got my license three weeks ago, and since then my mom has said I’m responsible for driving my sister (15F) and me (16F) to and from school. We leave at 7:45am while my mom leaves for work at 8:30am.
Last week I put $30 in the car and it got us a little over half a tank. I only worked twice that week, but on one of those days my mom told me my unemployed older brother (18M) would be taking the car and dropping me off. When he picked me up after my shift I didn’t check the gas, but the next morning before school I saw it was down to about a quarter tank. I complained to my mom and she admitted he burns gas really fast, so she reimbursed me $15. By Monday morning we barely had enough gas to reach a gas station, even though my brother had told me the night before there was “plenty.” I usually don’t drive on weekends, so it definitely wasn’t me. I filled it again with another $30 and texted my mom saying we had filled up and that my brother needed to stop driving around unnecessarily. When I got to school (late because we had to stop for gas), she texted me saying “you don’t have to use the car, I can just drive you if gas is too expensive.” I replied that gas prices weren’t the issue, it’s the principle that I’m the only one paying even though my brother uses the car way more. I only drive to school and work. She responded that I couldn’t use the car for work that day because my brother needed it to take my younger sister to an appointment, but not to worry about gas because she told him he wasn’t allowed to drive anywhere else. I told her that was fine but honestly it was laughable to think he wouldn’t drive around. She called me and started yelling that she couldn’t deal with this conversation right now and that if I was so mad I could just take the car and she’d Uber my sister. But the issue isn’t me using the car, it’s the wasted gas. My brother ended up dropping me off at work, and when he picked me up the gas light was already yellow with about 30 km left. The next morning I drove to school and back and purposely didn’t fill it up since there was still enough to reach a gas station. Later my brother went to drive somewhere and came inside asking why the car had no gas. My mom called me down and yelled at me for leaving it on red. I showed her photos with timestamps of the gas when I got home from school and when he picked me up from work, but she still insisted I should have filled it. I was never paid back for the gas that got used. My brother doesn’t have a job and any money he gets from my mom goes to Zyns. I’m now refusing to pay for gas because he keeps wasting it and my mom doesn’t hold him accountable. Now my mom insists I should pay since she has to drive us to school and take me to work. My sister is annoyed because we have to bus home now, and mornings with my mom are miserable. She says I should just put some of my paycheck toward gas, but I feel like if I fill it again it’ll just get wasted.
Should I just pay for the gas?
NTA. But you’ve already found the solution. Just take the bus until your mother comes to her senses and do not use the car under any circumstances unless it’s an absolute emergency.
Your mother will continue to enable your brother. Do not pay for gas for him. Put $5 in at a time. He will either keep begging mom and her cave, or he will get a job.
NTA stick to your guns. Your mum needs to stop enabling your brother.
NTA, and you’re handling this very well. Let your mom drive you or lay for the bus, only use the car for an emergency and fill up $5 at a time. In the mean time, save up for your own.
Your older brother is being treated differently than the rest of you, and that’s in your mom. She is enabling his bad behavior and definitely not trying to mold him into a responsible adult. And THAT is the reason why the rest of you cannot have nice things like a car for all of you.
NTA, but always check the gas level everytime you drive. If it’s too low, don’t drive it. Maybe even go on strike and stop putting gas in it until your brother gets a clue. Fill up just enough for you to get from point A to point B. Just don’t do this for a long period of time as it could damage your fuel pump
NTA- I’d continue only paying for the gas you use, and keeping photos with timestamps. As you’ve only had your license less than a month, set a boundary now to avoid anyone taking advantage. If that means the bus, so be it. It will save your future self the headache!
If you go ahead and use the car, I would keep track of mileage. If he isn’t in school and doesn’t work, where is he going anyway. Your mom needs to force him into a job.
I applaud you for your determination to not be used and for your efforts to document your brother’s irresponsibility. Definitely NTA. Unfortunately, your mother seems to have a blind spot when it concerns your brother, which means you are fighting an uphill battle. But I definitely support you leaving your brother with as little gas as possible. Just to prove a point, I would consider figuring out the gas mileage for your car and only putting in enough gas to cover your individual trips.
All I saw was the multiple mentions of nearly empty gas tank, one of which was intentional. The dad with kids who drive in me could take no more. No matter what reason you may have to do it, don’t do that. You’ll be replacing a fuel filter a in d possibly t the pump as well much sooner than you otherwise would if you do. It’s better to keep your tank full rather than only filling it half way. That way you always have gas of something comes up that leaves you without the ability to acquire it but an immediate need to leave in the car.
Even with your brother not pitching in, try to keep it full for the sake of the car and any unforseen emergency that leaves you with a problem otherwise. Overheating and forcing debris and sediment into your fuel pump is a terrible idea. It can also kill your catalytic converter eventually. That one costs more than a used car is worth to replace a lot of the time. It’s very expensive. Especially if it’s a newer car which likely has a close-coupled converter.
Now, should he be finding other ways around or buying gas? Absolutely. And pitching in on other consumables like tires, filters, oil, plugs, brakes, etc. But that doesn’t mean you destroy your own ability to drive your car to deal with that. Removing his access is what I would do. If mom has a problem with that, have her look up the damage running cars that low on fuel does and the cost of those repairs. Buying gas is way cheaper even if it’s for the whole family to drive everywhere.
NTA, but your car may disagree.
Don’t pay, use the bus, your mom’s favorite child can put gas in the car. Make sure you keep tour money with a trusted adult who isn’t your mom.
NTA
NTA for not wanting to be the only one of your siblings buying gas for a shared car.
Make it a policy that the car should always be FULL when returned. If he gets the car with a full tank, he returns it full. No guessing who used how much, since most gas gauges are not accurate enough for that to be useful. Alternatively, keep a notebook in the car where each driver notes their “trip” and the ending mileage.
I really thought I was going to think differently based on the title. “Of course you should put gas in the car! That was the rule!”
However, you aren’t using all of the gas. It isn’t fair to have you pay for all of the gas.