M27 here.
Two years ago, I randomly texted a girl on Reddit. It was nothing serious small talks. I was interested in learning freelancing from her. That’s it.
Fast forward to last year (August). Around that time, my rishta broke after about 4 months of seeing each other. Almost simultaneously, I asked her for another social media platform because Reddit notifications weren’t working properly. We moved to Snapchat.
At that point, she was in my hometown, finalizing things for her Master’s in Germany. We were just texting. One day, I accidentally called her on Snapchat. She picked up.
Later, I told her directly that I wanted to talk on a call. We did and it was… good.
Slowly, I started opening up. I told her my secrets. My logic was simple: she’s someone I met on Reddit. She doesn’t really know me. I don’t really know her. Nothing is supposed to happen anyway so why not be honest?
Then she started opening up too. She told me about her ex how he moved to Switzerland and cheated on her. Once came back to India and ghoted her. We started talking more. Long calls. Daily calls.
Initially, I never thought she’d be someone I’d fall in love with.
But over time, our calls stretched for hours. She moved to Germany. Somewhere along the way, she changed me. I used to have rigid ideas like I’ll only marry someone who does certain traditional things. She made me more empathetic. I started thinking from another person’s perspective.
We talked nonstop.
She’d call me. I’d call her.
We slept on calls.
I never wanted to cut the call even while going to the office, I just wanted to hear her breathing while she slept.
I’d wake her up for college.
Then Christmas holidays came.
Her ex / current guy planned a full Europe trip. She went with him.
I knew things would change. And they did.
Our conversations went from 9 hours a day to zero. Replies became rare. I started feeling abandoned. I cried for her like I’ve never cried before like someone had died.
And then my grandmother passed away.
I broke completely.
I texted her that I loved her. I had told her before too. Before she never clearly said yes or no. Sometimes she’d even say she’d marry me. This time she told me that you don’t love me. I was okay if she wanted to be with him but I wanted a heart-to-heart connection for life.
Then she removed me from Facebook (I had stalked her).
Then blocked me on Instagram.
Then LinkedIn.
At the start of her trip, I tried calling her on WhatsApp my calls kept disconnecting. Later I realized she had blocked my number on her phone. That hurt. Not because she chose him but because she never told me the truth.
I just wanted her to say:
“I love him. We can’t talk like before.”
Then finally, she blocked me on WhatsApp too.
Now the only places I’m not blocked are Telegram, Reddit, and Snapchat.
I don’t want her back.
I’ve moved on from many people before.
But this one feels different because I changed.
And I never got closure.
I don’t know how to grieve something that was never officially mine.
I feel really low these day. Tried to get back to my routine. I did. I still think of her and cry randomly. I am not able work, sleep or do anything properly.
Somewords are stuck with me which I learnt from her like cutupatutu, oku, thanku, gud etc. I want to hear her voice. I am crying. I have never met her in person. But I don’t know why I am grieving for her.
Sometimes I feel like talking to another girl might help me feel okay again. I just want someone to stay with me for my life.
Someone please help me to get over her.
This is pretty extreme… There is no quick fix. You can grieve and gradually move on, but you need to speak to a psychologist, on an ongoing basis… not just once or twice.
It’s not something you can get over from one day to the next, so please be patient with yourself. We’ve all been heartbroken before.
You can and will get through this… as time goes on, and you will find happiness with another person.
:edit: The reason you felt like someone died when she blocked you is that for ppl with an insecure attachment style… being abandoned can be a huge fear… and they can react in a very primal way.
But no one died…. It’s just your nervous system panicking like you are in danger. In reality you’re not.
You need real, practical psychological help … you need emotional regulation skills. This is why – a psychologist is important.
Yes, my grandmother died on the same night while I was crying for her.
I meant neither you nor her died. You said you reacted to her leaving you as if she died.
I’m sorry about your grandmother and that you’re going through all of this at the same time.
Yes, I should forget her. And focus on myself now.
That’s not psychologically possible.
You were close. It lasted two years. You talked for a very long time.
Nobody forgets anybody in these situations. We are human beings. We have feelings.
This isn’t how we work.
So it’s not about suddenly putting this behind you, “quickly” – and forgetting her. It’s about closing this chapter in a way that is kind to yourself… and yes, 100% focus on yourself – and on your friends or family who are there for you.
You don’t need closure. Her behavior is all the closure you’re going to get. You say all you want is for her to say “I love him, we can’t talk like before” reading this from the outside looking in, that’s exactly what she is communicating to you. Use your imagination and pretend she said it if you have to, but words are not the only way to convey that same message.
She was keeping you in her back pocket and using you for attention and stimulation and when she didn’t need you any more she dropped you cold. Be glad that she’s gone. Try to go back and see what things she said or did that could have warned you sooner and avoid getting sucked into a similar situation next time, which is just a waste of time and energy. The side of her you fell in love with is a reflection of yourself and no one can ever take that away from you. Think about what you loved most about her and create more of that energy in the world without her. Realize she is not the things you love, just a mirror and a vampire.