I (17F) have diagnosed generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) and ADHD. I’ve struggled with both for years, but recently got an official diagnosis and meds (yay!).
Last week my classmates and I went on a trip to a theater convention. There were lots of students and 5 chaperones, but actors and technicians were separated. I’m a tech, so I was with the five others most of the time.
On Friday we had a showroom with colleges where we had posters showing our tech work. Things went wrong though, as they always do. We thought we’d set up, go get lunch, then come back while recruiters looked at our displays. Instead, we had to stay the WHOLE TIME. We were stuck there for 5 HOURS, with no break, and missed lunch. By the time we got back to the hotel around 6:30 pm, everyone was gone.
The day before, we had been allowed to hang around the hotel without chaperones. That night, I still had leftovers so I decided to stay in my room and decompress, because I could already feel the panic attack surfacing.
Apparently, that was against the rules! My teacher, (40M), the SAME ONE who let us be alone the day before (the true AH), started texting me demanding I come downstairs so the group could leave for food. He kept pushing and threatening consequences if I didn’t come down. My panic attack got worse, and another chaperone was eventually called to “collect me.” That didn’t happen thankfully god, but my classmates were stuck waiting in the lobby for an hour. They finally left around 8 pm after not eating for 12 hours. I felt horrible.
Here’s where I think I might be the AH. My parents reassured me I wouldn’t get in trouble for the panic attack, and the chaperone who “collected me” said my classmates weren’t mad. Because of that, I approached the next day normally. I greeted everyone with my usual delightful self. They seemed cold, but I assumed they were just tired. I said something like “I feel bad about last night” and apologized to my closest friends, but not everyone.
I thought all that was left was my case against my teacher, but today while talking about our upcoming show and telling one of the techs (J, 16M) he needed to attend production meetings, he brought up my panic attack in retaliation. It just threw me off.
Now I’m rethinking everything. I barely talked to anyone on the plane, and the only people I’ve really spoken to since are P (16F) and A (16M). A even held my hand while I cried about J’s comment.
Now I’m wondering how I could’ve handled things differently. I’m especially worried about losing one of my best friends, K (16M), since he’s dating J and might feel pressured to take a side. I even sent K a long rambling text, but I know that didn’t help. I feel stuck. AITA?
TLDR: I had a panic attack on a school trip that delayed my friends getting dinner after we missed lunch. I didn’t really apologize because I was told they weren’t upset, but now someone brought it up against me and I’m worried I handled things badly. AITA?
NTA but why not just explain this? And what case against your teacher?
I have tried but every time I press they say things are fine, which clearly isn’t the case because of the lash out at me after the fact. The case against my teacher is because I already had a report against him for bullying me, and he threatened me and was generally very unsympathetic towards my condition as well as saying he would have to report me, that if I was that sick I would have to go to the er and that the other chaperone would “drag me down” to the lobby. I’m not the only one who’s reported him before.
INFO: were they aware that you were having a panic attack?
Not initially, but I did explain it early on before it escalated to the point it did.
You need to be able to communicate this to other people. Mentioning panic attacks isn’t necesary, you can say you’re having a medical issue.
YTA, because you didn’t give the chaperone’s who are responsible for you a heads up and the chance to be able to accomodate your condition. YNTA because you’re young and I’d guess haven’t been given good instructions on how to deal with this.
Also, drop the talk about a case against the teacher. You can write “grabbed me” as much as you want, but you already said that didn’t happen. That’s definitely a YTA accusation.
I agree, I didnt need to disclose all that. I didn’t tell them about my diagnosis before the trip, but I did give a 15 minutes heads up to the chaperone that I intended to stay in my room. It’s not a case about him grabbing me. Hes had issues in the past with conflict resolution and threatening students with consequences there would never be. It’s just that this was an extreme example in writing. I wanted to suggest getting a 504 plan, but my parents are very weird about medical issues. It took so long to get a diagnosis because they kept insisting “nothings wrong with you”. My friends did know about my diagnosis though, I shared with them the good news when I got it 🙂
Ok this talk of your teacher having trouble with conflict resolution and not being more sympathetic to your condition?? He’s not a therapist! His job is to teach you about theater.
I’m a theater person, I have acute anxiety and adhd AND I’m a teacher! Teachers are not therapists or social workers. If any student told be they won’t be down for 15 minutes past time, I would also threaten consequences! Now once I knew there was a medical cause, I would not enforce that but until I was informed about what was actually happening, that’s a normal response.
I just edited my wording. I meant that he said he would get me from my room and force me downstairs, not that he assaulted me. I now see the confusion lol
Soft YTA. You do need to stay with the group/adults on these things especially during transition times and leaving the hotel times. You did delay dinner regardless of if you meant to or not. The adults on the trip are doing a hard job and it’s important to listen and be respectful especially when they’re asking you to do. Next time you need to go down and talk to them or next them that you’re having a panic attack (that won’t always mean you just get to not stay with the group)
Yea, this is why I think I’m the AH. The situation got complicated FAST. I was so upset and trying to get them to leave without me was not working for obvious reasons. I just don’t know what to do to make it up to my friends. I don’t want them to hold resentment towards me
Eh if this is the worst thing you do at your age it will end up okay. They’re probably annoyed at the adults