Before yall read, I have had time to cool down and see both sides of this. I just need further clarification. And this is only the cherry on top.
I (19M) recently moved from Georgia to Kentucky and rent a room from my friend (18M). He’s basically the only person I know up here, so I’ve been trying to make the living situation work, but lately we’ve been arguing a lot.
The most recent argument started over a bag of Doritos. He texted me asking if I was going to replace them because he noticed they were gone and planned to pack them for lunch. I told him I’d replace them the next time I go shopping, but money is tight right now so it might take a few days.
He told me that in the future I shouldn’t eat things he buys unless I can replace them soon. I explained that he previously told me I could have some of his stuff as long as I replace it, but sometimes it might take a few days before I can afford to go to the store.
He said the issue isn’t really the Doritos, it’s that it disrupts his routine because he plans his meals and gets anxious when something he expected to be there is gone. I apologized and said I’d replace them when I can, but also said it didn’t seem like that big of a deal.
This argument led to him bringing up other complaints. He said sometimes he feels like he’s “taking care of a child.” He mentioned things like cleaning the kitchen, how things are put away in the fridge, and cleaning up after me in the bathroom sometimes.
With the kitchen part, he leaves ALL his dirty dishes piled, leaves the dishwasher dirty until it smells, while I wash all my dishes after I’m done using them unless the need to soak overnight.
I had to get onto him cause my dad was coming up and all his dishes were overflowing.
From my perspective though, he nitpicks everything I do. For example, I do clean the bathroom after I use it. One time I forgot a cup of grease on the stove and he got upset about it. He’s also thrown away my to-go boxes from the fridge when they were only a day old. Also ate things I specifically told him not to like my apples. I’m allergic to the wax they put on apples, except Granny Smith for some reason. Anyways, he ate 3 of the 4 I had.
Because of this, I ended up buying a mini fridge for my room so I can keep my food separate and avoid arguments about the shared fridge.
There are also some privacy issues. I rent a private
room, but he knocks on my door constantly (almost like Sheldon). I told him if I don’t answer after two knocks to leave me alone, but he’ll sometimes prop my door open and say my name until I respond. I ended up buying door stoppers to hopefully stop that.
Shortly after I moved in, I was having a rough moment in my room and heard him come in and start looking around when he thought I couldn’t hear him. That made me uncomfortable enough that I’m considering putting cameras in my room.
He thinks I’m irresponsible and inconsiderate. I feel like he’s overly controlling and nitpicky.
AITA?
NTA for the Doritos thing at all. You said you’d replace them, you’re broke, and it’s chips not rent.
But honestly this whole setup sounds like a bad mismatch. He’s anxious and controlling, you’re independent and trying to breathe, and now you’re buying a mini fridge and doorstops and thinking about cameras. I’d start planning your exit because this is already past the “we can fix it with a convo” stage.
☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️THIS!
ESH. He said you can have some *if* you replace it. If you can’t afford to replace it (seriously, a $3 bag of chips?) then don’t eat it. He sucks for the dishes, throwing away your stuff etc.
where are you shopping ;-; Doritos are like up to $6 a bag for me
Don’t eat the child
Sounds like a bad arrangement. Eating other peoples food doesn’t mean you can replace it à week later. I think a house meeting to discuss mutual expectations may help ( food rules and cleaning expectations and especially privacy).
Honestly, if you can buy a mini fridge you can just replace the chips your ate instead of making it sound like you need days to do so. If that isnt a big deal, then your apples being eaten isnt a big deal either
I think not having rules about shared living and apartment maintenance is a mistake a lot of people who are friends make. You either need to have a rotation, or very fixed rules
If you are considering putting cameras in your room, you both are definitely not compatible as flatmates. I dont think anyone is an AH in this case, you both just shouldnt live together
YTA for the chips thing, having some doesn’t mean eat all of them, and you should be able to replace them pronto or regularly be bringing in food that he can share as well, it’s a two way street.
ESH. It’s been a long time since I had roommates, but when I ate their stuff, I replaced it the next day or the day after. I wouldn’t eat it if I couldn’t replace it right away.
That said, knocking on your door more than once, maybe twice, is obnoxious as hell! I’m not sure you’re compatible roomies.