I (F) have a group of gaming friends and most of them are men. Most of the time I’m the only woman there, and I had already gotten used to that dynamic.
Recently, my best friend started dating a girl who is also a gamer. When I found out she would start joining us on weekends, I was actually really happy. I thought it would be nice to finally have another girl around and maybe even make a new friend in the group.
But things didn’t turn out the way I expected.
She often talks about how she “doesn’t like other women” and says women are fake, dramatic, or untrustworthy, while men are easier to get along with. Normally I would just ignore comments like that, but she says these things even when I’m right there with the group.
On top of that, she often acts like I’m not there. Sometimes when I talk she just doesn’t respond, and if I mention her directly she’ll ignore it. It started to make me feel really uncomfortable, like I wasn’t welcome.
The last straw happened today. My friends showed me a clip from a conversation where she was talking about my appearance behind my back. I’m not usually very sensitive about comments on my looks, but it still hurt, especially because the day before she had been acting nice to me and I thought we might actually be getting along.
So I messaged her privately and asked why she said those things about me. I also told her that it upset me.
I honestly expected an apology or at least a normal conversation, but instead she sent me a one-minute voice message basically dismissing everything I said. At the end she told me, “You have to learn how to hear other people’s opinions, love.”
The way she said “love” felt really passive-aggressive. I didn’t even know what to say back, so I just reacted with a “<3” and left it there.
Now the whole situation feels awkward and heavy, and I’m honestly considering distancing myself from the group even though my friends didn’t do anything wrong.
So AITA for confronting her about it instead of just ignoring it and moving on?
None of your so-called friends are calling her out for her behavior? Really? NTA, she’s a B, and I’m side-eyeing your “friends”, too.
def nta she’s the problem. don’t leave your friends though you deserve better
NTA. She sounds like a pick-me. I would also be upset at the fact that your friends didn’t stand up for you. I would question why she would even feel comfortable saying those things about you TO THEM in the first place.
Maybe a bit of an overreaction but I think you were well within your right to defend yourself
Your friends are assholes. They make drama and gossip but they don’t stand up for you.
NTA, talking shit about you behind your back makes her not friend material.
She’s a pick-me and you are NTA
Watch out OP, because eventually she may try to turn eveyone against you/ ostracize you from the group.
Focus on your relationships with you friends and do your best to stay out of the drama she instigates.
Be polite but not vulnerable with her, she’d probably turn it against you.
Your friend secretly recorded her talking shit to play for you?? These people aren’t your friends. A friend would have told her to shut up. And her response is rude. We actually don’t need to hear random peoples opinion of our appearance. I think your reply sucks bc you aren’t standing up for yourself either. NTA
NTA if you’re in a group and you want to stay there then heck yeah confront them. Personally I would be passive aggressive back, but if you want to take the high road then distancing yourself would bring you the most peace, IMO.
She has stated she doesn’t like other women and disrespects your presence in her conversation. She didn’t care how her words made you feel. Behaviour is a language.
Your best friend and gaming friends may figure out her character soon enough. Until then, think of her as a stranger in your group who you interact with only when necessary. If she only plays weekends, spend more of your time with them weeknights.
These are guys you are playing with. They don’t care about the drama between you too. The awkwardness is in your head. She has dismissed the issue with her last statement so move on.
Those dudes are NOT your friends. NTA. Definitely distance yourself from them and find some real friends.
NTA your friends didn’t stand up for you and then showed you something hurtful that she said knowing it would upset you. I think there is a bigger issue here. Yes she is misogynistic if she really believes those things about other women and treats them poorly so she can have a better relationship with men. It also sucks that the friend group you were already a part of has done nothing to dissuade her fro. making comments like that and not supporting you specifically when she makes hurtful comments about you behind your back. There are definitely ways to find new friends to game with online and I hope you can find kinder people to game with. Try r/girlgamers
You’re not the asshole. Her behavior screams insecurity. Her calling you “love” in that context is just condescending. It’s not on you to tolerate being disrespected. If she can’t handle being called out, that’s her problem.