Hello, recently my (20m) gf(19f) was on the train by herself when a \~30ish man approached her and asked if he could practice his English with her. She agreed, he went on a bit of a tirade, discussing which races he believed to be the least and most attractive for the next 20 or so minutes (her ethnic background happened to be no.1 on her list), and followed with asking for her number so they could keep talking.
I asked her why she gave it out and said she didn’t feel threatened, just thought he was interesting and might be able to change his mind. When she told me about this I got pretty angry that she gave him her number as well as potentially let herself be recorded engaging in the conversation (he might have been wearing meta glasses).
She says I am wrong to be angry, that she’s done nothing wrong, and that my anger is making a stressful situation worse (we realized when she told me that she might have been filmed for social media content).
Am I in the wrong for being angry?
\*I’ve made a few edits to give the story better clarity following the first few comments
You should be more angry that a 30 year old man is hitting on your 19 year old girlfriend. Concerned for her safety more so your feelings. There’s nothing a 30 year old and 19 year old have in common other than breathing
This! YTA, OP should be concerned about her safety rather than about his hurt ego. It’s clear that she didn’t want to give her number, but had to. Also, she said it to OP honestly, but he still freaked out. I wouldn’t tell him next time because I wouldn’t want him to be mad at me.
31F. Not going to make a judgement here because I can see both sides. As a younger woman I felt very pressured to just hand my number over at times. If I didn’t in a couple situations men would blow up on me in public and no one would intervene. She might have felt threatened by his behavior and just given her number to get rid of him. But I can see how it’d be upsetting for you as her partner to see your gf handing her number out. Try to explain you’d prefer if she didn’t hand her number out to random guys and youll agree not to do the same. When I’m in relationships I don’t give my number to strangers under any conditions. It just makes trust easier in a relationship. Hopefully you all can resolve this.
What could she do if she was threatened by that guy? Cuddling her bf’s ego while being under pressure and possibly in a dangerous situation?
Strange to read so many NTA’s. For me it’s YTA if you’re mad and you have trust issues. She didn’t give her number “romantically”, she was just being polite and got caught in a weird situation.
YTA. if she was scared or felt threatened then yeah she’s gonna give him her number. i dont know why she would if he was going on a racist tirade, but she did. might be a good opportunity to apologize for getting angry, and going over phone number options to give creeps instead of hers, like yours or google prank numbers. [https://parade.com/living/funny-numbers-to-prank-call](https://parade.com/living/funny-numbers-to-prank-call) is a list of ones she could give if it happens again.
Yes, this is my read on the situation too. OP’s girlfriend likely felt held hostage, and figured that this was the best way to defuse the situation. Especially if the guy seems unwell/untrustworthy.
All OP has done is degrade his girlfriend’s comfort in confiding in him.
that’s what im thinking too. she’s a 19y/o girl; almost every woman has a story of feeling unsafe around a creepy or pushy older man and doing what they can to pacify them and get home safely
YTA. She was in a potentially dangerous situation with a man who was ranting at her, and she did what she thought would diffuse the situation in the easiest way.
Men are a threat to women. Angry, ranting men are a huge threat to women. Women know that pacifying angry men sometimes saves their lives.
YTA – This sounds like the fawn response to a stressful situation. She was put in an uncomfortable situation while alone and with no escape. It would have been better if she hadn’t given her real number but she’s very young.
Why are you not more angry at the racist older man who approached and possibly filmed her while she was alone on a train?
Yta. If she had said no he would have gone off on her. She was keeping herself safe
YTA because you’re angry with her for something she likely did to protect her own safety. A grown man who just went on a racist tirade is intimidating, and I wouldn’t trust him to not get explosively angry if I didn’t give him my number when he asked for it. Especially as a 19 year old dealing with a 30+ year old. We already know that guy isn’t a good guy, right off the hop. And you can say she could have given a fake number, but some men will immediately text the number to test it’s real, and then get explosively angry. Plus she probably panicked in the moment, and the safest route is usually to give the number, and them block him later. Women are frequently hurt or killed for less. Now if she starts texting him, that’s another conversation. But giving out her number to avoid conflict and a potentially dangerous reaction, yea that’s not something to be angry over.
YTA. You clearly have a lot to learn about the reality women have to deal with. Every woman learns at a young age that rejecting some men or embarrassing them can turn an initially “nice guy” into a dangerous man. So many women get verbal abuse, assaulted, raped or even murdered because of rejecting men in situations like this. For women of color it’s even more dangerous.
You should have shown empathy snd supprted her through this and showing her that you are a save men she can trust. Instead you made it about yourself and your own hurt feelings.
NTA for **feeling** upset, but you might drift into YTA territory depending on how you handle it.
It’s pretty normal to feel uncomfortable when your partner gives their phone number to a random guy who was clearly flirting. Most people in relationships would at least raise an eyebrow at that. So your initial reaction isn’t unreasonable.