So I (31 m) have been dating this dude (20 m) for about 2 months, yes we both are gay (not that it’s relevant i just think people would assume it’s a typo imao)
Anyways, he claims he’s dealt with IBS his whole life, and he manages it by eating 1 meal (sometimes at most 2) a day, and usually snacks on vegetables and fruits throughout the day. As someone who’s a big foodie, this kinda worries me as I’m eating all the time. He tells me his digestive system is sensitive, and he thinks this started through a fear of public toilets (cuz he finds them gross) he says he doesn’t actually know the onset, I told him his IBS is def not real and he needs to start eating like a normal person. Like he doesn’t even have sugary contents at all, like what, and most times after we eat dinner at a restaraunt or so, he always has to go, sometimes, he eats quicker so he can finish and go, and then im just slowly eating and we r chatting. He says he doesn’t enjoy eating food unless it’s small vegetables during the day, but he’s okay with and normal with this.
I finally just told him he has mental problems and needs to get checked and he got angry saying I’m being inconsiderate. I told him it’s not normal, he said lots of people suffer with different things, and there’s people with depression, anxiety, other physical conditions, and he said he literally doesn’t have any of that, just has to deal with digestive issues, he said it’s not even a big maintenance issue and I’m just being an asshole.
AITA?
also this is a throwaway because i did used to use reddit till two years ago but i quit, and would just browse but i actually needed to post this, so i made an acc
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INFO: Are you his doctor?
YTA. “Because maybe he’s right” so you aren’t even sure but you told someone they had mental problems cause their perfectly fine eating choice conflicts with your want to be a foodie?
Huge AH.
YTA you aren’t his doctor and he didn’t ask for your advice.
YTA. This is a classic case of older person dating significantly younger person and trying to parent them rather than date them. Quit acting like you know everything. It’s one thing to encourage someone to see a doctor, it’s another to tell them their issues aren’t real and that *you* know best. Be better.
YTA for unsolicited and uninformed medical advice and for being absurdly judgemental about someone else’s preferred eating habits.
Major YTA. Who are you to say whether he does or doesn’t have GI issues? He clearly has figured out what works for him and his body.
If he has been diagnosed with IBS it’s the largest of red flags for you to tell him the restrictions he lives with for his medical condition are proof of a mental disorder. Frankly that lack of empathy and disregard for his needs speaks to the possibility that you could use some therapeutic advice.
How could you possibly know that his IBS isn’t real? YTA.
YTA: are you a doctor? a psychologist? He has told you what his situation is, and how he deals with it, and you just basically dismissed him and said he has mental problems? If you care about him, then you can gently encourage him to maybe revisit the subject with his medical doctor, but if he is happy with the way things are, then you should accept it and be supportive.
YTA unless you are a gastroenterologist or a psychiatrist, you shouldn’t be diagnosing anyone. Lots of people have IBS or related conditions. It sounds like you have no idea what you’re talking about, you just want him to match your diet and eating patterns, and telling him it’s all in his head is incredibly insensitive.
I’d end a 2 month relationship if someone treated me that way.
YTA. Who the fuck are you to make a medical claim like that? And you need to accept not everyone is obsessed with food. I don’t eat much either.
There is nothing here that indicates that his IBS isn’t “real”. IBS is a real condition.
He eats what he’s happy and comfortable with -and he’s eating mostly vegetables. Which is a good thing. Vegetables are good for you, and he avoids sugar – also good to do.
It sounds like you’re mad because you eat a lot and he doesn’t. Sometimes he’s done eating before you. And you’ve decided that his way of eating is “wrong” and yours is right.
The only evidence you have that he’s doing something wrong is that what he does is different from what you do.
Are you a nutritionist? A gastroenterologist? A doctor of any kind? Doesn’t sound like it.
Your only expertise in this arena seems to be that you’re a “foodie”.
It sounds like he does have IBS symptoms – he has to go to the bathroom after eating. That’s a symptom of IBS. There are things he can’t eat because they upset his stomach. That’s a symptom of IBS. Why would you think that it’s not real?
There is nothing in your argument that tells me that he doesn’t have IBS, and that you’re not an asshole.
YTA.
“I told him his IBS is def not real and he needs to start eating like a normal person.”
So instead of lovingly encouraging him to see a professional because you care about his wellbeing, you told him, unprompted and in 2 different ways, that he is wrong and weird and should change himself to fit into your hobby. Great choice. YTA