Context: me, my brother and SIL are working overseas. My elderly mom came for visit from home country for 2 weeks. We traveled last weekend and hotel was fully paid by my friend. Mind you it wasn’t cheap, it was a last minute booking, it was around $2000. We cut our trip short because some emergency happened (not concerning the family) but somehow it forced us to go back home. We don’t live together of course. And mom is staying at brothers and SIL during her vacation. There were arguments during that trip, but nothing major. At least for me I thought they were normal minor arguments. Today I found out they went out last night with mom and they went to somewhere close to where I live. It was just at my area. And they didn’t invite me at all. I only found out because mom mentioned it. When I asked SIL why they didn’t invite me and told her that I got upset, she scolded me and told me not to make it about me. That they were doing it for mom. Somehow she turned the tables and made it my fault that I’m acting like the main character . So now my question is.. AITAH for getting upset?! Because somehow she made me feel that I was the AH because I got upset.
They didnt go on a “Family Night out” they took your mom out to dinner. You are 100% making something having nothing to do with you all about you and taking it as a personal slieght. If your mom is staying with them it makes total sense they would make dinner plans. YTA
are they not allowed to do stuff close to you without including you?? Do you invite them to everything?? They wanted to take your mom out with just them and that is allowed, yes you seem to have main character syndrome…
YTA
INFO: What was the argument about? Super convenient of you to omit details and just tell us it wasn’t a big deal
The argument is whether we will cut the trip short or not. I voted no, and they wanted to go back home. In the end we went back. I even left before them.
Is this night out an isolated incident? I get the feeling that it isn’t. I have been in the same situation, where other people do “family” things without including me. They even had a “family” birthday for my Dad without me. And would often go to dinner without me, sometimes just a mile or two from my house, to celebrate something. Not including me. It just wears you down over time.
I just find it weird that they went out close to where I live without even asking if I wanted to join them or not. Like a simple message to ask if I want to join. Given the limited time that mom is visiting. And right after we spent the weekend together at the hotel that they got to enjoy for free.
I feel like there’s a lot of info missing here, but either way it does sound like you’re acting like a main character and making it about you when it’s not. YTA
I feel like a ton of info is missing.
1) Who is “we” when you say “we traveled”? You and your spouse? You and your mom? You and your siblings?
2) Where does the friend fit in, since you mentioned them paying for your travel?
3) If your mom is staying with your brother and SIL who “live overseas” then they are nowhere near you, correct? You’re in a different location to your brother’s country and your home country?
4) If your brother is overseas and your mom is visiting him, how are they in your neighborhood?
5) Assuming that somehow they got to your area when they believed you to be in a different location, yourself (ie; not at home), why should you be bothered that they didn’t call you?
I literally can’t physically place where everyone is — you’re talking of 4 different locations & 5 people: home country (mom), overseas (mom, brother, SIL), travel location (you & friend), your neighborhood (mom, brother, SIL & maybe you?).
1. We meaning the whole fam: me, brother, SIL, mom.
2. The hotel stay was a gift by my friend for me and mom. It I included them and my friend paid for their hotel too.
3. Me, brother and SIL are living overseas. Mom came to visit us.
4. During mom’s visit we traveled out of state and stayed at a hotel since out of state. And when I said we had to go back home because of an emergency, I meant our homes where me, brother and SIL are currently living. We 3 are living in a different country than mom. We 3 are working overseas in the same country but not the same city.
YTAH. Even in your empathy statement you didn’t say anything like ‘I understand her perspective but…’ you just dismissed her and said ‘somehow she made me feel like I don’t have the right to be upset.’ Total main character syndrome here. It’s okay to ask why you weren’t included. It’s not okay to get upset and entitled about it. There will be other dinners and other play dates during her visit, I’m sure. Maybe you can invite them all to dinner.
I’m gonna go YTA it actually wasn’t about you. It’s fine if they want to eat a meal without you. This should not be a big deal. It’s not wrong to feel FOMO but it doesn’t mean they have to change their plans to accommodate it.
YTA. Stop making it about you. They just had an outing. You don’t have to be at every outing.