AITA i ’17F’ just got back from work, completely exhausted, i just want to go shower. and I want to shave my body hair. so i went to grab it and it’s not there. i looked all over my room and it’s not there i open my gate and i saw a pile of trash. i went to my mom’s ’50 F’room and said "why did you threw out all of my stuff" then she said she didn’t, it’s all outside. so there i was outside going to my trash like a raccoon while half naked. trying to search for my razor blade. didn’t find it but i found my smartwatch, my acne cream, my mouthwash, my pen, my ruler. basically everything else. then i had enough and just took the trash to my room and search for my stuff. before i enter my room. i slam my door and said loudly "all of my stuff was thrown" and when i was going to the trash. she came out of her room screaming then she went out and get each of the other trash, some are not even mine. and slam it in my bedroom floor. and said "THERE LIVE WITH YOUR TRASH". then she went on and on about how disgusting my room is. and then she storm in her room. then five minutes later she came out and said loudly to the point my sister can hear in her room and said "i regret giving birth to all of you, i treat you guys nicely and this is how you repay me". now all of my family photoshoot cancelled. and my sister blame me. and honestly i do believe it’s my fault. so what do i do?do i apologize today. or tomorrow before work?
and before you said anything i realize i am the asshole i just want advice what i can do
edit : it’s late at night. I’m going to sleep, i just want to say the reason my room is messy was because i just started working and my job require me to stand up for hours I’m talking nine straight hours and that’s without overtime. and i don’t have work shoe. so i just use my old school shoe. it’s those kind of shoe where it wasn’t made for standing up for so long. it’s flexible and basically have no cushioning. so my feet hurt so bad i actually cried in the toilet while massaging it. so i asked chatgpt how to reduced the impact. and it says to put cardboard/newspaper under the insole so there’s a little absorption. so i did. i went and cut of boxes, and papers and even got some of those white foam you get when you buy stuffs online and put it under my insoles. and it worked i little, so i had go cut up more and more everyday before work. nobody knows about this. so the trash that was in my room? all cut out newspaper/cutboard/white foam. and yes it’s a lot. but i already had plan to clean my room tomorrow morning before work. because i usually wake up hours early and i had night shift. one more note, other than all of the above my room are pretty clean because before i got the job i clean my room and put all the trash in one big bag.
Why did she even throw all your stuff away?
While you could have reacted better, she definitely overreacted when she said “i regret giving birth to all of you, i treat you guys nicely and this is how you repay me.”
she said “having trash cause bad luck” I’m malay so she said “rezeki tak masuk sampah banyak” she said all that stuff because she saw one ustaz talk about it during his preach
Yeah you are NTA. Even if your room had trash in it, she also included stuff that wasn’t trash to throw. That reasoning she gave also sucks.
See what you could do to resolve in the meantime, whether it’s finding another place to stay or just keeping a close eye on your stuff, etc.
INFO – Can you re write this so it makes sense?
“I went to grab it and it’s not there” – what “it” – then “you’re going through your trash” – ummm, you’re going through all your stuff which had been thrown in the trash?
What’s all the other trash about? If you’ve already decided you’re the AH you’re in the wrong sub so go post on r/relationships but please make it make sense
sorry for the confusion. the “it” is referring to my razor blade and going through my trash meant. like i said there’s a pile of trash in multiple bags. and one of two of them are my stuff. and the other were her’s/the family. and when she slammed it on the ground she slammed everything
I don’t think English is their first language. I was able to understand what it meant. Remember that this a child seeking support and advice.
This is not your fault, with all the facts presented here. That’s your manipulative mom. She is now making her problem YOUR problem, probably so she does not feel guilty for her actions in touching your things. Some moms are jealous of their daughters too, so she could just be trying to sabotage what you have because she wishes she had the youth and benefits of being young again. IMO. Your mom is wrong 100% to put that on you, and she needs to get help for herself.
i won’t say she try to manipulate me. but from the past she always blame others or try something similar just to avoid saying she’s wrong. she admits it herself she doesn’t like to be wrong.
NTA holy shit youre being abused fr OP. do you have a friend you could stay with?
nah. but funnyly enough she asked me to get the hell out of this house “because i have money” mind you i only work for a week. and it’s not even enough to rent a room. and she actually hated that i have a job now. i mean i used to work with her for rm30 a day. and i work under the sun. fnb, cashier, dishwasher, waiter everything. her old employee got paid rm60. so basically i did all the work while getting paid less than her old employee. and when I said i want to find a job she said “go ahead, go get experience” now that i got the job she said things like this. and how she hates me for getting a job, and how it’s dangerous. well there’s more but i have to sleep.
NTA I think your mom must be mentally ill
Here is my understanding of the information you presented. Your room was a mess, so your mom took everything into garbage bags and put it outside the house. You got mad. She got mad. She said something horrible.
My guess is she has asked you for weeks to clean your room. You haven’t. She warned you to clean your room. You didn’t. She “cleaned” it by getting rid of everything. You said some mean things. She said some mean things.
You should both apologize. You should try to keep your room clean. You should try to keep the house clean. you are almost an adult. It’s time to start acting like one. Your mother needs to start acting like one as well.
Oh yes, the joys of a Malaysian mama. I remember the black trash bags and quick temper.
Hang in there, and huge hugs. I don’t have a solution except keep your head down and escape when you can.
NTA.
I can understand some reactions were a bit over the top on your side, but from what you’ve said about how your mother acted, the situation is far worse than just one moment of anger.
CPS is needed. Throwing out your things, especially hygiene products and necessary items, then throwing trash into your room and committing verbal abuse? You need to get out of that situation as soon as you can.