I just want to see if AITA for asking my friend to fix her life. Here’s a little context:
I (24F) was headed out for my last spring break when my friend (32F) went through a rough time and asked if she could come with me. I told her sure come on up, we haven’t hung out in a while. She also mentioned she wanted to visit a friend where I was going. When she showed up she did not want to take my car, and insisted we took her car.
I thought that this idea was going to be okay, she had a nicer car, and we’ve never had an issue switching cars or who has driven before. We hit the road and the whole time we only listen to her music at full blast, and she won’t let me drive, she’s swerving in the road because she’s tired, and worst of all over all the noise she complained about her life the entire time. Normally I think I could have handled it better but it was a 14 hour drive.
We finally reach our destination and she tells me her friend if coming to pick her up and she’s going to spend a week or two with her friend who lives near me. Which is great, she told me she was leaving me the car so I could still go around and have fun. That lasted but all of two days.
On day two I am trying to hang out with my significant other and have a good time but the whole day she texted me how bad of a time she was having and I offered for her to come home with me. But no she just wanted the car because having a car is apparently part of her personality and she feels more comfortable. I did accidentally get upset and yell at her to fix her life when she talked about putting me in an uber for three hours from where she was back to my place.
It’s been a few days now and she keeps telling me she’s coming back home to where I am but then flakes and tells me it’s too late in the day. I’m stuck at home with no car now, and I think I’m really upset and we have to drive back together. Would I be the asshole if I told her she ruined my spring break and that she needs to fix what she has going on and be a better friend? Or is she the asshole for leaving me stranded?
ESH EDIT as I misread the car situation.
You both sound bad here. It’s her car so of course she is allowed to have it. She might have insisted but you had the ability to say no. I would figure out a new way to get home though as she sounds AWFUL.
NTA. She hijacked your trip, treated your car access like a backup plan, dumped her chaos on you for 14 hours, and then left you stranded telling her to fix her life was harsh, but honestly, when someone keeps making their mess your problem, they lose the right to be shocked when you snap
NTA
NTA. She sounds disorganized both in thought and action, not in tune with whomever she’s with, and a self-centered person. She’s TA.
You have to drive back fourteen hours with her. ls it worth it? I’d choose to take a bus or train or plane so I’d have peace and quiet.
And I’d tell her why: you had your music on full blast for fourteen hours, you complained about your life for fourteen hours, you swerved because you were too tired to drive, and then, you left me stranded without a car after telling me I could use it, and then you kept changing when you are coming back.
Really, anything would be better than driving with her, despite the price. If you don’t have the money, borrow from your boyfriend and pay him back weekly until you are paid in full.
This friend sounds exhausting.
NTA- but for future reference, friend needs to fix herself for everything mentioned, but you as well for allowing her to join last minute without any solid plans for the time you’re on the trip. Especially since you both brought her car, and she felt it was okay to leave you stuck during *your* trip. I’d be livid in your situation, and would absolutely communicate how she affected your trip.
She’s TA, but better planning could’ve saved this trip.
(edit:was going to say it may save the friendship, but I hope not)
It’s not going to ruin our friendship. It did open my eyes to some things though. I thought we were better friends.
NTA. She didn’t just vent she hijacked your trip, stranded you without a car, and kept making her chaos your problem fix your life was blunt, but after a 14 hour trauma dump and getting left stuck on spring break, I can see why you snapped the real issue is she’s a terrible friend
NTA, find your way home and if it’s with her grin and bear it. Don’t say anything negative to her if she is your only way home. But I hope you can find an alternate ride.
Once you’re home, and have your own car, just slow fade and distance yourself. If she asks, tell her a kind truth only if you wish to never have a friendship again. Otherwise just be busy and never hang out with her again.
Now you know the red flags of friendships: when you plan a solo trip, and a non-friend essentially invites themselves (bonus red flag: it’s a sure you can come not a hell yeah we’d have so much fun), it’s someone you don’t hang out with very often (probably shouldn’t go on a trip with them), if they invited themselves and they start taking over, and INSIST on taking their car, the list goes on and everyone has different boundaries. It happens to most of us at least once in our lives. I think you’ll grow from this experience if anything and your friend will never know that she’s the red flag.
NTA
She isn’t your friend if she leaves you stranded 14 hours from home
My eyes almost fell out of my head seeing that this was a 14 hour drive that you allowed yourself to be shafted on. You need to rent a car and drive back home now. That would be the end of the relationship for me. You’re being held hostage and she might not even show up to drive you home. Don’t ever let anyone put you in this position ever again.
Your friend is rude, and puts people’s lives at risk. She needs to be more aware and considerate of others, especially on the roadways. Too many people die each year in car crashes.
I agree, I offered to take over many times.