Hello, everyone. I’ll try to keep this explanation as free of personal bias as possible.
My parents have been together for more than 25 years. We are a stable, happy family, together with my younger sister. We all live together. I’m 22M. My parents don’t fight and there is practically no friction or conflict at home, with one exception: me and my mother.
For years, I’ve talked more with my father and shared more interests with him. He’s the one who pays for all my stuff and expenses (my mother pays my sister’s), he helped me start investing, and in general he helps me with whatever I need. We argue very rarely and always go back to normal quickly. He understands me more, talks to me more, is more understanding overall, and even when we argue he doesn’t point his finger in my face to say that I’m wrong, although we sometimes raise our voices. Overall, I simply feel more comfortable with my father.
On the other hand, my mother and I often have friction, as I said. She loves to give moral lessons and complain about basically everything I do, including things that are just her opinions about what is right and that she treats as absolute truth. The number of complaints had decreased after I pointed it out, but it’s ramping up again. We frequently disagree and I simply don’t feel much desire to share my day-to-day life with her. Everything I have to talk about, from women to money and career, I go to my dad first. I’d say our relationship started to wear down from the moment I became too old for her to feel like I would always listen to her.
My constant "fights" with my mom have also started to wear down my relationship with my dad, too. He doesn’t like it, as you would expect. Still, I don’t think I’d mind it if my mom spent a few days without talking to me at all.
Am I the asshole for thinking this way? I’d like to hear you guys thoughts because I feel like I’m being a bad son
Edit: I forgot to mention it in the original text, but during my fights with my mom, I can lose patience easily and be pretty rude. That contributes to me feeling like the asshole, but I know it’s wrong to act that way. It’s just that we fight so often than when another argument starts, my patience bottoms out very fast
Go easy on yourself. NTA. not clicking with one parent the same way you click with the other isn’t betrayal, it’s just personality math.
Exactly, couldn’t have put it better myself!
NTA. Fighting with your parents happens, especially when one of them doesn’t accept that you want to do things differently than them.
NTA. Have you spoken with your father about it? You mention you have a good relationship with him so maybe bringing it up with him would help you. Maybe ask for advice: I know there is some tension between mom and me as I really do not appreciate the XYZ, can you advise how to go about it. Or speak with your mom, set the boundaries, explain that you want your relationship to be better however you’d like her to do less of XYZ.
Ultimately, you are an adult living with your parents still. I believe your relationship with your mother will change and probably will improve when you move out.
When I was even younger than you and moved away for university my aunt when finding out that I’ll live far away from my parents said: Great, you love your parents from afar more and your relationship will be better. At that time it sounded silly however it was true.
You’re NTA for relating to one parent more than the other. That’s natural. Your mom sounds like a strong personality who isn’t easy to get along with.
>He’s the one who pays for all my stuff and expenses (my mother pays my sister’s)
This is a very weird dynamic in my opinion and could have contributed to the problems in the relationship.
NTA – Just because someone is your parent doesn’t mean you will get along or see things the same way. It’s fine that you and your dad are closer. In my family, my sister and mom are very similar. They think the same, like the same things etc. we all know it and it’s fine. Doesn’t mean my mom and I don’t like each other, we just have different taste and view the world differently.
Don’t beat yourself up.