I(23) got an apartment and started living alone January this year. My parents had made it clear that I can only get the kind of freedom I want when I live alone so I saved up and got an apartment. They’re doing quite well so living with them is almost a luxury but it’s a little bit like a dictatorship and I just wanna be an adult lol. And no, I have no issues with my parents as I visit regularly. Just a little context.
So my SIL(25) got a new job and it’s closer to where I live than where she lives currently with her Parents so she spoke to my sister and she reached out to our Dad. My sister didn’t talk to me herself because she never liked the idea of me living alone so asking me herself would be like she’s finally seeing an advantage of me living alone lol so she had Dad do it. Last weekend when I visited, my parents brought up the idea of letting my SIL share my apartment, I avoided the conversation as much as I could and only told them I’ll think about it when I was leaving. When I got back home I called and told them I had no intention of sharing my apartment with anyone. That conversation went just ‘as well’ as I thought it would.
Mind you everyone knows why I decided to live alone so I feel like my SIL speaking to every other person about this except me is a bit insulting. We talk, not very often but we do so I think she should’ve spoken to me directly about this and honestly I’d consider but having my parents do that when all I’m trying to avoid is them dictating what I do and don’t doesn’t sit well with me. I reached out to her on Sunday evening to explain my reasons as I’m sure they must have relayed to her that I said No, I got no response. Sent another text on Monday and still no response.
So I’m here wondering if I’m the asshole for refusing to share my apartment because she didn’t speak with me directly.
NTA your sil is weird af though
NTA. Why would the person who wants to live there speak to everyone but you. If that’s the case I certainly wouldn’t want to share space with them.
NTA, but I’m confused. Why isn’t your SIL living with her spouse? How exactly are you related?
Yeah are you dating one of her siblings? If so she’s not your SIL until you get married. Still NTA though
I think it’s her sister’s SIL. As in the sister of OP’s brother-in-law
NTA. For any number of reasons. You get to decide whether you want to share your apartment. Period. No obligation to do so. And if someone does want to, the person to ask is you. Not your sister, not your father. Apparently this was done to try and manipulate you into doing what she wants. Glad you didn’t let it work.
But (and this makes me wonder whether this is a valid post), how do you have a sister-in-law who lives with her parents? Either you’re married, which it doesn’t sound like, and this would be your spouse’s sister, or your sister-in-law would be married to your sibling, in which case, wouldn’t they be living together?
Obviously, NTA, you handled this correctly. Assuming SIL talked to others before/instead of you to add pressure for you to agree, that’s manipulative on her part
NTA. You can justify this as either being about her not coming to you directly to ask (hoping that family pressure would work better than her own voice) or being about avoiding family pressure in your apartment by not having another family member live with you (a reason I suspect your parents were quite happy to ask you on her behalf). In the end, it almost doesn’t matter. Refusing to share the residence you obtained in order to live alone and experience freedom from your family is your right.
With both her parents and your parents wanting this, I don’t know why they can’t get her her own place. Again… I suspect there’s a desire to see the two of you living together so you’re not alone, and a hope that your mere presence applies family pressure. Pure speculation on my part, but I would bet real money on it.
Do not give explanations to your SIL anymore. She didn’t ask you directly, so your response in any manner was just fine.
Stay by yourself in the apartment you saved up for, you earned the right! NTA
NTA – NO is a complete sentence! Tell your SIL you do not want anyone living with you….
NTA
As written, basically everyone else is an asshole here.
I’m glad you told your parents no, but it’s like you to practice saying it to their faces and telling them to shove it is they get huffy.
Tell your sister that the next time something is about you, she can either talk to you directly or jump in a volcano.
And tell your SIL nothing. She’s made her contempt for you very clear.
NTA. You pay the rent, nobody else gets an opinion. Period.
You mention your sister in law but not your brother who she is presumably married to where is he in all this?
NTA, but why are you still trying to contact someone that was disrespectful to you and communicating with everyone but you about YOUR apartment?