This is going to be a long story, so I’ll try to get all the info out now.
My best friend and I have been friends since high school. We’ve joked around ALOT, I mean it. At one point we just said “Hey, why don’t we call each other dumb names?” And we haven’t stopped. We don’t meet up much but when we talk over the phone or text, we still do it. We rarely meet up due to work schedules being different.
Last time I met with him I was introduced to his girlfriend, and I will admit she’s a buzzkill and prude. She seems to suck any fun we have out, or wants the attention on her solely. During the time we last met up, she kept bringing the conversation to her, even when I was talking about and trying to catch up with him!
Last week, we played an online game and were on discord to talk, and I had no idea that she was in the room. So when he lost, he went on to joke he can’t ever win and I followed up with saying jokingly “You got that right King Dumbfuck”. Well his girlfriend exploded and yelled at me over his mic! Telling me how much of a douche I am and that I should never talk to her boyfriend like that. I told her we call each other dumb names and it doesn’t hurt. She screamed that I was a bully and hung up the call and I got a disconnect error. He texted me later she forcefully disconnected him by unplugging his computer in a fit of rage, and she wanted me to be cut off and out his life, as she said it’s her or me, and she can leave if she wants. I told him to give it time to think it over, but I haven’t heard back and now I’m worried he chose her.
AITA the for calling him that? It’s a small joke between us and it was never directed at her. I’m just worried he’s okay.
NTA; if he chose her, he’s in for a lifetime of being hen pecked and micromanaged. What is more, he’ll continue to lose friends because she’ll continue to find things wrong with them until, one morning, he wakes up and finds himself all alone.
NTA.
You and your friend have an established dynamic. If you’ve both been calling each other dumb names for years and it’s mutual, that’s not bullying. That’s your inside joke.
The issue isn’t the nickname. It’s that she walked into a dynamic she doesn’t understand and reacted with control instead of asking questions. Unplugging his computer and giving an ultimatum is a much bigger red flag than a dumb joke on Discord.
That said, if he chooses to stay with her, that’s his call. You can’t compete with an ultimatum. All you can do is send one calm message like, “Hey, that’s always been our joke, but I respect your relationship. Let me know where you stand.” Then leave it there.
If he’s okay with the jokes, this blows over. If he isn’t, he needs to say that himself.
NTA. This lady is a giant red flag. Your friend needs to get a better girlfriend.
>I’m just worried he’s okay.
I’m worried, too. If he chose her, then that’s on him. At least you won’t have to suffer through an association with his girlfriend anymore.
NTA. If that nickname is something you and your friend have been joking about for years and it’s clearly mutual, then it’s just part of your dynamic. Plenty of friendships have that kind of humor where you roast each other a little and nobody actually takes it seriously.
The real issue here seems to be that his girlfriend didn’t understand the context and reacted strongly. If she heard it without knowing your history, I can see how it might sound harsh to an outsider. But immediately blowing up, yelling at you, unplugging his computer, and demanding he cut you out of his life is a pretty extreme reaction.
At the end of the day, it’s really up to your friend to decide how he wants to handle it. If he’s okay with the way you two joke with each other, then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s place to police that. If he decides he wants to tone it down around his girlfriend, that’s something he’d need to communicate to you calmly.
Right now the best thing you can do is give him a little space and let him reach out when things cool off. The situation sounds more like a clash of personalities than you intentionally doing anything wrong.
NTA. But it looks like he’s going to choose this walking embodiment of a red flag over you unfortunately. Probably your best bet is to shoot him a message saying you hope he’s ok and you’re there if he ever wants to talk. And reach out periodically to say you were thinking about him and hope he’s ok.
Eventually he’s going to need someone there for him when this ends spectacularly.
NTA. She’s wearing her red flags like a cape and your buddy needs to run while he can
NTA, if he’s fine with the nickname then she needs to mind the business that pays her and stay out of your private jokes.
NTA . You need to talk with buddy about that soul sucker . Unless she fucks like a pornstar he needs a better partner.
I am a married man in my 40s , and my best friends wife calls me his side chick. 🤣 When his mom asked her where he was “ out with his side chick” was not the expected answer …
and he got chewed out by his mom until she realized we were all laughing. Who knew a run to the hardware store would be that dramatic.😆🤣
omg the nicknames are literally part of your friendship history.. she needs to understand that’s just how you guys vibe together and not try to change it.
ESH, the way you describe her is so rude that I have doubts that your account of the situationis unbiased.
NTA. That’s the nature of your friendship. Some people genuinely don’t get that kind of friendship, but he might need some time to get her to grasp that you call each other names, or he might need you to accept that maybe that part of your friendship needs to end.