I live in a shared house with another two male roomates (both in their 20s). I (30 F) have been living here for almost 2 years, and one roomate, whom I’ll call John, has been living here for about 6 months. We welcomed a 3rd roomie, whom I’ll call Andy, last week, and I can’t complain about him.
Nevertheless, I complain about John’s bathroom habits (and should I say, cleaning habits in general). I don’t tell him all the time, but the times I’ve complained out loud he says it’s not his fault, it was like that when he got here or stays quiet. For example, he leaves the dishes in the dish rack for days and the dish rack has caught mold some times (and our tenant, whenever she comes to check out the place, washes it, or I wash it eventually). He leaves the washing machine on for hours. He doesn’t think the kitchen needs to be deep cleaned.
But my main issue is the toilet. He usually leaves the bathroom without flushing the toilet. he says he does but I’ve find it dirty so many times it’s getting on my nerves. I tried to talk to him and he said "it’s not my fault, the toilet doesn’t flush correctly, I’d need to flush it two times" and I said "well, then wait for it to fill in and flush it again, you need to leave the toilet clean", but he doesn’t seem to care.
I started to send messages to the whatsapp group we’re in (the tenant, John, myself and now Andy) and the tenant just says "you need to respect the house and your roomies and clean after yourselves", and whenever she’s here, she talks to John and he says he gets it, it wasn’t him or tries to blame it on another stuff, it’s "never his fault". Last night it happened again, so I texted the group and he didn’t even answer when it was obvious it was him. The tenant is getting tired too, and I think Andy got uncomfortable, but at this point, I can barely care, because he doesn’t seem to get ashamed. WIBTA if I continue on the texting every time he leaves the toilet dirty, exposing his bad cleaning habits, until he really changes and/or gets ashamed?
FYI: I’m not thinking of moving out, this place is great for me (and I was here first). Technically, the tenant can only wait for him to "want to move out".
Nta. Is there anyway to let him go and get a new roomie?
I’ll ask the tenant next week, she has to come to check some things about the house and isn’t happy about it. In the meantime, I think he’s avoiding me in the common areas.
Are you using tenant for landlord? That is somewhat confusing.
NTA. John’s the AH for not cleaning after himself
Sorry, English isn’t my first language. Yes, I got confused, my bad, instead of tennant I meant landlord.
Your landlord is responsible. Withhold payment until the issue is resolved. Or move out, which you’ve said you’re not considering. Don’t ask Reddit, be proactive.
I don’t think I would withhold the payment, that wouldn’t matter to him. The landlord is a sweet old woman, she’s not to blame.
I’ve put on signs on the bathroom for him to read, but he doesn’t care. Thank you for your advice, though.
NTA. Course not. If anything, given it isn’t him according to him, you NEED to bring it up with everyone to unravel this mystery.
A mysterious mystery, indeed. Thank you!
I think it’s important to communicate about shared spaces. Have you talked to your roommate about it?
i’d call them out,
NTA-if he isn’t willing to clean up after himself, he should be shamed in front of other people. Maybe after a few times he will get it.
Take photos every time he leaves a mess/ick and send them to him every time.
I think I’ll start doing that. He’ll get tired faster than me, for sure.
I’m male and haven’t got the greatest cleaning talent so I’m pretty quiet about others. However not flushing the toilet would get me on a campaign to get rid of the guy.