Hii! I (19F) had to go back to my family home for the weekend for my families daily get together. Sadly my other siblings couldn’t join us but my younger (17M) brother did! All was going so well, but in the end, our family didn’t spend time together so we felt there was no point in coming. On a day where my mother and I were alone, she brought up my new relationship with someone I have a great feeling about! She proceeded to ask a bunchhhh of questions about him where it started to get disrespectful. We are black and he is white. When I told her his race after millions of questions from her, she got angry. I then went quiet and started to ignore her. After 5 minutes of silence, she then said “I’m disappointed.” I was so confused as we hadn’t talked in the past 5 minutes, I asked her what she was on about and she confirmed she was commenting on my relationship. This really hurt me and I left the room. I wanted to go back to my apartment so I told my family I’d be leaving the next morning, my mother looked very upset and was asking why. I told her I had a potential modelling shoot and that I had to leave ASAP. She wasn’t happy at all, and tried to make me stay with all her outcomes. In the end, I left and my stepdad drove me back. AITA for doing so?
NTA you have no obligation to give racist family members the courtesy of honesty. Maybe you could’ve been honest with your mom but who knows what kind of argument that would’ve started. I’d at least tell her the truth now.
Yeah, it has been a few weeks and I might bring it up if she asks about my relationship again. I just know she will cause a massive fuss, that’s just how she is. ‘Everything she says goes’… my siblings and I have just started to ignore what she says or does. Well, expect my younger brother, my mother and him always bicker! It’s annoying, more so I feel annoyed for him.
I understand your brother. Someone needs to stand up to your exhausting, dramatic mother and call her out on her bs
Can I suggest maybe you back him up? Frankly I wouldn’t be able to shut up either.
NTA. Maybe this will teach your mother not to try to quash a romance over color.
Maybe😩
NTA. Let your boyfriend meet your family if you’re both ready. Your mum will notice he’s not much different. I’m guessing one of her concerns might be cultural differences?
I’m white and my boyfriend is asian. My mum also makes weird remarks from time to time but they get along so well. In the end your family should be happy for you being in a healthy relationship.
He has met the male members of my family and they liked himmmm! When we’re both ready, I’d prefer for us to meet each other’s families properly. I’ve been hanging out with the people he is surrounded with daily , his brothers included and they all love me. He knows his parents would also. Not sure when I’ll set up a meet up for my mother to meet him but I hope it goes well when it happens. You mentioned cultural differences. My boyfriend has a lot of cultural knowledge that has made me feel a LOT more at peace with us so I’m not too worried about that. Obviously over time, I’d teach him as we go on☺️!
NTA but next time, just can say it to her face:
You upset me and offended and hurt me bad, do I don’t want to be near you a amymore and am leaving.
Or: you pissed me off so I’m leaving. Or not even that, just “I’m leaving. Why? Cause I want to”
You’re an adult, you don’t have to cater tovtheir stupidity and stand your ground.
Knowing my mother… if I said something like that, oh my Lord. No one would hear the end of it! She’d probably go mental as I never do wrong in her eyes😩 she a Nigerian mother, I am not risking a b3ating. And yes I turn 20 in a few weeks, she would not care. 💀
NTA
NTA
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NTA. If someone basically tells you they’re “disappointed” in who you’re dating because of race, yeah that’s gonna make the whole visit feel awful. Leaving quietly instead of starting a huge argument honestly sounds like the calmer move, family drama can spiral so fast and it’s exhausting.