My mom and dad got a divorce after yearssss (since I was a baby) of abuse. I was born with a heart murmur because my mom says she was thrown down the stairs and constantly crying during her pregnancy with me due to him. Whe we were all around our pre teens we knew my dad needed to go bc of all the times the cops came. As of 5-6 years ago we finally found a place we could all get away from him and my mom ended up telling him so he slowly moved in.. he could be nice at times but rarely. Always complaining about a single spoon on the dishes. Garbage full. Or just that the bathroom is a TINY bit messy. Us girls in the house (3) have to wash the dishes, vacuum, laundry, clean toilets, cook, sweep, mop, cons fridge, do groceries, and put all the dishes away etc. all he has to do is 2 little things. My oldest two sisters left and never looked back because of him. I’m the oldest now of two of my younger siblings living here now and they are slowly staying miles away from here. I’m not sure if I have depression but I’ve been looking for a new job for the past 7 months and got at least 3 interviews from it and no transportation so I’ve been stuck here. My constant thought is what if I don’t wake up? What if I just don’t come back home? What if I just disappear? No one would care? we all have to fight for our own safety at this point. I have two cats.. I just wish it was so simple to move on our own and just have a good way to start fresh.. I don’t remember the last time I was happy. I constantly tell my mom the things he does or says and she just brushes it off or says “I didn’t hear him” so it must’ve not happened… she was always working when we were little and left us with him so now as a adult I’m at that point where if I’m just a bit selfish am I really the asshole? I just can’t breathe. I can’t eat properly. I hate looking in the mirror. I don’t talk to anyone at all to keep them from knowing how sad I am all the time. The only thing keeping me going is my cats. The only thing..
NTA if you move out and donʻt tell your family where youʻre going. Iʻd recommend leaving them a brief note that youʻre leaving – on the way out the door – but provide no details.
Move to another city if you can manage it – since you wonʻt have a lot of stuff to take with you and donʻt yet have a job or place to live, itʻs almost as easy to get that in a new place, and if you pick a city with good public transportation that solves one problem immediately.
Look up resources for escaping abusive families/partners – even if youʻre not using that label, itʻs the same info you need. Use an incognito browser for anything related to leaving!
Do not tell your family anything of where youʻre going – donʻt even say youʻre going to a new location. In fact, if you want to directly lie and tell them youʻre staying nearby, or moving to a different state/province than you actually are, thatʻs not an awful idea. (If you get back in touch in some future year, you can always pretend you changed your mind.)
Your NTA, your drowning in Trauma and feeling you can’t escape. The utterly best thing I can recommend is finding someway to get to a therapist and psychologist. Depression comes from both life experiences AND chemical imbalances you might need to address it both ways.
Look, I (internet stranger) have been there, up to and including having my cat save my life cause I just couldn’t do that to him. You CAN find away out, it will be hard and a ton of work, but you by yourself are worth the effort even when you don’t think so.
Good luck and know there is at least one internet stranger who is pulling for you and believes in you.
Sound’s like your mom is a victim of abuse herself. She knows exactly how bad of a person her husband is, probably doesn’t need a reminder.
That being said, I don’t really understand the text. Anybody called you an asshole for that?
NTA – it is perfectly reasonable to get out of that situation as soon as you can. You are protecting yourself.
Mom here, I am so sorry that your dad is mostly an AH. YOU are worthwhile though.I know that you’re drowning at the moment, but I’m here to tell you, everything will get better if you can hang in. I don’t know your age but if you’re in High School or College go to the Counseling center today, they can help. Knowing what a great cat mom you are makes me happy! Sending you a hug from Ca!
you can’t save her if she won’t save herself, just focus on getting you and your cats out. nta
You are NTA, and neither is your mum. Your father is the arsehole here.
You are in a tough situation right now, but things will not always be this way. Stay connected to others as much as you can. Seek professional supports (eg counselling, social work, youth services [if you are still eligible]). Think about each support as a lifeboat. It’s great that you have your cats as a motivator, but you need more lifeboats to get through this. You deserve better and you are worthy of support.
NTA
NTA. As the youngest sibling, it’s always so sad and scary to watch your oldest siblings get pregnant so they’ll be forcefully kicked out or just straight up disappear one day. I can’t remember much of my childhood and the older I get the more I forget, I do remember being alone all the time, but I also remember having immense respect and love for my oldest sister for doing what she knew had to be done. Our middle sister wasn’t so lucky…
NTA your mother is stuck in the cycle of abuse. You probably are depressed. If you can, see therapist or a counsellor. Get your doctor to prescribe you an antidepressant. That’s a good first step. The job market is not good at the moment but if you keep looking you will find something that will help you get away. One of your older siblings might be able to let you couch surf for a while and looking for a job in a new area could help.
You should also look and see if there are any nearby shelters to see if there are resources they can offer to help you further. There’s not an easy answer but you can do it OP. There’s also always someone who would miss you, including your cats. It won’t always be like this.
NTA. Could you possibly move in with one of your siblings? At least until you get yourself situated in a new place.