I brought my eldest son his first phone (this was so long ago, I don’t even remember which one (nor do I care)), and I told him to set the passcode to the same one as mine for easy access for the whole family. This worked out fine for the first few months, as he always gave it to me when I asked for it and his little brother could use it. One day though, his passcode screen had been replaced with a pattern lock. I had no clue, but this was when my younger son took the phone and opened it for me. I decided to keep silent until I asked him to give me his phone. He gave me it locked, but I simply unlocked it. He looked at me in complete shock.
The next day I tried again, but the pattern had changed once more. But my youngest son came to the rescue and gave me the pattern.
This started a conflict between my two sons about my youngest giving me the pattern, and the pattern changed again, but my youngest did not know. And this was when he got a little bit insane, because my oldest son would change the pattern every time he THOUGHT me or his brother saw (half of the time, no one even saw).
It was a matter of time before he changed it too many times and he forgot it. He tried fixing it on his PC, but I know it didn’t work because his phone was still locked out. He was very addicted to his phone, spending all day on it, so he asked me to buy a program to restore it.
I did not buy himthat program nor did I buy him a new phone for one year for being reckless about this, and when I finally did, I told him to keep the passcode AS IS and not change it. The phone was his but for the whole family to use.
Was I the AH for this?
YTA. What’s the point in giving your son ‘his own phone’ if everyone in the family is expected to have access to it?
YTA for not just addressing the behavior the first time. If he wasn’t supposed to have a lock, the day you find a lock is the day you say “hey son, its your phone primaryily but really its family use. Sorry but you can’t have a lock on it.”
Not these games.
INFO
>easy access for the whole family
Why?
A phone is quite a private device.
YTA, because the constantly changing the pattern was your fault. Either your son is old enough that he deserved the privacy you kept trying to deny him and he was entirely justified in trying to get it, or if he’s young enough that you actually should be monitoring his phone you should have stopped this game of him trying to lock you out long before getting to this point.
INFO: How old are your sons?
Also, stop calling it his phone if it’s a family phone. Be more clear about expectations and stop playing games. You’re the adult.
ESH why would you not just parent and say – having the phone is conditional on you being transparent as to the contents. That means I should always have the current passcode. If this happens again, you lose the phone until you can commit to following the rules. Why this bizarre game of guessing and locking the phone?
This is so weird. The phone is his, but it’s for the whole family? Is he really young or something? Why is everyone using “his” phone?
YTA. Massively so. Stop calling it his phone if it’s a family device.
YTA, either it’s his phone or it’s not. He should have a passcode and the whole family doesn’t need to use it.
Your posts are either fake or you’re a massive AH. Remember when you destroyed your son’s shirt? Is this the same son? Or are you just cruel to both of them? Or destroyed both of their phones for not cleaning sufficiently?
Get off Reddit and go to therapy
YTA for communicating so poorly with your son. Is it his phone or not? Did you communicate privacy expectations, or are you just playing these weird password games because you want to be nosy?
Set clear rules and enforce them. It’s that simple.
Ummmm, do you have an issue actually parenting?
A. Don’t call it his phone if it’s not his phone. You’re messing with clarity here.
B. The first time he changed it you should have told him to take the pattern off and he isn’t to do it again or he loses the phone, and that would be that. Instead you caused a whole melodrama while pitting your children against each other because…what? You wanted to be passive aggressive? To take petty revenge on your child? This isn’t parenting. Do better. YTA
YTA. Instead of confronting it head on the first time the pattern was put in place, you let it go on and become such a big deal that it created a conflict between your two sons.
You’re the parent here, come on now.
YTA. You buried the lede that this is a 10 year old, with a 5 year old brother. A kid that age shouldn’t have their own locked phone, so why keep up that pretense? One family passcode that is corrected when you realize it’s changed, not playing games.
You need(ed) to supervise internet usage at that age and have multiple conversations with your kids about safety and when it supersedes privacy for minors.