will cancel with a reason always related to her pregnancy/postpartum. At first i was considerate of it because i know these things are unpredictable, but it became a pattern, like clockwork she would agree on maybe Sunday/Monday that she would be able to participate, then bail last minute. To add to this we have still been putting her name on the assignments she didnt do, because why would I want to add a failing grade to what shes going through???
Its a very compromising situation, I felt that if i gave her credit id be giving her a free grade, but if i didnt i would look pretty shitty. So she recently gave birth and it became clear that she was in no postition to be doing work. She cancelled on us two times in a row since the baby was born, which is understandable, but what are we supposed to do? My other lab partner was in agreement with me since we had had a conversation about it and shared our frustrations.( not with her but the situation)
So one night shes pretty much blowing up my phone asking if we can give her a free grade on the last lab that we did. She cancelled on us last minute, again, to complete it so me and my other lab partner just submitted it because we knew she wouldnt be able to help us with it. I had had enough so i just told her that she needs to talk to the professor so that she can be accommodated for her specific situation and that I was not willing to cover for her for the rest of the semester. She got upset telling me that she never asked us to cover for her and that she wouldnt expect us to understand what shes going through because if we did I wouldnt have sent her that message. She then says that she "wont be a burden " to us anymore and that she will do the labs on her own. She also said that shes been struggling with PPD, which a lot of people were perturbed about in my last post on this subject. For clarity I AM NOT INVALIDATING THE EFFECTS OF PPD. I am only asking for advice on this situation i am not invaliding her experience, i just dont think its fair to me or my other partner.
So, AITAH?
former professor here – NTA for stopping what is effectively cheating because she’s not doing the work. That said, I also think your professor is a bit lazy here having no way to actually validate people participated and understood the lab work.
NTA if she can’t do the work she should drop the class. There’s a reason people go on maternity leave
NTA. Just talk to your professor with the whole story. They are more human than you expect. This is too much burden to deal with on your own.
NTA
her situation may suck, but it’s not like she didn’t know she was going to have a baby, so maybe taking a lab class that quarter/semester should be postponed, as she’s asking her partners to do all of the work for her to pass off as her own.
She chose to take a lab class during her final stage of pregnancy. She probably thought she would pop right back to school work. Unfortunately, it didn’t work that way for her. Missing the classwork in the lab work diminishes her learning, which is the purpose of school. She needs to realize that she has to drop out until she’s ready to press forward again. You should not cover for her anymore. It’s not doing her any service.
NTA. I say this as a mom of two fully aware of the nightmare that postpartum period can be. And I also say this as a doctor who endured premed and med school: You aren’t doing her any favors by carrying her through this class. She’s going to pass having not learned anything and that will only be to her detriment when she moves on to the next class.
Science classes are taught in layers for a reason and if she picks up nothing from this class then she’ll struggle when she gets to bio2 or biochem or orgo or whatever is next in her degree.
She should speak with your professor and tell them that she’s struggling and see what they can offer to help her. It’s not your responsibility.
Actually I don’t think you need to deal with this for her. If she has compelling medical things going on then the university can sort that out with her. If she does not do the work she will not understand the material and it is potentially foundational for other classes. NTA
She need to withdraw from the class. This isn’t your responsibility.
Tell the prof the situation and let the prof deal with it.
It is not the “right thing to do” to let someone not do their course learning but wishes to cheat and lie their way into getting the course credit anyway. PPD or not, she needs to know her course material! If she has a temporary mental disorder, she needs to talk to the appropriate people to have accommodations made for her, OR, she needs to drop the course at this time and take it later when she can actually learn from it.
I’m guessing this science course is needed to apply for further training, perhaps in a medical field? How would you like your nurse or technician to have ghosted all her training labs and learned nothing by them?
NTA.
NTA. She cant do the work. If it was a once or twice thing,maybe cut her slack. But it sounds like she is not contributing at all. I am a mom of 2 kids so i can say if I was in her shoes, I would have taken the semester off. She is healing and dealing with a new baby, she cant be getting anything out of the class. Seems like she was hoping she could just coast by and get an easy grade without doing the work. I personally would feel horrible if I put all my work on someone else like that. And this is a biology lab course, if you dont do that labs, what are you doing? Definitely talk to the professor and explain the situation that you would like her removed from your group because she is unable to contribute. The professor will have to see if they can accommodate her, but that is her problem.
NTA
I would have said N A H if she’d taken it upon herself to speak to the professor about her situation. But she just kept cancelling last minute.
I have empathy for her – what a difficult situation. But it’s hers to manage, not your. Also, if she coasts through this subject on your generosity, she won’t have the knowledge required for the next one, or for the work this course will lead to.
Tough all round, but NTA.
Nta. It’s her problem and enabling isn’t helping. She needs to learn accountability. You were more than considerate. Don’t let ppl make you feel anything u did the right thing
I agree with you, and I’m not sure why people would have been giving you a hard time over this. Maybe you phrased it badly. As described here, she absolutely needs to talk to the professor. She has a medical condition which is preventing her from completing the assigned work for the class. The solution is to get some sort of medical accommodation or postponement, not to have others do all the work and turn it in with her name on it. NTA.
NTA. I have had two kids, I know how rough PPD is, had a really bad time with my second. That being said, she should have spoken to the professor beforehand. It isn’t your job or responsibility to make sure she passes. And it is not in your purview to make accommodations for her. That responsibility lies with the professor. Let him know, and let her know you have informed the professor.