Posting in both subs because I’m new-ish to reddit and I’m not sure which one is right for this or what the difference is between the two.
My husband and I live across the country from where he grew up. In fact, he hasn’t been back to visit his family in years (he enlisted in the military right out of high school and decided to live in one of the states where he’d been stationed permanently).
But his mother is ill so he wanted to go visit this year, as well as see some old friends he hasn’t caught up with in a while. I thought it was a great idea because I also have friends who live in that area – and we have some mutual friends there (small world). We decided we’d visit his family, stay overnight, and then meet up with some of our mutual friends the next day.
Well we stayed the night at his family’s, and I woke up to find not only did we oversleep but he’d wet the bed in the night. I’ve been with him for a few years now and that’s never happened before.
He was a bit worried because it was his parents’ guest room, nice sheets and whatnot, so he put some stain remover on them and then put them in the washing machine. It took some extra time out of our plans, plus I misplaced my car keys. It was a whole thing so by the time we got to the meet-up spot with our friends we were late.
One of my friends joked that it’s the first time we’ve seen them in years and we’re still late. My husband said jokingly "well she lost her car keys!" so I said, "But you wet the bed!" I didn’t mean it maliciously at all, and the whole table laughed.
But my husband was embarrassed. He played it off while we were there but on the drive home he said he couldn’t believe I told them that. I said I didn’t want to take all the blame for being late, and that it was n’t a big deal anyway, anyone could have an accident. My husband said I could’ve just made up something, anything but tell them that. He still doesn’t want to talk to me.
AITA here?? This wouldn’t have been a big deal at all to me if it had happened vice versa.
YTA and you know it.
Yeah, YTA. What the fuck?
YTA. I’m not gonna say anything further, because if I say anything I want to, I’d be an asshole too.
Why did you tell your friends? Do you not know how mean that was?? Like what the heck
You’re a major AH
Absolutely YTA. That’s not something you tell other people if you respect your partner.
YTA
YTA WTF.
YTA, I mean damn you really couldn’t of said anything else??
YTA and its obvious. You could’ve said literally anything and went with that??
YTA wow. How embarrassing my heart hurts for your husband honestly. As a rule, it’s generally not okay to bring up intimate things you only learn from having such close proximity to someone from sleeping together without permission or if the behavior is harmful. Add in that it’s an embarrassing moment and one that comes with a lot of shame. Add that this is stressful moment with his mom’s illness. Add in that these are not friends you see often. Yeah he made a dig about the keys and it wasn’t nice, but you went pretty nuclear— you could have responded that you were both scrambled that morning or that he overslept or that he needed to do laundry or anything more innocuous. Yeah I would have trouble forgiving my partner for that to be honest it’s quite a betrayal
YTA. Why are you even posting here? It’s plainly obvious to anyone YTA here.
“This wouldn’t have been a big deal at all to me if it had been vice versa”
This is sooooo bullshit
YTA – in a big way. I’d never, ever shame my partner in that way, it’s such a red flag for healthy boundaries and abusive behaviour.