My wife is from Italy and she has always wanted to attend a traditional black gospel baptist worship service. She found a church in Sacramento and wants me to take her but i’m uncomfortable with the idea. First of all, I’m not particularly religious but if pushed would identify as Catholic. The main rub though is that it feels intrusive. It’s not my community and though I’m sure the church would be welcoming, it feels like we’d be there for the vibe. To her credit, she genuinely would be all in for the worship. She thinks I’m being a bit racist to pre-exclude us and I kind of agree but at the same time I don’t want to feel entitled to go wherever I please…
YTA I’m black, church is for everyone even if there are more groups of races than others, your wife even said she would be there to worship as everyone else, so what is your problem?
I know most churches to be friendly and welcoming, but for myself I am not comfortable attending as I don’t share their beliefs, and *I feel* that I’m being disrespectful. I understand that most members wouldn’t care. It’s just my personal discomfort, and it even extends to churches I had attended regularly in the past.
I agree with you !! I am white, lived in an all black neighborhood…. I was 9-10 years old and would walk to the closest church to me. I also took my little brother. I was Baptized at the church, the church was all black Baptist church. That church was amazing. We were welcomed and I am sure stuck out in the congregation… the 2 little white kids near the front row. We loved the music and the message. It was the best church service ever.
Take her to church. It doesn’t matter the race. God is touching her heart to go and you as her husband should go with her. Who knows you may love it. I was Baptized April 14, 1975. Best day ever .
>I’m black, church is for everyone even if there are more groups of races than others
It sounds like OP is maybe worried about invading what he assumes is a safe space for the regular church goers? As in, he’s not 100% sure if they feel like it’s just for the sake of experiencing the “black church” stereotype? Ie, maybe he wants to avoid making them feel like their worship is somehow the object of his entertainment.
I do think that’s likely overthinking it in 99.99% of cases, but can also see where that thought process may be coming from.
Everyone has email these days. There should be contact info on their web page or their facebook, have her email them and ask. If she is uncomfortable with sending the email then, I think you are right.
this feels like one of those situations where it’s less about church and more about both of you wanting to feel respected in your identities, and i’ve learned the hard way that even small “it’s just for the vibe” compromises can hit deeper when it touches culture and beliefs 😭
Why not call the church office in advance and ask if their services are for members only or open to the public? If you go with sincere, respectful intentions, there’s nothing wrong with it, but you can ask in advance given your concerns.
I’m not sure there’s a church in existence that is members only for main services.
Drop her off at front door and pick her up when done.
Can she not just go herself?
The Black gospel churches in Harlem are genuine tourist attractions and as long as the visitors are respectful, they’re welcomed warmly.
I live in NYC and there is a black gospel church that is so popular that tourist show up by the load. You don’t need to know anyone. Just come with respect for the house. The black church opens their arms to everyone! If you don’t want to take her, encourage her to go on her own. It’s a beautiful experience.
Contact the church beforehand and ask if visitors are welcome. Explain about your wife. They’re people, they can explain their boundaries for themselves and they don’t bite.
I’m Jewish. We don’t exactly promote conversion. My synagogue welcomes non-Jews with open arms—and that’s even with everything going on. I have never been to a Church that doesn’t do the same. My husband is Baptist. I’m down for a visit to the Baptists any Sunday. The food is delicious.