Hi there, my grandfather passed away in Dec. and his celebration of life is coming up this weekend. It’s a 3.5 hour drive and my cousins (all ladies and unmarried) are renting a house for the night. I told my husband that I want to go just myself and I wanted to hang with them and send Gpa off the way he would have wanted. My husband has taken major offence this and says he doesn’t know who I am anymore. He can’t understand that why I don’t want him there. I told him it’s not that I don’t want him there, it’s just it’ll be really awkward if it’s just him as the only man staying at the house. He can’t believe that I would not invite him. He is beyond mad. I told him he could come to the service and drive home afterwards and I’ll catch a ride home the next day. I told him this isn’t about him and his feelings. That didn’t go over either.
So AITA? Is the awkwardness just me? My cousins don’t know him at all. Am I just projecting that or it wouldn’t be a big deal if he stayed over? Or should I never should agreed to stay the night and just came home with hubby?
NTA. Your grandpa passed away, and it is a shame that your husband is making it about him. Your family should grieve and celebrate his life without concern for your husband’s feelings. And wanting to be with your family is a natural occurrence after a loss of a family member, which, though your husband is family to you, he is not to the others. Let alone the discomfort that a man will bring into a household of women. Tell your husband he is being selfish and insensitive to the rest of the family. If he doesn’t want to drive back alone, he could get a hotel there, and then you can choose to go back to the hotel or stay with your cousins.
NTA. Unless your husband was super close to your grandfather it’s not unreasonable to want to take the weekend and have that time with your cousins.
>it’ll be really awkward if it’s just him as the only man staying at the house.
It’s only awkward because you’re being awkward about it.
YTA
NTA I personally wouldn’t let a partner/anyone dictate my grief
YTA not for the sentiment of what you want to do, but for how you’ve communicated it.
Instead of telling your husband that you want to carve out some time while there to be with your cousins, or that accommodation might be tricky due to your female cousins, you just straight up told him you want to go by yourself. You’ve dismissed any desire he might have had to attend without considering it. And, based on your phrasing here, it seems you effectively told him his presence isn’t what your Gpa would have wanted. Of course he’s hurt.
I’m sorry for your loss. You owe your husband an apology and you need to communicate more clearly about the entire event, his inclusion and involvement, and what aspects of it you’d like to do solo.
No that’s not it at all. Sorry for my wording. I’m saying my gpa would have wanted us to have drinks and tell stories. I told him he is more than welcome to come I just want to stay the night and the sleep over ladies only.
NTA
I think it’s a bit odd that he’s making this about himself instead of supporting you and your grieving process. Plus if he goes and it’s all your cousins… he’s the only one who isn’t related to the grandfather and he’s just there for what exactly? This isn’t even just about you, it’s about your cousins as well. I can’t imagine needing to infringe on a family celebrating the life of their loved one.
NTA … read the room bro, it’s a sister-cousin situation.
Are your cousins the only ones going? The entire situation is weird.
I would honestly just rent a hotel room for your husband and you. You can still hang out at the house but then go back to the hotel with your husband. It would be weird for him not to go to the celebration of life unless there is more to the story. This is a time to get together with the family.
NTA, if my SO said they wanted to rent an airbnb with just the cousins after the service to swap stories about grandpa, i would never crash out about it. Id be like “ok, sure. Do you need anything?”
Id think it’s weird if you dont want him at the actual service/funeral though. When my beloved gramps passed last year, i absolutely wanted my spouse to be there for me. But yeah just say the airbnb thing is just for the cousins to commiserate.
Nta. I love my cousins husband but if it were me and my cousins (all girls) and she brought her hubby along I think all of us including her hubby would be uncomfortable. Especially if they’ve not met him or arent close. You all shared a specific bond as the grandchildren of the man who died, you should be able to celebrate his life how you want with eachother.
Also, you didn’t make it about you. Idk where those comments are coming from. You made it about your cousin’s and your grandpa. Your husband is making it about him which is not cool. So what if the delivery was weird. That’s her husband, he should be able to see that she didnt mean offense to it because why would you?? Id be like “alright sounds good call me if you need anything. Hope you guys get some peace and celebrate your grandpa’s life”
YTA for how you handled this.
You and your husband going to the service together should have been the given, and then you could have broached with him that you’ve found out your cousins are organising a stay together and discussed with him that you wanted to stay but felt it might be weird for him since he doesn’t know anyone and would be the only man there. Instead it sounds like you waited until a few days out to tell him not to come at all…?
Let me update as I’m shit about saying what I mean. I just want to hang with my family. I’m trying to be accommodating my saying I’m just going to go as it’s long drive. And can be scary to drive at night. Of course I want him by my side. But as he isn’t close with my side, he was only met them a handful of times. I feel like I’ll be spending my time worrying about him and making sure he feels comfortable. He is more than welcome to come. I’m just don’t want to leave early and I want to hang out more with my family. It’s easier on me if I just go.