So, my mom has smoked her entire adult life, she even smoked when she was pregnant with me. Recently she’s been smoking a lot more, she says it’s due to stress, but I truly am worried. She is smoking almost 2 packs per day like it’s bad. I am also a singer and I can’t have too much secondhand smoke around me due to that and the doctor told me I have an allergy. I told her multiple times that I don’t want her smoking around me due to the doctor telling me it’s causing my allergies and she gets insanely pissed. All I tell her is that I am worried about her and that I don’t want to be smoked around because it’s making my nose run and eyes water. She told me that I am passing judgement on her and that I’m saying she’s a bad person because I told her I don’t want to be smoked around. I don’t think I am passing judgement and my friends don’t think so either, but it bothers me that she thinks that I’m passing judgement on her.
NTA
You don’t need to pass judgment on her, because I will: she is a shitty person for continuing to smoke around her child.
She’s chosen her vice over her kid, and that’s what a bad person does.
I don’t know what level of control you have over your environment, but I wouldn’t blame you for leaving the room every time she sparks up. You can’t force her to not smoke, but you can choose to put yourself outside.
NTA, honestly, sometimes you gotta set those boundaries even if it ruffles some feathers; your health and career come first, and if she can’t see that, that’s on her, not you.
INFO
Are you a minor?
Do you live with her?
Whose house is it?
I am 22 and this happened in the car, not in a house
Okay, she’s the worst. She’s polluting a small, enclosed, inescapable airspace.
NTA – smokers shouldn’t smoke near anyone. they’re literally poisoning themselves and those around them.
Info. How old are you? Do you live in her house?
NTA. It has nothing to do with your judgment of her, it’s about what she’s doing *to* you.
That said if you’re an adult and live with her, the solution is move out. If you’re a minor she is 100% TA. If you’re an adult not living with her you’d be justified reducing contact if she refuses not to smoke around you.
Not at all. My mother was a very heavy smoker. She died of COPD. I did not allow her to smoke in my home or car and did not allow my children to go to her apartment. It doesn’t matter if you’re passing judgment or not. You are preserving your health.
NTA. We’ve known about the dangers of secondhand smoke for years and years.
As I’ve noticed others mentioning— if you live in her house, she could at least go outside or to a room that isn’t shared. If you’re a minor, she is putting you in harm’s way.
I have had family members and friends who are smokers, so I know how incredibly difficult this addiction can be. But all of those people in my life know (or knew) how terribly allergic I am to cigarette smoke and how it brings on an asthma attack for me. They always go outside, even in bad weather.
I don’t know which country you’re in, but it might help to get a physician’s help in explaining to your mom how dangerous it is for you.
[https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/health.html](https://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/secondhand-smoke/health.html)
NTA it’s so annoying when smokers demand accommodation we would never give to other addictions. If she were getting super drunk every day, you’d never be expected to be around that.
She’s damaging her and your health, even more than how secondhand smoke hurts everyone, and projecting her feelings onto you.
Nta. Smoking and second hand smoke can kill. It’s that simple. Smokers around other people should go outside to light up.
NTA. It won’t kill her to go without a cigarette.
I would also like to add that I have a seizure disorder and my doctor told me it’s not good to be around it excessively as it causes me to have headaches and migraines and the doctor said the headaches/migraines are low level seizures.