I hope this doesn’t break the rules for relationship stuff, as honestly us being exes is oddly secondary to us falling out as friends? but nonetheless
I recently went to a weekdays gay bar where it turns out an ex who does not like me bartends. she didn’t say anything when she saw me, but later shot me a text asking her to “never show up at my work”. I would understand if this was a Home Depot job or something, but it’s not, it’s one of the very few weekday gay bars I know of. I told her very frankly I have no intent to bother her in her work, and that I don’t even mind if she personally refuses to serve me, but still she insisted.were this any other job I could respect asking for such privacy, but in such an exclusive environment to ask me to excuse myself just seems ridiculous, I’m not losing out on chances to go out to appeal to the ego of someone I don’t even talk to. is there something here I’m not understanding?
Need more info, why did you break up/fall out?
Irrelevant to the situation that’s just you being nosey
Not really if op was abusive or a cheater it’s more understandable that her ex doesn’t want to see her.
Still irrelevant, whether the ex wants to see them or not is not the issue. She can absolutely not want to see OP anymore that’s fine. However the ex trying to dictate whether they can go to a public place or not due to not wanting to see them is the issue, does this also mean they can’t shop in the same place anymore , go to the same coffee shops anymore incase they bump into each other?
funny u say this, During our texts after I ran into her, I used the hypothetical of pride events; her city is the largest city for pride events in the entire state and is so large it gets the governor’s attendence every year, I asked if I should stop myself from going just because she lives there, and she said something along the lines of “well, you could go somewhere else”. its worth noting again she did * sort of * back down by making the concession that as long as I put my drinks away and don’t bother her she won’t bother me, which was pretty much my original pitch to begin with, but it’s clear to me the only reason she says that is because she can’t *actually* kick me out from the bar unless I fight with her, and I have no desire to do that. so like, I got my way, but I still kinda feel bad, cuz I can empathize with how stressful getting jumpscare of ur ex is in any context, but for such a prized commodity like a gay bar, I really think there should be exceptions. were it Home Depot, I would just not go there, but there’s not many other options for a gay bar on weekdays (there are weekend options but I specifically like to go on Thursday nights after coffee house meetings I have in town)
our breakup is water under the bridge, honestly, as we reconnected as friends for a while. our friendship fell apart almost a year ago because she found out I had screenshotted texts of hers and showed a friend in confidence because she was having a disagreement over world events with me and freaking out at me over it, I do think there is valid gripes on both sides with that, and I even told her in the chain of texts I replied to her with that if she wants an apology in order to be comfortable around me that’s entirely understandable. also, I do want to emphasize, I didn’t know she worked there, and I don’t even want to bother her by making her personally bartend after me or pick up my tables; we did come to an agreement of sorts when I made it clear that I was not going to give up the privilege of using the bar, that as long as she doesn’t need to pick up my trash or bartend for me or talk to me, that things might be fine, but even with that relative resolution I still feel bad, even though I think I’m well within my rights to use said establishment (re-uploaded response because I can’t say the word starting with pol and ending with tics)
If that’s all she sounds really spiteful! NTA
Depends on why you fell out
Nope, unless you are some type of stalker and you are not telling us. Go where you please, that is until the order of protection comes.
I live in a small country and have worked in gay bars. It was impossible not to see ex’s sometimes considering there isn’t many other queer places for them to go. If you visit with friends and ignore your ex, NTA.
But this is so dependent on what caused the breakup and how you behave while at their work. If the breakup was caused by you being controlling, I can understand why they are upset seeing you there. YTA. If you in any way feel like you are at this bar because your ex is there, YTA.
If you bother your ex in any way, by doing something as small as trying to talk to them when you aren’t wanted YTA.
then i think im in the clear, the only communication I had with her in person was “oh, I didn’t know you worked here”
and while we are exes we were friends for a while after that, our falling out was a friendly one, not a romantic one; the reason she asked me to leave is because she doesn’t like me from when we were friends, not exes; and I think there should be a higher tolerance for ignoring ex friends than ignoring exes, and we’re more the former than the latter in so far as, she is healed from our relationship, but not from our friendship
NTA
She doesn’t own the place, does she? It sounds like you live in a small town, running into people you don’t want to see is inevitable anyway
It’s not a small town, but it is the queer capital of the entire state, and the entire town is essentially a gay tourist trap, it’s a suburb though. but like, I live in a suburb, there’s nothing gay here for 20 miles, this place is like,,, legitimately advertised as one of the gayest town under 100k in America. it’s a very obvious spot for queer people to aggregate, and I think that the fact it’s like the only weekdays gay bar I know of in that very gay town only makes it more appealing; it’s just not something many people can access just off a bus ride, and it just feels like wasted potential to not go to a super queer bar in a super queer town when there’s no experience like that for hundreds of miles outside this metro