So, I share a college dorm with a roommate. Normally, her and I mind our own business and just do our thing. I’m quiet and stay to myself so I don’t talk to her often unless it’s regarding the room.
Recently, I’ve grown increasingly frustrated as she seems to lack consideration for my comfort. Last weekend, she asked me if she her partner could come over as they needed to finish midterms. I assumed that by partner, she meant like class partner since she also mentioned them finishing midterms. I thought they would be in the room for a few hours studying. However, when he came over, they were constantly cuddling and kissing so I knew she meant boyfriend by partner.
I like to relax, I like my space to me comfortable and for me to just feel at ease after a day but unfortunately, they both weren’t quiet. They’d keep talking and hours went by then nighttime came by and he was still here. By then, I realized he was sleeping over. Okay, whatever. They stayed up till past 3 am talking, laughing, and making noise as I was trying to sleep. The next day, same thing. They spent very long in the bathroom showering and whatever else as i laid in bed needing to use the bathroom really badly. I let it pass, whatever. Then the went and hours passed and they came back to the room, surprise, he’s sleeping another night. I was extremely tired and had class the next day. So I begin trying to sleep. They begin making lots of noise, going in and out of the room, then coming back in and talking very late and making out and whatever.
She had zero consideration for my comfort, not even bothering to mention it’s a guy and he’d be sleeping over. I truly wouldn’t have minded had she asked and had they been more considerate of my space and comfort. He left yesterday and today he came back to hangout for close to an hour. She didn’t ask me, I came home from a doctor appointment with doctor’s orders to rest and as I tried to sleep, I heard them both coming in giggling and laughing. They kept talking very loudly, some things that should be kept between them as well?? I felt very uncomfortable in that moment as it’s my room as well. It’s not fair to me to hear them constantly kissing and saying nasty shit and talking very loudly with no consideration for me.
I signed up to share a room with one person, not three. I’ve always been considerate of her comfort. My girlfriend has only came over once and when she did, we both were as considerate as we could be. We made sure that we weren’t talking too loudly or causing her any discomfort.
I’ve now had enough. I wanna talk to her about imposing a rule on guests. We each get one guest per week, whether they’re sleeping over or just hanging out. One guest per week to ensure each other’s comfort. I pay for this room just as she does so I deserve to feel just as comfortable. So, WIBTA if I talk to her about imposing this rule or am I overreacting?
You can try but get ready for her to negotiate. Once a week isn’t a lot, and it’s pretty normal for couples to want to spend time together.
NTA but unrealistic. Might need to adjust your expectations and work on communicating better with your roommate
NTA but it’ll go better if you don’t open by saying “I want to have this rule.” Start by sharing your concerns and say “can we come up with a solution to this together?”
NTA, you deserve to be comfortable too. I think it is a good rule, if she needs to see him more often she should go visit him and sleep at his place.
Your dorm probably has rules regarding overnight guests staying multiple nights; bring it up to your RA and ask how they can help you. It shouldn’t just be on you to police it.
You could also be petty and start walking in, turning on lights, talking loudly on phone. NTA but need to address for your own well being.
NTA.
you’re not overreacting, your comfort and sleep mater just as much as hers
you’re not trying to control her life, just making sure the room works for both of u
You are right to be unhappy, but don’t try to impose a rule. Try to have a reasoned discussion and come up with a joint solution. A compromise is more likely to work out.
Dorm has rules about this. Talk to RA.
YTA. You don’t get to unilaterally set a rule as you mention in your title. You do mention talking with her about it, but I suspect you think that means that you get to win.
Welcome to adult communal living. It sucks.
INFO: Have you talked about this or just held it in and been pissed off? Because if a roommate in a dorm tried “imposing” a rule on me that can’t be enforced, isn’t a part of my housing agreement, etc. over an issue that has never even been brought up, it wouldn’t go the way you want.
I’m not trying to impose the rule at all but rather suggest it as in our dorm polices, we must ask each other before inviting anyone into the room to protect privacy among other things.
NTA
I would guess that your dorm probably has policies on overnight guests or guests after a certain hour. I would look up what those are and speak to the RA. You pay for the room just like she does. It’s extremely uncomfortable to have someone getting it on with their BF right there in the same bed and I’m guessing the dorm probably has a no overnight guests rule. She can go over to his apartment if they want to spend time together, or perhaps they are ready to get their own place together.
I sure she will agree to one guest per week. I would reword that if I were you.
Talk to RA. Maybe see if you can switch roommates.