Hey Reddit, this is a throwaway account. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over a year and a half. We enjoy being around each other and are very happy together.
My girlfriend’s birthday was about a month and a half ago. I was not able to see her for her birthday because I was out of town due to a funeral for a close family member. However, we had arranged plans to celebrate together 2 days afterwards. My girlfriend assured me that she had no problem with this and she understood completely.
I had arrangements that I would pick her up from her house at 2 pm and we would spend the rest of the day together. However I was 45 minutes late.
Context: my girlfriend’s love language is quality time and knowing this, instead of buying her a gift, I created a treasure hunt for her. It was a treasure hunt that would take the rest of the day and took place in various of her favorite places in our city. Before I picked her up, I was up early that morning going to the destinations for our treasure hunt and hiding clues there with permission from those establishments. I hid clues at her favorite restaurant, where we had our first date, her favorite park, an escape room (she loves puzzles), and finally a romantic drive in movie theater in my backyard. This took me all morning, but there was an event going on in my city that made traffic a nightmare. So I texted her that I would be 45 minutes late and she said it was ok. I picked her up late as I said I would and we did our treasure hunt. She assured me it was one of the best birthday presents she’d ever received. Fast forward a week later, my girlfriend told me that she wasn’t very happy that I was late to picking her up since I already had delayed our celebration a few days already. I told her that wasn’t my intention and that I was just trying to make her birthday unforgettable. She said she loved it and appreciated all of my effort but it still bothered her. Fast forward a few more weeks and it’s more of an inside joke than anything at this point but she still makes little comments here and there. AITA?
mild YTA. As someone who treats disregarding my time as a personal affront, I totally understand where she is coming from. I get that many people aren’t as schedule oriented, but it sounds like she is and I get that. Now you know, apologize and in the future prioritize timeliness because obviously she does.
The guy had to go to each point in the scavenger hunt to coordinate on the day of the event. The traffic was an unforeseen event that he had zero control over.
NTA, but have a conversation with her about why you were late. she’s viewing it as neglect when it was the opposite. you can get over this, just be honest!
Yeah, you’re right. As I said it’s not a big issue anymore, but I will definitely do that.
NAH – This is probably the mildest interpersonal conflict ever posted to this sub. You need a microscope to see the conflict.
INFO: Are you late to lots of stuff? Not necessarily 45 minutes. Just if something is at 8, are you more likely to be there at 7:55 or 8:05?
Because she could have really meant it was cool on that day *and then* you’re late a few more times and suddenly it’s a habit that bothers her instead of a thing that happened one time.
I’m usually not late to things. I try to be on time as much as possible, but that didn’t work out that day.
NTA, I don’t see the issue, it was delayed a few days due to a funeral you hat to attend and you were late that day due to bad traffic and you did phone to inform her you would be late. I would see the issue if you knew you were gonna be late and not call her. Otherwise, this is a bit silly tbh.
NTA, your GF probably has no idea how much time and effort went into setting up her birthday. How much you had to coordinate on the day of to make sure everything was ready to make her feel special. Explain it to her, in detail, and if she is still upset, it might be time to rethink the relationship.
NTA, assuming being late is not a habitual occurrence for you. City traffic can be wildly unpredictable sometimes. If it was a one-off thing and you apologized, I think she should give you a little grace. Also her little jab about how “you already delayed my celebration once” was inappropriate. You were *attending a funeral*, not taking a weekend cruise.
NTA. It may be nothing. Hopefully it’s nothing. But she should definitely drop it now. Like, yesterday.
Ask her directly- what is with the little comments? Are you feeling a way about me being late? Why did it bother you as much as it did? Not accusing, just listening.
Maybe it’s something else, maybe its a trigger for her, maybe she doesn’t realize it’s hurtful to you after all the effort you want to (tho, c’mon, she should know…)
If it’s nothing, great. But if she’s hinting she’s the type of person to receive an awesome gift and go on to criticize the pattern on the wrapping paper for weeks…um…that’s not good. Just watch.
No good deed goes unpunished, huh? I guess you won’t be doing anything nice for her ever again.
Total NTA. If my husband made a whole ass scavenger hunt like that for me, I would never complain about the 45 minutes! Your girlfriend needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA.
I think the percentage of men being this creative and thoughtful and loving when making a gift is extremely low.
You were late, because of something you can neither plan nor call.
I assume you got up as early as possible to set up the hunt.
For her to even mention that she was bothered by you being late either means she receives these kind of gifts very often and does not value them accordingly.
Or she is genuinely unaware of how much effort goes into something like this.
So just explain to her that it took you both hours to set it up and that coming late wasn‘t caused by a lack of trying.