I (34) live with my partner (36) in a rental home with 3 bedrooms and a few pets. An acquaintance of ours recently got evicted and the night they were getting evicted, my partner asked me if they could stay with us "for a while" until they got on their feet. I am autistic and VERY protective of my personal space. I was very hesitant to say yes to this, but I wanted to help this person out so I set ground rules.
They were to do 3 chores a week plus cleaning the bathroom that they use. They were not to stay more than 3 weeks or they needed to pay rent until they found a place and they were to be looking for a place – our spare bedroom was not a forever solution.
In order to accommodate them we cleaned out the room that one of our cats normally stays in during the day as it is still young and gets into mischief in the whole house alone. The cat is now in our bedroom during the day, which means the cat box is now in our bedroom as well.
On the first week we found out that they would not get paid until the second week so we extended the stay to 4 weeks without rent so that they would get 2 paychecks to save until they had enough for a deposit. That week their car broke down so they spent most of their first paycheck on fixing the car.
The second week, they had a surgery (they they didn’t tell us about until the 3rd day they were living with us) and were out of work for 4 days that they didn’t get paid for so their 2nd paycheck was cut short and we extended their stay to 6 weeks so that by the 3rd check they should have something lined up and enough money for a deposit.
It is now the beginning of the 6th week and when I asked them about their moving plan they said "nothing is available for a while" and that they were thinking of putting in an application for ONE place on Friday. Then they shared that since they know there is a deadline on their stay, they will call the shelters every day to find a bed.
My mental health has been deteriorating every day. I cry on and off throughout the day and on days off I am so emotionally drained I can barely move. I feel terrible because I don’t want this person to be homeless and this person is honestly pretty polite and keeps to themselves.. One of the 3 weekly chores we asked them to do they only ever did once (the hardest chore) but other than minor annoyances they are pretty respectful. I simply want my house back. I feel like I can never fully relax and unwind and the worst part of my day is coming home and not having a clue when they will be back. I sort of wait in an anxiety soup anticipating that they could come in at any moment.
I told my partner that we cannot extend this person’s stay any longer and they must move out this weekend. AITA for doing this? If I was in their position I would have been looking for places and doing applications the first week I was there to line up a place. Thoughts?
Edit: Thank you for the comments and insight! A few other details would be that they are high all day every day – which is fine because I also consume cannabis but I wonder if this might be contributing to the lack of forward planning. For example, we are on the same pay schedule and when we mentioned the 4th week that they wre getting paid – they didn’t even know they were getting paid. They have also left our doors completely open a couple of times and the cat got out but I think they were too high to know what to do and kind of stood in the doorway and watched it run into the yard. Leaving the front door open all night was scary for me. We did communicate to them about that though so they have been cognizant ever since. I also want to re-iterate that they are not rude or combative or anything.
NTA. Hope the exit goes smoothly for you.
NTA. If you can’t be at home in your own home, you have to find another home. it’s you, or him. You should start looking for yourself.
NTA
All issues you listed aside, most all leases have clauses that guests (adults not on the lease) cannot stay more than x-number of days. This person staying there is in violation of that, which means you and your partner are violating your lease… which means if/when your LL finds out, this is grounds to evict you and your partner
I am sorry, but you and your partners were fools to let someone who was EVICTED move into your home. NTA for wanting them out – but good luck with that, since they are probably considered tenants now since they’ve been there more than 30 days.
You need to sit down with your partner and figure out what your plan is. This person has been there for 30 days, so they might count as a tenant.
If there is no proof that they have been there for 30 days, then I would figure out where the nearest shelter is and tell them they need to be out of the house
NTA. The acquaintance has never once in this saga acted in good faith. Constantly shifting goalposts and selective memory? This person will never leave without a boot to the butt.
For the next time you have someone who needs housing because they got evicted “that night”? In my area, an eviction takes \_months\_. First they have to stop paying. Then they have to ignore warnings. Then they have to ignore formal notification. Then they have to ignore the sheriff’s notification. Then they have to ignore their court summons. There is nearly a year between “oh shit, I can’t pay my rent” and “you have to leave the property right now, and I do not live in a place with particularly robust tenant protections.
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It’s actually 14 or 30 days, though shorter if they have gotten mail at the location.
NTA you gave them 6 weeks for free. If that’s all you can do, it’s better than nothing, and very generous.
Won’t be popular but…
**YWBTA** if you live in the US, and you will be opening yourself up for an illegal eviction lawsuit.
Here’s why:
There’s no easy way to say this, but in the States, every single state has a “residency” rule. This applies to both residency within the state, and establishing tenancy. Meaning, how long you must stay as a guest at a location before you are given the same rights and protections as a tenant.
That time frame for residency in a location as a guest… is either 14 or 30 days. Though if the person has received mail there, and does so regularly, while also maintaining a room, or occupation (living) at a location… then residency has been met.
Which means, you can’t **legally** just kick that person out, and must, by law, go through an eviction process. Failing to do so will fall under either an Illegal lockout, which in some states, constitutes a criminal act. Most states allow affected individuals to sue the landlord for real damages (possessions they lost), or three months rent, whichever is greater. Some allow for treble damages. Meaning three months rent, multiplied by three, plus attorney fees and court costs.
I won’t even delve into the question of whether or not what you’re doing is sub letting, which could itself not only be illegal (it is in some areas), but could be a violation of you lease or rental agreement.
So… yeah, you just go the “kickout” route, you’re opening up a whole can of legal worms that you really don’t want to.
Talk to a lawyer who deals with this kind of thing before you do anything that could potentially get you in legal trouble.
Edit: Quick note. A few states don’t have a timeline specified. This doesn’t mean that there’s no “after this period you’re a tenant” rule, but rather that with those states, the moment either A.) they receive any form of mail at the property, or B.) they contribute to rent, or C.) they enter into an agreement to assist with rent (which simply saying “I’ll help out with the rent” can qualify as)… they establish tenancy. Those states, tenancy can be established in as little as a few days, to a few months.
NTA kick that string of excuses to the curb.
The whole calling the shelters is bs was their way of making you feel guilty.
“Other than minor annoyances they are pretty respectful” NO THEYRE NOT, they’re staying at your place and mooching off you with no intent to leave and your discomfort means absolutely zero to them. They literally couldn’t care less that they are inconveniencing you and the disrespect for you and your home is off the scale!! Get this person out of your house asap, they’re not your friend they’re a user. And they’re gonna bleed you for everything you got OP