I live in the UK on a Talent visa. I originally came here as a student and later returned for work. My wife was also actually educated here and then went back to our country. We do have to act more religious in our country despite not really believing in these things but apart from that life was ok there.
When I moved here more permanently, my son came with me because he was already school aged and it seemed like a good opportunity for him. My wife stayed in our home country at the time because she was pregnant with our daughter.
We agreed that for the time being she and our daughter would stay there. My parents are getting older and they live in a large family home, so it made sense for them to stay together. My wife helps with the household and keeping an eye on my parents, and they support them as well. Financially we are comfortable and they live quite well there.
The idea was that maybe later she and our daughter could join us in the UK, but we never made firm plans for that yet. My flat here is small and expensive and right now it is just me and my son living here.
A few weeks ago my wife took our daughter on holiday to Seychelles. About a week ago travel issues started affecting flights to my country and they have not been able to return. For the moment they are basically stuck there. Because of this my wife asked if I could sponsor her and our daughter to come to the UK as my dependants so they can stay with us until the travel situation back to my country improves.
I refused.
My flat is already quite small with just me and my son, and it would be very cramped for four people. Also the arrangement we had agreed on was that she would stay back home with my parents since they increasingly rely on her being there.
I suggested that since they are financially comfortable and currently somewhere like Seychelles, she could stay there for a while or travel somewhere else until the travel situation back to my country is sorted out.
She became very upset and said I am abandoning them when they need help. Some of her friends have also said that since I already live in the UK, the obvious solution is to bring them here.
From my perspective we had a clear arrangement about where everyone lives and what responsibilities we have. She chose to travel and the situation that happened is not something I caused. Besides sponsorship could take some time.
But the reaction I’m getting is making me question myself.
It “just made sense” for you to abandon your daughter indefinitely? YTA
YTA what is the point of being married? Your wife should not be the unpaid provider of care for YOUR parents!
YTA
Just…what are you even thinking? Seriously.
What does marriage even mean to you?
Uh, yeah, YTA. This is your wife. Not your daughter’s nanny and not your parents’ nurse.
Jesus fucking christ.
YTA. I cannot believe you need to even ask, really. This is your *daughter* we are talking about, currently stranded in a random third country, unable to progress with schooling or her life. Even if you’ve somehow lost all affection for and sense of duty toward your wife, surely you retain it where your daughter is concerned?!
YTA in so many ways
Info: what country are you trying to send them back to? One that is currently being bombed??
Do you even like your wife? How are you even a father to your daughter if you don’t live in the same country??
Yta
YTA
Sounds like you cut back on the religion, but doubled down on the misogyny.
You are an asshole.
First of all be an adult and explain to the group where Seychelles is, how big it is, and what these “travel issues” really are. I can think of about ten very scary reasons involving that part of the world that might make someone want to go be with their spouse and father to their children regardless of how impractical it is.
So again just to really make sure you hear this: YTA
YTA
I can’t even count the ways you’re a massive gaping AH here.
You’re enjoying the single life while your wife looks after your parents and their home. Why even be married?
YTA… you’ve already admitted that ‘the situation’ involves bombings and violence. You should be doing everything you can to get your wife and daughter out of there permanently.
YTA.
Why are you even married? You don’t seem to want to spend any time with your wife. Did you just marry her so you could pass along your genes and get free care for your parents? Is this all about you? Does she not get a choice in her life? You don’t even have plans in place to be together? If you’re doing well financially, there’s no reason for you to be living separately.
…Unless you only value her as a maid and baby-maker, in which case I hope she divorces you and finds someone who will love her and actually build a life with her.
YTA. If you actually liked your wife and daughter you would make a small home work. You are enjoying not having to be responsible for one of your children and your parents. I am assuming that she may also want to join you in the UK due to ongoing conflicts in your home country, that she would feel safer. But that would mean you would have to give up the free caretaker for YOUR parents.
YTA. What is the real reason? Your lovely controllable lifestyle just with your son? Well things happen and change in life buddy A get with the program. Be a Man and step up for your wife and daughter. Your parents are wealthy in their country so hire home-help, carers not just cleaners