So for some context me and my partner (both 22 NB) are friends with another couple (23 and 24, also NB).
2 months ago we went to stay at their place for two weeks and I would load the dishwasher every evening and sometimes in the morning to help around the house. A few times, I woke up later than them (the other couple) and they had already loaded the dishwasher. The thing is, I noticed they were loading it very… wrong. A lot of things were overlapping, some utensils were literally on top of each other and there were also plates completely overlapping. I paused the dishwasher and fixed it but I didn’t say anything to them because it is their house and their rules.
Now, they have come to stay at our place and they mentioned they will do all the dishes to "repay" me but I told them to please not touch my dishes. I will make sure they always have clean dishes so they don’t ever need to use the dishwasher. Two nights ago tho, after we went to sleep, they loaded the dishwasher anyway.
I woke up and they were all like "surprise, we wanted to help" and expected me to be grateful. I looked at the dishwasher and literally two plates were completely overlapping as well as a lot of forks and there was also the handle of a strainer blocking the spinning things at the bottom (don’t know what they are called). I told them I don’t want them to help and when they left the kitchen I fixed the dishes and turned on the dishwasher again.
Last night, they did it again. I’m not sure if I should keep telling them to stop or just shut up and try to fix it when they aren’t looking. My partner says I should just pretend to be grateful. So WIBTA if I told them again to stop?
NAH.
If you have an issue with how they load up the dish washer and you don’t know how to tell them to stop without creating conflict, do it before them.
I’d let them at it and say thanks. And then put it on later (after they’ve gone) if you feel the need.
Some things really aren’t worth fighting over
I don’t think either of you are the ahole. I understand how it being done wrong is annoying, but they also probably just don’t know that they are doing it the wrong way and think they are doing something nice. A simple solution would probably just be to say something like “hey just so you know I do my dishes a certain way so i’d rather do them or I can show you” or something like that lol
NTA
Be a good friend and talk to them. Be honest. Hey, I don’t mind you doing the dishes, but I load my dishes this way, so they don’t overlap and don’t block anything. Show them what it looks like after you’ve loaded it. Explain that when things are touching, they aren’t getting cleaned, and when things block the spray arm/agitator, the water can’t reach all the items properly. If their good friends, they’ll be grateful for the lesson.
Shut up and pretend to be grateful.
NAH
I would either shut up about it or make a joke how I’m super neurotic about my dishwasher so please leave my baby alone or something.
You are going to seem like an asshole to them even if you think your points are valid.
YTA
I don’t know why you don’t just tell them to make sure the dishes are aligned. Considering they do the same at their house they probably just don’t know. Speak to them about it instead of continuing to get silently annoyed.
YWBTA. My husband has kind of a thing with the dishwasher. I can’t stand it. So most of the times, I let him do it all. I got so tired of earing that two forks were not aligned the same way, that I gave up. Just let him be. Regarding your “problem”, is it really a problem? Like, they will leave soon, does it really pay off the bad vibe you are giving them?
Maybe don’t just tell them to stop, explain what it is you don’t like. If they’re your friends, just talk and explain, maybe they were never taught about loading a dishwasher. They just wanna help, if you just tell them to stop, you’ll sound like an a-hole and you run the risk of never having them over again.
NTA – but how long will they be staying with you? If it is less than 2 weeks or so, I’d just let it go. you can always wash them again, like you have been doing.
People get hurt feelings so easily. You’ve already expressed yourself, and they have ignored it. If it’s just for a little while longer, it’s not worth the hassle of a big deal, IMHO.
Don’t sweat the small shitz! Do not make an issue of how a dishwasher Should be loaded. NAH
It was an AH move to stop their dishwasher and rearrange it. I doubt that you would be happy if someone did that in your house.
Just say thank you for them being helpful during their visit. Friendship is more important than having to rewash some dishes after your guests leave.
If you make a big deal of this while they are there you are going to end up in AH territory.
NAH. This feels like a Midwesterner situation. Maybe I’m totally off base but to me that’s probably why they are still trying to help. As a midwesterner, the way I was raised is even if someone says they don’t need help” it’s polite to try and do something to help them anyways. Sometimes even expected. (I know it’s bizarre I’m just explaining my read on the situation).
Anyways they probably don’t understand how you like yours loaded so I would just tell them. If you want, you can make something up about how your “dishwasher is a bit dumb and doesn’t work unless you do it this way” I will sometimes say that if ppl are not quite grasping the why.
NAH; there’s a lack of communication. Since they seem determined to help them, either always put the dishwasher on yourself before you go to bed, or do it with them once or twice, explaining that your dishwasher needs to have everything arranged in a particular way (which you demonstrate) in order to get the dishes clean.